THE ALARM CLOCK which I've kept for ten years, rang in my ear. I silently and quickly reached for it, and without a second thought, I roughly pressed the snooze button. It tumbled off the mini-table with one last squeal. This clock has taken way more damage than this so I don't care.
"It's already six o'clock..."
In the end, I only slept for about two hours and it was already morning.
I took off my pajamas, which I didn't know when I had changed into, and headed to the sink in my underwear with heavy steps. As I did so, I picked up the alarm clock and found that the battery cover attached with cellophane tape had come off and a battery had fallen to the floor.
"I guess I was a little too rough. I'll be more careful tomorrow, so forgive me." I then stepped in front of the mirror. "Oh my..."
I couldn't possibly show my face in front of the students in my current state. I've been relatively sleep deprived for the past few days, and the dark circles under my eyes look even more visible today.
After washing my face carefully, I put together a list of cosmetics that I rarely use. I don't want my students to know that I'm in a bad or... unstable state. As I picked up a bottle of lotion, my eyes suddenly met with my own in the mirror. Without thinking, I touch my cheek.
The elasticity and tactile sensation coming from my fingertips will never be the same as when I was in school.
"I've grown old, haven't I?"
It's only been a little more than ten years, but it's still ten years. That's how long it's been since I've seen him, and I can't help but be reminded of...
"Is such a thing trivial...?"
It's not that I've started to understand reality just now. I've known it all along. I resume my halted movements, open the lid, and silently begin applying makeup.
One day it will come.
I knew this from the moment I decided to become a teacher.
I should have known, but I wasn't really ready for it.
"Calm down. This isn't my fight. The situation is different from that time. I'm sure my current class will be able to get through this without a hitch. Yes, they should. It's useless to be nervous."
I felt my heart beating faster and tried to convince myself that this was just like the other exams.
Such shallow thinking did not work, and my heart beat faster and faster. At this rate, I won't be able to hold myself together until the end of the special exam. I can't imagine what the future holds.
"Prepare yourself..."
I muttered to myself as I pressed both palms against the mirror and glared at my reflection.