"I attended a private boarding school from elementary school. The school was actually pretty good, and the teachers and principal were quite nice. They knew my family and took good care of me."
Xia Fanxing said, "The problem was, every Sunday afternoon and Monday morning, I’d be gloomy. I didn’t want to go to school, but my mom and dad would simply carry me to the car and send me off to school. No matter how much I cried in the car, it was of no use. A few times, when I cried badly, my dad would pick up a ruler, make me kneel in the study, and beat me harshly. For days at school afterward, I couldn’t even hold chopsticks properly; the memory is too vivid."
He gestured the length of the ruler with his hand, approximately more than a meter.
"In middle school, it was the same. Every Friday afternoon after school, the classmates around me were all happy, looking forward to going home. I would look forward to it too, but every return home was a disappointment. I’d happily tell my parents I’ve come back, and they’d be very indifferent. It made me feel like I wasn’t returning home, but coming to collect a debt..."
"And my dad, whenever he saw me, he’d either be cold or ask about my studies, criticizing me, saying I didn’t do well here or there!" Xia Fanxing took a deep breath, "Ning, do you know what that feels like?"
His face was filled with a look of disgust.
"Damn!"
"I’m really sick, why did I come back?!"
"I shouldn’t have come back."
"When I was in high school, I didn’t perform well academically. My dad said I needed discipline..." Xia Fanxing gritted his teeth, "So, they sent me to a military school. It was completely closed, and the instructors were very strict, no phones, no computers, no entertainment; we either studied or trained every day. In the first semester, I tried with other students to find a way to escape by climbing over the wall. After escaping, when I got home, my dad scolded me, slapped me, and sent me back. After returning to school, the instructors watched me like a criminal. I couldn’t escape or didn’t want to anymore; eventually, I became numb."
Xia Fanxing’s eyes turned red.
The expression on his face was a mix of intense sarcasm and self-mockery, along with deep hatred.
"I feel like even if I died there, they would think I deserved it."
"I don’t know what discipline I needed, did I kill someone or commit arson?"
"Did I owe them something to deserve this treatment?!"
"After spending a year in military school, I got out..."
"Ning, do you know why I got out?"
"Why?" Ning Youguang asked softly.
"There are two reasons," Xia Fanxing said. "The first is that I wanted to study well for the college entrance exams, the second is that the military school’s teachers said I had a mental illness."
"Mental illness?" Ning Youguang was puzzled.
"Yes, isn’t it ridiculous?" Xia Fanxing sneered, "What’s even more ridiculous is that after leaving the school, my dad actually sent me to a mental hospital and gave me a pile of medication, like anti-schizophrenia drugs, antidepressants, a whole mess of them."
"Did you take them?" Ning Youguang thought there were many parts of Xia Fanxing’s story that hadn’t been uncovered yet and hadn’t expected this situation.
"I did, why wouldn’t I?" Xia Fanxing said, "They all said I was ill, so I took them."
"Were there any side effects?" Ning Youguang felt a chill down his spine.
"Yes." Xia Fanxing crossed his arms, adopting a self-protective pose. "I used to be very smart; although my dad always said I was no good, I felt my grades were pretty good, often being first in class. I learned things and remembered them quickly. But since taking the medications for mental illness, my brain stopped working properly; I couldn’t remember anything. When I went back to high school, I frequently ranked at the bottom."
A look of satisfaction after revenge appeared on Xia Fanxing’s face, "Funny, isn’t it? Hahaha..."
"My dad asked why I had become dumb, and I said, because of the meds."
He took me to the hospital for tests, and the doctor said, "Taking these medications does slow down brain function."
"Ning, do you know how dreadful my dad’s face looked then?"
He laughed until tears came out and continued laughing for a long time, "He wanted to blow up that hospital."
"Too funny." He held his belly, "Ning, let me laugh for a while."
Ning Youguang nodded and just watched him quietly laugh.
As he laughed and laughed, Xia Fanxing began to cry, his facial features somewhat distorted, "In my life, I’ve never seen my dad so out of control. Once we got home, he threw all my meds out and didn’t make me take them anymore."
"I went back to high school to continue my studies. Since my memory was poor and my brain wasn’t functioning well, I didn’t get into a university during the college entrance exams." Xia Fanxing’s changing expression gradually calmed. "My dad, being so proud and vain, certainly couldn’t tolerate having a son who couldn’t even get into college. After the exams, he packed me off to the UK."
"In the UK, although initially, I didn’t know anyone, I eventually made friends and was able to do things I liked, like riding horses, traveling, gaming, and crafting. I felt I was doing okay. Being far away, my dad didn’t control me much, or maybe he had given up on controlling me, so I was relatively freer," Xia Fanxing said. "Oh, I also did part-time work with my classmates. Although I didn’t earn much, I was happy, and being physically tired, I slept well. I had a pretty good time in college. It was also in college that I discovered I didn’t necessarily need to live a perfect life; compared to everything else, being able to make my own decisions and decide my own life made me happier."
"And then?"
Xia Fanxing closed his eyes, "Then, one day, I suddenly received a call from my family; my parents had a car accident, were in the hospital being rescued, and they asked me to return home immediately. Later, my parents couldn’t be saved; they both died, and I inherited a large sum of money as a result."
"How did you feel at that time?" Ning Youguang asked softly.
"Nothing in particular," Xia Fanxing shook his head. "Everyone around me said I suddenly became wealthy and must be very happy."
"In fact, I wasn’t happy at all. I felt... I didn’t deserve what they left me."
"Every day when I came home, even though there were lots of workers, housekeepers, drivers, and gardeners, I still felt very lonely, incredibly lonely. I didn’t even dare step into my parents’ room," his tears rolled down, "but I was the only one left, and I still had to continue living."
"I also tried inviting friends over to play, attending parties, even going to work at the company, but I felt more loneliness and guilt."
Tears, like broken beads, slid from Xia Fanxing’s eyes.
He was in an extremely sorrowful state.
Ning Youguang watched him silently, but a faint smile spread in his eyes. 1314