Xia Fanxing walked out of the gate of the University of Science and Technology, with his hands in his pockets, wearing a hat, and his head lowered.
He didn’t rush to take a taxi home to shut himself away but instead wandered aimlessly along the road outside the university.
He was pondering Ning’s words and contemplating what the next counseling session might be like.
...
When Xia Fanxing returned home that day, he somehow felt that time seemed to pass particularly slowly.
He gained some strength from Mr. Ning’s office, but it didn’t even last a day for him.
Afterward, he started feeling listless again, sleeping early, waking up early, his mind incessantly wandering, often coming up with all sorts of chaotic, sorrowful, and despairing thoughts.
It was somewhat better during the day, but the nights were harder for him to endure.
Most of the time, he felt very anxious.
Finally, it was the Wednesday morning he had arranged with Mr. Ning.
This time, without his uncle forcing him, he shaved, washed his hair, and went to the University of Science and Technology.
...
This was Xia Fanxing’s second time sitting face to face with Mr. Ning in her office.
Silence made the pressure soar, and when Xia Fanxing felt impatient, Ning began to speak.
"How do you feel today?"
"Very good, thank you." This was the habit instilled from a young age.
Taught by his family when he was a child, uttered casually as he grew up, becoming a thoughtless response.
In fact, it had nothing to do with his real state of mind.
"I’ll ask you again, how do you really feel now?" Ning Youguang asked seriously once more.
Xia Fanxing could not help but take it seriously.
He shifted in his seat, hesitated for a moment, and asked back: "What do you mean by ’feel’?"
Of course, he wasn’t so dense as to not understand the question from the other person.
He was just like many adults who had never consciously expressed their true inner emotions to outsiders.
This habit was hard to change, and he didn’t know how to start, so he questioned her back.
Ning Youguang understood the meaning behind his question and also grasped the changes in his psychology.
He was unconsciously avoiding self-awareness.
Mr. Xia said his nephew used to be very good at making friends and was excellent at interacting with people. He didn’t know why, but after his brother and sister-in-law passed away, the child changed and became increasingly withdrawn.
Ning Youguang understood.
Xia Fanxing was born into a good family, with affluent circumstances. His parents were successful individuals, and there were often many social activities at home.
His parents and family often took him to a variety of social settings, where he met many celebrities, and he received training from a young age on various etiquettes and how to handle social situations.
But all of these were not heartfelt actions.
They were merely a behavior pattern cultivated through training.
He was like an automated machine, programmed by his family and those around him from birth, each program designed to handle standardized operations in various interpersonal relationships.
In other words, what Mr. Xia viewed as skilled socializing was not something Fanxing was innately inclined to do; rather, it was a behavior pattern trained by his original family environment.
This pattern lacked innate talent and wisdom, bore no creativity, failed to move others, and was not dynamic.
In a situation that he had never encountered before, Xia Fanxing would struggle to handle it.
He had never analyzed himself and had no idea how to describe his state.
"Okay, let me ask in another way." Ning Youguang pondered deeply while maintaining a gentle demeanor, "If everyone’s emotions had a value, 1 being the thought of suicide and 10 being extremely happy, with 5 being neither terrible nor joyous, what number would you choose to depict your feelings?"
Xia Fanxing was taken aback for a moment and slowly said, "Better than 1."
"Okay, I understand. Have you ever had thoughts of suicide?"
"Yes, a month ago, when I was at home, I didn’t feel like doing anything, not even playing games or going online. I couldn’t sleep at night, didn’t want to eat during the day, felt enveloped by darkness. I didn’t know what to do, and at that time, went to the rooftop, really wanted to jump. However, my uncle came to see me then, and after that, those thoughts went away." Xia Fanxing took a deep breath, seemingly invigorated, "I don’t have those thoughts now."
"Then, how do you feel now?"