The bloodshed that followed was honestly not as bad as Carl expected, with the people present, he assumed there would be at least a little dismemberment. Which made him think they weren’t as entirely sad as they appeared.
When the blood was cleaned up by smudge, who took the opportunity to inform Carl that "Gillian tastes gross, but maybe cooking will take away the copper-ish taste." they all returned to the island to talk.
"Okay, we have a home, Klaire, if you are ready, I would like to sign the contract." Carl said decisively, any lingering childish notions that he and she wouldn’t work had been wiped from his mind, he would have married her then and there if he could.
"Really? Last chance. I’m violent, erratic, not as smart, bossy and clingy, not to mention I get crumbs in bed and stop you from staying up tinkering with things all night which annoys you." Klaire said.
"What about you? I’m oblivious, inconsiderate, stubborn, reckless and hyper-fo-"
"Oh for gods’ sakes will you two sign the damn thing already, you’re making us sick." Gillian said, nearly earning another clobbering from Klaire until she noticed all the adults agreeing with a silent nod and pained expressions.
"Maybe I should read it first?"
"Carl, are you saying you don’t trust us?"
"Yes. When it comes to seizing the opportunity to fix me. Yes, a thousand times Yes." Carl said flatly, without hesitation as the thousand times he’d heard the phrase "I wish I could just force you to (insert desire change to behaviour here)"
Carl didn’t read it fully it fully, the thing had clearly taken hours upon hours of writing and careful phrasing under everyone’s watchful gaze to make sure there was no chance of accidental punishment.
"Okay we are going to need to add something right here." Carl declared suddenly. "You say if I don’t talk to you at least once a week when we’re separated my stats will drop by ten percent a day until I talk to you."
"Same for me, what’s the problem? Planning to ignore me already?"
"No. You’re planning to take the Howling remember, both our stats dropping cos we can’t talk might be an issue."
This started another editing session with Gillian and Carl included. Only two hours later though, the contract was truly finished.
"Do we really have to do this for everyone who joins?" Carl sobbed as he signed the final contract, which now ended with "This contract can be amended, providing there are at least two witnesses and all present agree it is fair."
[ KLAIRE HAS JOINED THE HOUSEHOLD ]
"No, for others we can use a template for the most part, with role specific stuff added on. For you two though this had to be air tight, because the household can’t afford to have the patriarch and matriarch worrying about relationship stuff in the middle of an emergency. It also had to be able to survive the highly improbable outcome of you two calling quits on each other."
"Good, because, I beat Gillian one-on-one and now he has to join, I asked him to get Daniel and Darren on board and there are two others waiting to join, not to mention we need to get Lydia signed up."
At the strange looks at Carl’s declaration, the two men explained the plan they had concocted.
"Decent, it will definitely work and it isn’t uncommon for students to begin laying foundations for the optional programme in the run up to exams. Lydia, can we leave them in your care then?"
"Why are you even asking, I’ll sign the contract if it says I have to be Carl’s cuddle buddy when Klaire isn’t home." Lydia chuckled, leading to a new round of editing on mine and Klaire’s contract literally before the ink had fully dried.
"I Lydia, cannot be in any bedroom alone with Carl, unless it is in my capacity as a medical professional, any attempt at illicit fraternisation, be it unsolicited or otherwise will result in the following penalties, total and permanent removal of succubus pheromones, fifty percent reduction in stats and my breasts will start to sag. Klaire, that last bit is just uncalled for."
"They’re perky and I’m jealous, sign it. Carl, your turn."
Unlike Lydia, Carl knew any attempt to read it would be considered a sign of intent, which would be an act of infidelity which as stated in section 21 subsection D, paragraph 4 would result in paralysis and pain in a certain extremity to "remind him of the importance of promises." Besides, she would always just be Auntie Lydia. His crush on her barely lasted the first year and ended... Dramatically.
"Fiiiiine." Lydia sighed, as she signed the document.
[ LYDIA HAS JOINED THE HOUSEHOLD ]
"Gillian, you’re up. I need you to sign a dotted line."
