— I heard time dulls pain, but it never did for me. For years, I carried it like a wound I refused to look at. Perhaps if I hadn’t touched it, there would’ve been no infection. Maybe I thought that if I stayed silent, he’d still be alive somewhere—in the deepest part of my being. But the truth tastes bitter and carries a cruel sound—it tears through you, leaves you hollow, and reminds you that love makes cowards of us all. Too afraid to admit what died right before our eyes. —
Hearing the sound of a knock on the door, Henry sat on the mattress, body stiff.
Loti looked his way.
"It can’t be the High Priest, right?" Henry nervously asked.
The woman shrugged.
"Could be. That man can never be trusted, after all," she whispered, voice low.
For a brief moment, they remained quiet.
Just then, another knock followed.
"I will—"
"I will open the door," Loti said, stopping her partner from leaving the bed. She sprang to her feet, quickly arranging her loosely messy flowing hair along with her white night robe. She tied the belt tightly around her waist, ready to confront whoever came.
But... Who could it be at this hour? It can’t be a servant... An assassin? But why? Did people in Revhara knock when they came to kill someone?
She almost laughed at her own thoughts. Shaking her head, she tapped her forehead as if that would stop her silly ideas.
Inhaling deeply, she placed her hand on the handle, pulling it toward her. The door slowly swung open, and she gasped as soon as she saw the figure standing before her.
A tall young man—silver hair, red eyes, broad shoulders—his figure wrapped in a dark green shirt. A man too familiar for her not to recognize.
"Raniel." The word escaped her mouth before she realized it.
But his eyes... how could he carelessly show them if he were truly Raniel?
She wondered.
Ren looked around, quickly stepping into the room without waiting for permission, gently pushing the woman aside before she could utter a word. Then he turned, closing the door behind him. A soft sigh escaped his lips—relieved, his head lowering slightly.
When he shifted toward Loti, he spotted Henry already standing beside her, his eyes suspicious. Yet, they softened the moment the dim light revealed Ren’s face.
Tears streamed down Loti’s cheeks, her shoulders trembling as she covered her mouth to muffle the sound of her ragged breathing.
"Y-You... it was you!" she cried. "I—I was right..." She didn’t know whether to laugh or weep, but her eyes already decided—the tears wouldn’t stop.
Ren smiled bitterly, giving her a slow nod. He had debated whether to come at all, but now he finally stood before them, no longer forced to pretend to be a stranger. As long as it was only them in the delegation, he was safe. Eiran was safe. They wouldn’t hurt him—or his son.
"Where is Ilyan?" she asked, looking around. Then, she turned her head toward the door as if it would open at any moment and the man would walk in with a reckless smile on his face. As always.
"Did he not come?"
Gently cupping her face between his palms, Ren locked eyes with her, shaking his head. His jaw clenched tightly as he tried to control his body. To remain composed.
Henry and Loti narrowed their gazes, perplexed.
"What do you mean?" Henry asked, forcing a laugh, trying not to have any dark thoughts in his mind.
Loti could barely manage a word, trying to stop herself from crying. She thought she wouldn’t cry as much as she did six years ago. Yet, there she was, weeping like a child.
"He will not be coming," Ren said in a low voice, almost to himself.
After wiping her tears, eyes red, Loti demanded, "Is he busy? How can he send you alone to meet us? Doesn’t he know how dangerous it is for you?"
Chills ran down Ren’s spine, making him wonder why he even came here. He could have feigned ignorance, let them assume he was not the person they knew, and ended it there. For him to state the truth, perhaps the demon of honesty had possessed him.
The corner of his eyes burned but he tried not to let the tears flow. He had to remain strong. They were Ilyan’s friends as well. They deserved to know the truth. For the sole fact that they were the ones who helped him and Ilyan escape that hell.
Unable to stay on his feet, Ren collapsed to the ground. Perhaps it was the burden, the guilt he had been carrying all this time. And the need to simply let it out. His knees struck the cold floor with a dull thud, but he didn’t care about the pain. It was nothing compared to the burning sensation in his chest.
Loti tried to reach for his shoulders but the silver-haired young man covered his face with trembling hands, causing her to stop midway.
"I-I couldn’t save him..." he finally said, his voice shaky.
Silence hung in the room, heavier than any blade.
"What do you mean?" Henry let out a dry, faint laugh. This couldn’t be true.
Not save him?
What was there to save? Ilyan was the strongest knight Hianshu had—he should have been the one protecting Ren.
"This isn’t like you," Henry’s voice trembled. "Don’t make jokes like that." Every part of him screamed that this was a lie. A nightmare he couldn’t wake from.
"Right. Come on, Raniel. Don’t scare us like this," Loti’s hands hung in the air for a moment. She couldn’t bring herself to move them, as if frozen in place.
"Loti... Henry..." Ren’s breath came out ragged as he lowered his hands. Tears streamed down his cheeks like a river breaking free after a long winter. "Ilyan is gone. He is dead."
For so long, he’d forgotten what it meant to cry—to feel. The pain came like fire through his chest, terrifying and real. He despite how vulnerable he appeared but this was beyond his control.
Perhaps it was because he had never said the words aloud that he kept feeling Ilyan’s presence nearby. Even when he told Zayden, it didn’t carry much weight. Was it because these people knew Ilyan? Or was it the strength he had began crumbling?
But now that he had said it twice—he knew better than anyone that Ilyan wasn’t coming back.
He was gone.
Forever.
And Ren was left with his child and his memories.