"Then why did his voice wake you?" Ilyan asked, his voice softer than earlier.
Ren froze at the question. His mind went blank as Ilyan’s fingers traced the curve of his cheeks, trembling as if afraid to let go. He followed the movement of those hands with his gaze, searching for his words. He had no idea what to say, and what to not.
"I just heard a voice," he murmured. "That’s all..." He lowered his gaze, unsure of his own answer.
Ilyan’s smile softened, his thumbs brushing the corners of Ren’s lips. He didn’t say anything for a long moment. At least not until Ren pressed his forehead against his, their noses touching each other.
"Do you really think it would have reached you," he whispered, locking gaze with the man, "if you had nothing for him in your heart?"
"Stop saying nonsense, Ilyan."
Ren pulled himself from the man immediately, turning his head away, shutting his eyes tightly. It was not fury but guilt that overwhelmed him.
He didn’t dare look at Ilyan—because deep down, he had begun to remember.
The trembling voice that kept calling his name echoed in his mind now like a sweet melody.
He remembered his consciousness slowly fading into darkness as he watched a man beg him to stay awake. It was the man he had never liked one bit at first, and yet... that very man made his heart race. The sound of his name in that voice stirred something within him—something he didn’t want to admit.
Tears began to drip from his eyes, sliding down his jaw. When he felt the air shift beside him, he opened his eyes—only to find Ilyan’s hand just below his chin, catching every tear that slipped down his cheeks.
"Oh. Did I make you cry?" Ilyan’s voice wavered. "Don’t cry... please," there was something in his voice Ren couldn’t grasp.
Ren’s chest tightened further. How could his heart beat for another man other than the one in front of him?
"Shh," Ilyan murmured, though the sound came out shaky. "You know, I’ve been meaning to come see you. But you’ve been holding onto me so tightly I just..." He took a shaky breath before continuing, "couldn’t."
Ren’s eyes widened.
"Do you mean... I let go of you? I—I betrayed you... I..." He sobbed, his hands flying to his face, his body shaking.
"What betrayal?" Ilyan forced a dry, quiet chuckle, running his fingers through Ren’s hair and pulling him into a tight hug. "I know you. You wouldn’t. And you didn’t."
"I—I let someone else take your place!" Ren removed his hands, locking eyes with Ilyan while his own trembled at the thought alone. "Y-You were my everything... H-How could I?..."
"No. He didn’t take my place, nor did you let him." Ilyan smiled softly, pressing a gentle kiss on Ren’s forehead. "He created a place of his own in your heart."
"B-But I let you go..."
"No, you did not. You held onto me for as long as you should have. But the world stops for no one. You made a promise, remember? If happiness ever knocks at your door, you wouldn’t turn it away."
Ren bit his lips, blinking rapidly as tears kept slipping down his cheeks.
Ilyan cupped the silver-haired man’s face with both hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
"Our love will not disappear. It will remain alive within you... and within our child. Forever, and ever, and ever. We made countless promises I never got to see fulfilled. But you need to live those moments for me. Alright? Don’t let this chance go—now that you’ve found love again."
"But... that’s betraying you," Ren sniffled.
"Hah... this again?" Ilyan whispered, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "You made a promise, Ren. You would find happiness—no matter with, or without me."
"But I swore to always love you... and I... I ended up liking him. I’m sorry. He is... so kind. He—" Ren’s voice trembled along with his body. "How can he forgive everything? How can he just... do it out of love? I thought only your love was sincere. But... maybe... I began to love him for him. And his kindness was just an excuse to hold onto these feelings."
"It’s okay," Ilyan whispered. "I know I will always be here" he pressed his finger on Ren’s chest, then tapping it twice. "And Eiran will always be there for you."
Ren frowned at the name.
Eiran...
Then, the bright smile of his son flashed in his mind. He clutched at his chest. What was he thinking—abandoning his child—even if he knew Zayden would never hurt him?
Then it all began to return—everything that had happened, everything he had forgotten when he first woke in this dream. Or rather, he erased from his memories.
"Wait... Was that why you sent him to the dragon’s lair? So his lifespan wouldn’t be that of a human, and he’d be there for me?.."
Ilyan didn’t answer, but it was obvious Ren was right.
"Don’t let me be a shackle to you," he murmured, his voice fading. "Don’t let me hold you back from your happiness. I have loved you then, I love you still, and I always will. But now... Return to those who loves you just as much."
Ren’s breath hitched as Ilyan’s voice grew softer, almost blending with the rustle of the wind around them. Instinctively, he reached out, grabbing Ilyan’s wrist at first, his own hand trembling in the cold. Slowly, his hand slid, but he held onto Ilyan’s firmly, refusing to let go.
"No," Ren whispered, shaking his head, lips quivering. "Not yet. Please... just a little longer. I’ve missed you so much..."
Ilyan let a soft chuckle escape his mouth, brushing a finger along Ren’s nose. "You’ve always hated goodbyes."
"Then don’t say one," Ren pleaded, clutching him tighter, desperate. "Stay... stay until I wake up."
"You will wake up soon... return to where you’ve been until now," Ilyan said, his voice distant, carried like an echo on the cold breeze. The sunlight around them began to dim, fading into pale gold hues. "Zayden’s waiting for you. And so is Eiran. I can’t keep you here forever, my love."
"I—" Ren lowered his gaze. He couldn’t bring himself to tell him that he wanted to stay here forever.
"Go to them. You’ve always wished for a family, and now that you have it, don’t let it slip away," Ilyan whispered, his hand slipping from Ren’s grasp.
"And when you see Eiran... tell him I love him too. And never forget that our love will remain unchanged of what you do in the future. In another life, perhaps... we—" he chuckled. "I love you, Ren."