"Gillian’s asleep right now, please redirect all messages to his subconscious." He groan the response from an impromptu, nest on the couch where he had been studying the realm gate physics paper he was promised.
"Dude you sleep like a baby, sign the damn paperwork and get back to your suite." Carl responded through exhausted grouchiness.
"Carl you’re a real slave-driver of a patriarch, you know that right?"
"And you’re an idiot drooling on the Madam Director’s couch, sign it, clean it and get yourself to bed before I change the realm gate physics test due to cheating." Leanna added, only half-joking since the violation of her couch would haunt her O.C dreams even more than the crumbs Klaire liked to leave.
That was enough to snap him out of the tired stupor and sign the contract.
[ GILLIAN HAS JOINED THE HOUSEHOLD ]
[ SYSTEM NOTICE : YOU HAVE THREE PEOPLE WANTING TO JOIN HOUSEHOLD ]
"Okay, three people left, leaving two for now. Mum, want to join now?"
"Oh? I’m not joining." Alisha’s bluntness nearly made them all drop.
"What do you mean you aren’t joining?"
"Well, not until Leanna does. I got ten years, the baby years where I was all you had. Leanna has had barely eight, sharing you with everyone. I can’t join until she does, until we’re really equal as your mothers I won’t jump in after she got you this far." Alisha stated it as though it were common knowledge.
Leanna tried to convince her but Carl told her not to bother. "The more you try the more she’ll double down. What I want to know is who the third is then."
"Are you really that dumb? You know who it is.... No? The techno harpy, duh!"
"Tech-... Oh! Alysse? Why the hell would she want to join?"
"Dude, you really that dense?"
"Carl, really, we only heard what Klaire told us and...."
"What?"
Klaire adopted a mocking mimicry. "Oh Carl, you’re so good with this stuff. You programmed that system projector like it was nothing. Let me rub your shoulders while you nerd out over your baby..." Klaire huffed when Carl looked at her like she was going mental. "She loves you Carl."
"What? Who? Alysse? No, never. Even after I broke up with you she never said anything. Why would she stay quiet if we weren’t together anymore." Gillian interrupted Klaire with a hand on her shoulder and a sharp shallow shake of his head.
"Carl, you have a gift... Women love you, a lot of women, but you’re too oblivious to notice. That whole human plus thing that we all had to agree to keep secret, that got their attention. The constant persistence, hellish working out in, in public and half-naked might I add, well that got their affection, well most, then you showed off your brain and got the rest."
"I mean, I got a few letters my first year..."
"Yep, then the boys and I do mean all the boys, and I started running interference. Then the big kiss happened and you were off limits."
"Okay and what about after the break up?"
"Man you are dense. After the break up, they gave a few months to let you get over it, then considered moving in, that includes the not so innocent Alysse. However! They were halted! Their hands stayed! Why? You might ask, my blind, pitiful friend." He stepped slowly to one side, gesturing behind him as he slowly revealed an angry Klaire.
"Just thinking about those trollops makes me mad! Now I know how Leanna felt with that one boy Lydia stole." She fumed, not concerned with the way she had just dredged up a black mark on their friendship.
"Okay Klaire, you’re not thinking about what you’re speaking time to stop..." Lydia sang with tuneless desperation as the eyes of Lillim’s daughter pierced through her soul.
"Yes, Lydia is right. Besides, she did me a favour, if he could be tempted by some tart walking by so easily, then he wasn’t a man I really wanted. The fact that Carl didn’t realise though and yet he cottoned on to your crush so quickly should speak volumes about the attention he pays you compared to others." Leanna said, through gritted teeth, cracking her knuckles and making all of us freeze in place.
"Well, don’t worry Klaire, I don-"
"Carl, don’t be an idiot, if she can get over you and is happy to sigh a contract, then let her join. You enjoyed her friendship and she will be an incredible asset in time, plus she signed up for the optional programme solo... So she is probably waiting for you to whisk her off her feet."
"Okay... Isn’t that a bit inconsiderate though."
"It’s her decision, if she can’t deal, she can resign and we’ll put a penalty in the contract where she loses her memories like we did Gillian’s."