Mo Roulan rubbed her eyes as she stepped out of the room.
She had just woke up from the sleep after working for the whole night. Her eyes went to clock hanging on the well.
It was around one in afternoon.
Her sleeping cycle was so disturbed these days.
But she didn’t actually mind it.
She just wanted to keep herself busy.
After resigning from her previous job, she has picked a freelancer job now. She worked till her body allowed her and then slept completely exhausted. When she wakes up the cycle repeats.
She still cried sometimes when she remembered about her child but it was better than a month ago.
She was healing.
She could feel it.
She just needed time.
A whole month had passed since she left He Jian.
At night sometimes when she would start to think about him, she would force herself to sleep or work.
It was not as easy as she had thought but she wanted to forget him.
She didn’t want to love again.
She should have known it.
It was not possible between them.
Slight resentment would always lie inside her heart and he would never be able to understand the reason behind it.
That resentment would only increase after she lost the child.
She was afraid that it would eat up everything in their relationship so it was better not to go ahead.
She would break or go crazy with that resentment when he could never understand it.
Mo Roulan sighed as she prepared the coffee. The sound from coffee machine brought her out of her trance. Filling up her cup, she walked to her laptop and opened it.
And hence started another day of her work.
Till eight in the night, she worked continuously....without eating anything or without even getting up from that chair.
At eight, she finally stood up and walked back to the kitchen to make something up.
Making some light food, she came back to her chair and finished it while working.
It was half an hour later that the doorbell of her small but comfy house rang.
Mo Roulan frowned in confusion.
No one really comes to her house. Her family and Lin family were the only ones who knew where she lived and though they visited her frequently especially her parents and her cousin brothers, they never come at such a time of night.
Confused, she walked to the door and opened it.
She was not scared.
It was a very safe area.
Still, when she opened the door and saw the person standing in front of her, her body went completely still.
"Lanlan..."
He Jian’s head was covered in a gauge and he was looking at Mo Roulan intensely. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were red.
Mo Roulan could see the blueness of those eyes only a little.
What happened to him?
She wondered when he stepped forward but stumbled.
"Lanlan!"
A tear slid down He Jian’s eyes as he touched her cheek.
"You are here...with me."
He whispered in a trembling voice and then the next moment, his body went limp and Mo Roulan immediately held his waist.
.
.
.
It had been difficult to drag He Jian’s body to her room but she did in the end.
Because she couldn’t really leave him outside her house.
It was very cold outside and he also didn’t look well.
She stared at the white gauge on his head and frowned in confusion. What happened?
But she was too exhausted to find out and he was also unconscious so she couldn’t ask him.
After staring at him for a few moments, she went to the couch on the living room and slept there since he was sleeping on her bed.
However, after lying there, she couldn’t find any sleep for a long time.
She stared at the ceiling silently as she remembered how he had been looking at her for a few moments.
His eyes were filled with so much pain, so much love but as well as guilt and shame.
A tear unconsciously slid down her eyes.
Was it because of her?
Did he really love her as much as she did?
But still, love was not enough.
It was never enough when they could not be on the same page, when he could not understand her fears and her insecurities regarding their relationship.
Mo Roulan closed her eyes and sighed heavily.
Slowly the sleep consumed her restless thoughts and she fell into a deep slumber.
.
.
.
It was morning.
Mo Roulan blinked as she opened her eyes slowly.
She gasped when she saw the man seated on the ground near the couch as he looked at her unblinkingly.
It was scary.
She was scared and her heart was pounding against her chest but He Jian’s eyes never moved away.
"He Jian..."
She called out warily but he didn’t give any response.
Instead, he raised his hand and touched her hand slowly.
Mo Roulan frowned when she saw his actions because he looked as if he was trying to confirm whether she was real or not.
When his finger touched her he moved it back instantly and looked at her with tear filled eyes again.
What was this?
This was not the He Jian she knew.
"It’s not a dream."
He Jian whispered and Mo Roulan stayed still.
"You are really here ...with me. I can touch you, feel you..."
A tear fell down from his eyes as he held her hand and made her cup his cheek.
"It feels like a dream....I remember how you had looked at me...and then there was blood...so much blood...then you left me. I...I was shocked when they said that you died...I realized how foolish I had been."
Mo Roulan looked at He Jian with horror filled eyes when she heard those words.
He knew.
He knew everything.
Her heart sank deeper inside her chest.
It was funny how she said that she envied him for not knowing anything.
And now when he knew...all she felt was fear.
Fear of what?
The fear that ...he will despise her the same way he did in last life.
She couldn’t see that.
So she did one thing she was best at.
Running away.
Standing up from the couch swiftly, she took away her hand from He Jian’s hold and ran to her room.
It was messed up...completely messed up.
She didn’t understand what exactly her fate wanted from her.
All she could say was ...it was cruel to her.
Very cruel.