He scrambled into my lap, warm and trusting, his tiny limbs curling against me like he belonged nowhere else.
I brushed his wild curls back gently, letting my fingers forage in the soft, springy strands, breathing in the familiar scent of baby powder and sunshine.
"I want to talk to you about something important," I began carefully, voice measured as to not alert him. "About the man that was in here earlier."
At the mention of Ivan, Asha’s face pinched again.
"The not-nice man. What about him?"
"He’s not as bad as you think, love," I said gently. "Do you remember when we saw him... naked in the woods?"
Asha snorted. "Yes. He has a big butt."
I gasped, smothering a laugh. "Stop that! He’s an Alpha."
His eyes grew wide. "HE IS?"
"Mhmm." I nodded. "Just like your daddy, Ivan is an Alpha."
He seemed to think this over for a moment, then grimaced.
"What kind of Alpha goes around butt-naked?"
I laughed. "Definitely a crazy one. But... that’s not the point right now. Ivan is... a little complicated. People can be like that sometimes. Things aren’t always black and white like they are in cartoons, you know?"
Asha frowned, thinking. "So... he’s not a villain?"
"No, he’s not," I said gently. "He was angry earlier, but he wasn’t going to hurt us. He just... doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings the right way."
"Like that time I threw my cereal bowl because you forgot to buy the blue milk?"
"Exactly like that," I chuckled.
"He looked at you like he was gonna eat you. Not like a bad way. Like an ’I want Mummy all to myself’ way," Asha said, nose scrunching.
"Oh, Goddess," I whispered under my breath. My son was observant to a terrifying degree.
"But he also looked sad when I yelled at him. Like really sad."
"He was," I said honestly. "And that’s kind of why I wanted to talk to you. Ivan... he used to be someone really important to me. And though we’ve both made mistakes, I think he’s trying now. At least, I think he wants to." I frowned to myself.
Asha tilted his head again, his voice a little too curious for my comfort.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
I blinked. "My—what now?"
"Your boyfriend," he repeated innocently. "The Darkwind aunties said boyfriends are boys you like. And you were really close to him. Plus, he was naked when we saw him before, soooo... does daddy know you have a boyfriend?"
I felt my soul leave my body.
"Um-I... We, er... W-What else did the aunties say?" I asked slowly, my voice going oddly high as my mind scrambled to recover from the verbal punch of the century.
"They said when you like a boy so much that your wolf gets fluttery, he becomes your boyfriend. And that boyfriends are fun. But that sometimes they break hearts and make you cry in the bath."
I’d often left my little boy in their care while visiting neighboring packs and sorting out medical issues. It wasn’t new that the ladies of Darkwind were notorious gossips—sharp-tongued, over-powdered, and forever sipping someone else’s tea.
But doing so in front of my son? In front of my baby? Wow. I was going to murder every single one of those gossiping hens.
"Well, sweetie," I said as calmly as I could, gently tucking his curls behind his ear, "Ivan is not Mommy’s boyfriend. Not even a little bit."
"Hmm. But he wants to be," Asha said matter-of-factly. "I saw the way he looked at you. It was that stare that says, ’I want to kiss your face and carry you to my wolf house forever.’"
He grinned, all teeth and smugness. "That’s what Auntie Elna said her mate does to her. She said that’s how boys act when they want to make you their luna. I don’t think Daddy will like that. Ivan is scary."
I dropped my head into my hands and let out the longest, most suffering sigh known to she-wolf kind. The kind that clawed its way up from deep in the chest, dragging centuries of female agony with it.
I needed a drink. Or an exorcism. Whichever came first.
"Sweetheart," I murmured. "Sometimes adults have complicated feelings. Like I said, Ivan and I used to be... friends. But things got messy. And right now, we’re just... trying to figure stuff out. It’s important that you understand there is nothing going on between me and Ivan. Daddy is our family. He’s our forever."
"Okay, Mommy. I don’t like Ivan anyway, and I don’t think Daddy will like him, too," he pouted, and that earned a soft laugh from me.
"You have to at least be civil, baby. Think of him like... a frenemy."
Asha blinked at me. "So he’s like the pet lizard I used to hate but then loved after he ate worms?"
I paused. Then laughed. "Yes. Exactly like that."
He beamed like he’d cracked some sacred emotional code.
"Okay. Then maybe I’ll give him a chance."
My heart twisted painfully.
"That would mean a lot, baby," I said softly. "Just... don’t rush. You can take your time, alright?"
"Okay. But if he makes you cry in the bath, I’ll kick his big butt."
He giggled, snuggled closer, and sighed. "I still vote ice cream though."
"You’re incorrigible."
"I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like a yes."
I laughed into his hair, holding him tight—wishing I could freeze this moment in time.
His little heartbeat pounded gently against my chest, clueless, innocent, oblivious to the vipers and troubles that existed just beyond these walls. Right in this pack.
But for now, in this very moment, at least, the war was on pause.
And I had my little soldier tucked safely in my arms. My fleeting teether of peace in a world that had given me none.