Chasing a clear and definite target differs drastically in psychological stress from pursuing a goal whose existence is uncertain. The former only tests perseverance, whereas the latter tests much more.
I once told Zhu Shi that had I not been a supernatural power user, I might not have persisted in investigating bizarre incidents up until now. Although Zhu Shi said that even if I didn’t have supernatural abilities, I would definitely pursue it relentlessly, yet that is ultimately a hypothetical narrative. Just as I ponder whether I could do it, others would certainly doubt whether I could achieve it, just like Changan now.
He has indeed woken up. But not from this dream; rather, he has woken from the false illusions accumulated in his heart. It seems he has become disillusioned with me.
"Of course, I know what you would think after hearing me say this," he said, "You must find me very bizarre, right? All of this is just my own expectations and sense of betrayal. I am just a foolish clown. But..."
Towards the end, little Chang’an’s voice became incredibly melancholic, like a child unable to continue the fantasy yet unwilling to face reality, refusing to grow up.
Unable to face Mr. Zhu and Zhu Shi, treated as consumables and tools by his father Ying Lingyun and mother Yinyue, even the friendships in his heart have dimmed, and nothing in the real world can help him escape the darkness anymore.
He seems unable to maintain that heartless smile any longer.
"So what? Are you trying to say that because I disappointed you, you can’t be drawn back to reality?" I asked.
"Go back... Zhuang Cheng."
This time, he called me by my full name, and closing his eyes as if resigning to fate, he said, "Thank you for expending so much effort to save me, but it’s no use. Let me die here, then let Yinyue completely consume me. I don’t want to think about anything anymore."
"Not planning to struggle anymore? Do you want to let the evil man-eating demon continue to occupy your spirit and body?" I asked.
"Give up on me," his voice was filled with exhaustion.
Seeing him in such a disgraceful state, various scenes from the dream flashed through my mind, and I made my judgment.
"—You aren’t Chang’an, are you?" I said.
"What?" He opened his eyes.
"You’ve shown your true colors, Yinyue... my friend isn’t as fragile as you are performing," I said. "I’ve always been puzzled why there would be information in the dream that Chang’an shouldn’t know. It must be because of your powers.
"Since ancient times, dreams have been regarded as an extremely mysterious realm. Some believe that dreams provide clues to the past and future, even prophetic dreams. I’ve also been told that human consciousness can transcend time and space, and Divination Technique gathers information from the past and future by utilizing the innate transcendental properties of consciousness. It’s just that humans are limited by their inherent constraints, unable to fully utilize its capabilities.
"But Yinyue, you are different. As a being beyond humans, you are not bound by human innate limitations, hence you can even alter history at will with your superpower. Witnessing events around Chang’an that he has never seen happen is not beyond your capabilities.
"Upon careful consideration, it’s also clear that you and Chang’an are inseparable. In a sense, you are the Chang’an who mistakenly thinks he is Yinyue, or rather, you are Yinyue with the memories of Chang’an. Hence in the Spirit World, not only Chang’an would appear, but you too—unless you are interacting with me in Chang’an’s guise."
Little Chang’an said, "Still speaking such nonsense... Can’t you accept that I’ve become disillusioned with you?"
"More importantly... Yinyue, just as humans can’t fully understand your thoughts, you also cannot really understand human thoughts," I continued on my own, "Maybe you think that Chang’an idolized me, and once humans become disillusioned with their idols, they naturally become utterly disappointed, even wishing to discard their past selves who admired the idols... But Chang’an and I aren’t in an idol and fan relationship, we are friends.
"Even if the original connection was based on a misunderstanding, we have already experienced so much together. The emotions developed between us, to this day, can’t be simply cut off by a statement that ’it was all a misunderstanding’.
"You just want me to give up on saving Chang’an."
Little Chang’an frowned.
"Even if what you say is true..." he said, "If I really am Yinyue, why would I show you so many of my past troubles before? Many of those have nothing to do with what you presume my intentions to be?"
"Because my Fireball severely injured your soul," I said. "My flames can discern friend from foe, and wouldn’t damage Chang’an’s part, so the severe damage inflicted on you was most likely solely to your Yinyue component.
"Plus, your soul was already in contradiction due to being unable to assimilate Chang’an’s memories, the injury made you temporarily unable to suppress Chang’an’s self-awareness. Until halfway through, your own self-awareness finally took over again and began attempting to deceive me—I’m right, aren’t I?"
Little Chang’an initially remained silent, then sighed and said, "—It seems you’ve grown much wiser after becoming Impermanence.
"No, it’s not wisdom, but intuition... Although your reasoning doesn’t include anything beyond your existing knowledge, the reason you could reach conclusions so quickly is because you grasped the truth through intuition from the beginning, then reasoned backward.
"In that case, there’s no use in me picking apart your reasoning any further."
He seemed to give up on rebutting, yet did not change into Yinyue’s appearance.
"Still not planning to revert to your original form? Do you want to continue to deceive my heart using my friend’s childhood face, or because of the severe injury to your soul, you can’t even change back in the Spirit World?"
While speaking, I summoned a Fireball: "Regardless, you’ve got nowhere to run, Yinyue. All that’s left is to fully burn away the parts of Chang’an’s soul that belong to you, and you’ll be completely finished."
"You indeed have the power to do this now, but you’re not someone who talks so much before acting, are you?" he coldly watched me, "You also understand, if you destroy me, my son will cease to exist too."
Caught by his insight, I had to halt my movements.
"Let me tell you the truth then, Zhuang Cheng."
Yinyue, using Chang’an’s face, revealed a fiercely malicious smile.
"—’Zhu Changan’ personality, from the very beginning, was just a lie I weaved, nothing but an ’illusion’."