Cheng Su awoke with a start several times during the night, each time staring unblinkingly at the pitch-black ceiling seeing nothing, and she could always recall the sight of blood seeping through her pants that day.
It was her blood, her child’s blood, and it seemed as though she could still hear her child’s cries.
"What’s wrong?" Hearing sobs, Qi Taiguo woke up and pulled the light cord.
Cheng Su buried her face in his chest and began to cry.
"What on earth is wrong? Are you not feeling well somewhere?" Qi Taiguo said, becoming very anxious and ready to peel back the bedding to check.
Cheng Su shook her head and said, "No, it’s not that, I... I’m just thinking about the child."
Qi Taiguo’s hand stiffened, and he asked, "Why on earth are you thinking about this now?"
He felt a sourness in his heart, and it was unbearable.
"I just think, if I had been more careful, more cautious, maybe we wouldn’t have lost him." Cheng Su cried.
"You didn’t know you were pregnant, right? Didn’t the doctor say it had only been a little over a month? Before, you’ve also had late periods; don’t blame yourself. This child wasn’t meant to be with us at this time; we have no connection to him. He will definitely come in the future," Qi Taiguo consoled her.
Cheng Su nodded and it took a good while before her crying stopped.
"I’m thinking, when I feel a bit better in a few days, I want to go to the temple to hold a ritual to help him reincarnate. Will you come with me?" Cheng Su spoke, nestled in his embrace.
Qi Taiguo hummed in agreement: "There’s no rush for that. Wait until you’ve recovered more before we go."
As long as it could provide her some peace of mind, he was willing to do anything.
Only then did Cheng Su feel at ease. Now that she couldn’t sleep, she might as well talk with him.
"I never believed in all of this before, but then..." Cheng Su recalled her own bizarre transmigration and said, "After that, I had no choice but to believe there is a heaven’s will in this world."
"That’s why you shouldn’t overthink it. The child is definitely doing well in another world," Qi Taiguo said.
Cheng Su said nothing. She too had traversed to this world as a soul. What about the child who had just formed an embryo? Missing out on this life, would he be born into a better family?
"Let’s continue to sleep, okay? You’re too preoccupied; if you can’t sleep well, you won’t be able to recover," Qi Taiguo said.
Cheng Su nodded and suddenly grabbed his hand to ask, "Taiguo, Chiang Qing, is she really a schizophrenic?"
"Why bring up such a person?" Qi Taiguo’s hand paused as he was about to pull the light cord.
"I just feel it’s too frightening." Feeling both fear and regret, Cheng Su said, "Do you think if I hadn’t provoked her, she might still be normal, wouldn’t have attracted attention from her family, and this wouldn’t have happened?"
The butterfly effect, probably just like that, anything has an initial butterfly that first fluttered its wings.
Qi Taiguo chuckled and said, "If that’s the case, the one who should be blamed most is me. If I didn’t exist in this world, none of this would’ve happened. The logic is the same."
"This..."
"Listen, no one’s to blame here. If we must blame someone, then blame her parents for not raising her properly. Blame her for holding on too tightly to her obsessions, which led to the current situation. When a person is too obsessed, even if we do nothing, she would still end up pushing herself to the edge of a cliff, and might even fall off. Do you understand?" Qi Taiguo pressed her lips and said, "So don’t blame yourself. I won’t allow it. Now sleep."
Click, the light went out, and the room returned to darkness.
With her eyes half open, Cheng Su contemplated obsession—the insistence on clinging to something without letting go, the inability to transcend. When obsessed, there would be resentments. Only by letting go of the obsession can one find ease. Otherwise, it would bind them.
And Chiang Qing, would she let go?