I turned over Nanyang’s journal. Every page was filled with accusations against Jing Ning and Ye Qian. I couldn’t help but laugh. Jing Ning actually wanted me to sacrifice myself to help bail this pair of adulterous couple out. What a madman!
Nanyang meticulously recorded her entire pregnancy. She felt the joy of being a mother but also a strong sense of sadness and a vague sense of despair. The journal exuded pity from its readers.
The three of us put our heads together and quickly skimmed through the pages.
Mai Qi concluded, “Logically speaking, Nanyang shouldn’t suffer from postpartum depression. She loved her child so much and still had feelings for Jing Ning. She even hoped that Jing Ning would one day return to her. Why would someone like that commit suicide?”
I didn’t say anything.
I realized there were already warning signs when Nanyang came to look for me that day. She wanted to leave her daughter with me. At that time, she had already planned to die to drag Jing Ning and Ye Qian down with her.
However, from the early entries of her journal, she didn’t start with that plan. In other words, someone had guided her towards suicide. Even her visit to me at the dorm was planned. It was why our picture was so ‘coincidentally’ taken.
I continued to read.
‘Nanxing, I know I’ve let you down. I didn’t dare to say these things when I was alive. I only found that courage after death.
‘Do you still remember the kidnapping from our childhood? I have reasons to believe Jing Ning’s father and uncles planned the kidnapping. Their goal should be to eliminate Jing Tian. It is the reason why Jing Tian was the only one among us who was beaten up so badly.
‘It was my fault for selling you out. Jing Ning wanted me to give him your location, and I did to get into his good graces. He probably wanted to demand ransom from your father. I insisted on coming along. I was the extra one.
‘To cover up the truth, the kidnappers captured Jing Ning. However, both Jing Ning and I knew that it was a charade. It was why we hid at the innermost corner and said nothing. We suffered the least because of it.
‘But you used your own actions to convince the other young masters and misses. You were rallying them, so I had no choice but to bully and sabotage you. It was Jing Ning who told me to do all that. His words were like an edict to me. I only knew how to follow them without questioning their morals.
‘Do you know why Jing Ning said he likes you? It was to cover up his actions.
‘I know you must think Jing Ning is an easily angered and dealt with young master.
‘You are wrong. Jing Ning is extremely calculative. He had been like that since he was young. I was wrong to have helped him, but I fell for him. I couldn’t say no to him.
‘He was afraid that the truth about the kidnapping might come out, and he was afraid that you had faked your amnesia. It was why he told grandpa he liked you. He wanted grandpa to set you two together.
‘I hated you from then on because you stole Jing Ning away from me.
‘Jing Ning comforted me without you knowing. He told me that his engagement to you was just temporary. He was sacrificing himself so he and I could have a better future together.
‘During those years, we tried our best to probe into your mind, to test and see if you had really lost your memory.
‘He never loved you. Of course, he never loved me too. We were just his pawns. But I was willing to be his puppet in the hopes that he would one day see my devotion. All these years, I cut off my flesh to feed him and his plans. I did everything to please him.
‘The only time I ever rebelled was after I found out I was pregnant. I demanded he marry me or I would tell the world everything!
‘Nanxing, I am a fool. My life was a waste, a laughable tragedy!’