Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
“I’m ready to start a new life.
“Because another important person has appeared in my life.
“To me, this person is as important as that man whom I have loved for so many years.
“This person will be my everything in the future.
“All that I have and my entire being, including the remaining years of my life, will all exist for the sake of this person.”
Gu Yusheng tightened his grip on the cigarette between his fingers, distorting its shape. An ash fell off the tip, and the wind carried it off into the night sky.
Nighttime in early spring was slightly chilly. Wearing only a thin jacket, his teeth chattered from the cold and yet, as if he didn’t feel it, he remained rooted in place like a fool while staring in a trance at the silhouette of two figures standing in the window.
Is this man what she meant by starting a new life?
The two appeared to be getting along well and, though he couldn’t hear their conversation or clearly see their expressions, their animation indicated that they were having a happy conversation.
The man was very caring toward her. Two days ago, the heaters had been turned off in Beijing, and it must have been cold in the room, as during their conversation, the man retrieved a blanket for her and draped it over her body.
She was also very caring toward the man; she left the balcony and fetched him a cup of water. After standing on the balcony for a short while, they headed back into the apartment.
The warm lights were turned off and dim lights were turned on. Shortly after, the curtains were drawn, and only a faint streak of light penetrated through the gap between the curtains.
Gu Yusheng was still like a statue in the same spot. The window he was staring at now was completely dark; there was nothing to see.
The scene of her chatting with the man on the balcony flashed before his eyes. He felt a tightness in his chest that was heavy and suffocating.
When he was young, he had given up on her without any hesitation for the sake of his dream. She had not blamed him and, even after he had left, she had continued to love him passionately for all those years without any second thoughts.
Thereafter, he had forgotten about her and then, without any hesitation, he had chosen to let her down again after their drunk sex that night because of little troublemaker.
Carefully thinking through all these years, other than his sincere love for her, all that he, Gu Yusheng, had given to Qin Zhi’ai was letting her down. Now that she had started fresh, he couldn’t possibly have the cheek to ask her to consider him again.
The cigarette in his hand burnt at a faster speed as the wind blew, and the smoke drifted into his eyes, making them sore.
In novels, when people with amnesia regain their memory, it represents the start of a beautiful reunion. Yet in reality, now that he had unlocked the trove of beautiful memories that he had buried deep within his mind, it only marked the beginning of true separation.
All that he could do now was to hope that she would be happy for the rest of her life. If she could be happy, then perhaps he could also feel some happiness.
He stood there for the entire night, and only when the sun rose did he move his ice-cold feet and straighten his body. The garbage can next to him was piled with cigarette butts. Upon noticing them, he cleared his dry, sore throat. Pondering something, he stood there silently with his head down for a moment before leaving.