“I often thought about it. If only I had begged him to take me away when I was pregnant, my children would not have died.”
“If only I had remained obediently by his side right from the start, not kicking up a big fuss or trying to escape—perhaps my partners would still be alive.”
“If only I had not so resolutely ripped off a piece of my own skin after he raped me, without even giving him a chance to explain. If I had not ended our partner relationship and turned him into a stray beast, perhaps I might still be living peacefully in the tribe, with a powerful and caring partner, and adorable children.”
“If only I had been able to overcome the fear in my heart right from the beginning and patiently listened to his confession of love—perhaps he would not have been forced to use such a method to become my partner.”
“If only… there could really be if only, all that would have not happened. It’s my fault, it’s all my fault…”
Gu Mengmeng turned her hand around to hold Natalie’s wrist. “Loving you cannot be used as an excuse for hurting you. All this is not your fault.”
Natalie raised her head as tears filled her eyes.
Not… her fault?
How could it be not her fault?
Gu Mengmeng knew that the conflict in Natalie’s heart stemmed from the self-denial arising from when one was faced with extreme helplessness.
Unable to change the world and nowhere to complain about the unfairness of it all. So the only way left was to focus the fault-finding inwards and continuously think: It’s my fault, it’s all my fault… it must be because I was not good enough, that’s why things turned out like this…
Gu Mengmeng held Natalie’s shoulder and gazed into her eyes. “What happened in the past has happened. We are unable to change it. There is no ‘if only’ in this world. Everyone must pay for the consequences of their past actions. It is meaningless to continue living in the past. You must focus on the present and look towards the future.”
Natalie looked blank, completely unable to understand what Gu Mengmeng was saying. Nevertheless, she felt as if a piece of her heart had caved in.
Gu Mengmeng continued. “He has the right to like you, but that was a one-sided decision on his part. So he should bear the consequences himself. We are unable to take responsibility for every single person who likes us. We can only take responsibility for ourselves.”
Gu Mengmeng took up Natalie’s hand and placed it over her heart. “Ask your own heart. Do you like him now?”
Natalie knew who Gu Mengmeng was referring to and she bit her lip in hesitation. But she still shook her head in the end.
“There are too many grievances between us, how to like him? One more day together is just another day of torture.”
Gu Mengmeng nodded. “This matter will go easier if you don’t like him.”
Natalie looked up at Gu Mengmeng in confusion.
Gu Mengmeng continued. “I am bringing you along with me back to Saint Nazaire.”
Natalie was momentarily taken aback. She instinctively avoided Gu Mengmeng’s gaze. “But Chixuan’s antidote…”
Gu Mengmeng shrugged nonchalantly. “It doesn’t matter. I can save my own son. I just have to gather the five treasures in exchange for the antidote from Cole. I wager that Cole won’t dare to cheat me.”
Natalie twisted her lips as she remained silent. She didn’t shake her head or nod, as if she had fallen into deep thought.
Gu Mengmeng didn’t press her but just said, “You also know that I am the Beast King and hold exceptional powers. If you are afraid that he will come to Saint Nazaire to bother you, I can just go out and kill him now. It will be a piece of cake for me, and your problem will be resolved once and for all.”
Gu Mengmeng rose after speaking, but Natalie grabbed her wrist.