Trees blurred past me as I shoved my body forward, breaking through bushes and thorns, the wind breezing against my fur. The deeper I ran, the more the edge inside me began to dull.
The more the rage bled into something else.
Before I left the study, my chest had been drowning in rage. In guilt. In questions I didn’t want to face yet. Questions about the future. About Maeve. About Asha.
I didn’t know him yet. But Goddess—I wanted to. The reality of it sat heavy in my chest. The pull toward him was primal. A desperate need from a father who had failed for so long to be one.
I wanted to know him. To forge something with him that was mine. Something different. Something better than what my father had ever given me.
The cold, loveless shell I’d grown up under—I wouldn’t pass that down to my son.
And yet, not knowing how any of this would turn out gnawed at me.
What kind of father I’d become. What kind of man Asha would grow into. Would he resent me? Would he forgive me? Would he ever truly call me father?
In that moment, I would’ve given anything—anything—to glimpse twenty years into the future. Just to see us both. To know how it all unfolded.
But I couldn’t see that far. The future was a blind spot I couldn’t penetrate. And because I couldn’t control it, my mind fell back—backward instead.
Back to five years ago.
Three months before Maeve lost the child.
Two months before she vanished.
I was so fixated on tracing the constellations on Maeve’s spine, I barely noticed that she was watching me intently with tears in her eyes.
By the time I did, she was crying softly, looking heartbroken and incredibly happy at the same time.
I didn’t do well with emotions. I hardly ever knew what to do with crying she-wolves. But with Maeve, I found myself wanting to try harder. To be better for her.
She was the sweetest wolf I had ever met.
She loved me with the whole of her heart and never failed to show me just how much.There were days when I felt like I didn’t deserve her.
Stormy gray days, when mother would strike her for being too slow with her chores. Days, when father would make her feel like shit for failing to birth heirs.
In all of it, I couldn’t recall a single time when I had risen up to defend her against the alpha and luna’s cruelty.
For as long as I could remember, I had been terrible and cowardly. Mostly, I felt guilty for treating her with a mechanical indifference for years.
To show my regret, I had taken to tracing the constellations on Maeve’s back.
It wasn’t much but it was something we did now — right after we made love.
I made love to Maeve now.
Whenever we came together, I would feel the hours fall off, replaced by the desperate fervency of our desire.
It was astounding how easily pleasuring her came to me.
Like something I was born to do.It was my form of worship.
"You’re fine," I wrapped Maeve in my arms, wiping her tears with the pad of my fingers. "I’m here. Whatever you’re feeling, you can let it all out."
Maeve clung on to me and cried harder, soaking my chest with her tears.
"All of this feels like a dream," she sniffed, hugging me tight.
"What do you mean?" I probed.
"This. Being here with you . I don’t ever want it to end."
"It doesn’t have to," I raised her fingers to my lips, kissing her knuckles, trying to reassure her.
"I know you hate it when I act like a victim but right now, I can’t help myself. I am afraid that any moment now, I am going to wake up and realize that all of this has been nothing but a dream. It wouldn’t be surprising though. I mean, when have outcasts like me ever been deserving of love?"
"Okay, first of all Maeve, you’re nobody’s victim," I began, tilting her chin upwards, and forcing her to look at me.
Her eyes were shiny with tears. So innocent. So beautiful.
"Second of all, I know I’ve not always been kind to you, but I’m willing to try. You wanna know why?"
She nodded, much too emotional to say anything else.
"It’s because you are deserving of love, just like anyone else."
Maeve’s eyes lit up with happiness at the sound of my words. She was still nervous but there was a sense of joy on her face that made my lips tilt upwards in a small smile.
"I’m pregnant," she announced, taking me by surprise.
"What?" I sucked in a sharp breath, forgetting to breathe for a second.
Maeve’s palms were warm as she cupped my cheeks. "I went to see a healer and he confirmed it. We’re finally going to have an heir."
"You’re not joking," I scoffed. It was more of a laugh. "We’re having a pup? I’m finally gonna be a father?"
"Yes," she shrieked as I suddenly attacked her with a smothering hug.
Since we became mates, I had never given her a smothering hug or peppered her cheeks with kisses.
There were a lot of things that I hadn’t done for her.
As Maeve laughed her ass off from my hugs and kisses, I silently vowed to do better.
But then, a months later, she suffered a miscarriage.
Serena had revealed Maeve’s secret drinking problem to me, causing me to push my mate away.
Two months after that, Maeve had run away in the middle of the night, putting Ash Creek behind her for good.
It was around dusk by the time I reappeared at the edge of the woods.
I was drained from the hours I had spent running in the woods, whilst taking a trip down memory lane.
I shifted back to my human form and padded naked towards the white oak tree that stood adjacent to the sprawling pack house.
I usually kept a fresh change of clothes hidden behind the tree for when I wanted to go running in the woods.
Just as I drew closer to the tree, I came to a halt as the subject of my day dreams suddenly appeared in front of me.
He was exactly as I last remembered. The spitting image of me.
He wasn’t alone. Maeve was with him, holding his hand protectively.
I was so enraptured by the sight of them together, it took me a full minute to realize that I was still naked.