For one, her own people had sold her out.
They had decided to give up a not-very-important royal they could afford to lose as a slave, and in the end, they chose her.
That already raised the question of whether returning to such a family, who didn't see her as valuable, was something worth considering at all.
And secondly, the Eternal Warlock of War could still very much be alive. If she returned to her people, she would undoubtedly land back in his grasp.
Now, she needed to become strong enough to defeat him, if she ever wanted to return home. But returning home was another question entirely.
Was it even worth it?
"That's... that's quite the situation," Ryuk mused under his breath, and Aster nodded.
"True. I don't know if I even want to return to my race. They sold me out, knowing I was of little value in the first place. And there's still that Eternal Warlock of War."
"Judging by his talent, and with so many years having passed, it's safe to say he would have increased even more in strength and risen quite high in the hierarchy of his race."
"I'd definately be at his mercy if he saw me," she said, and Ryuk's expression tightened.
"So, you haven't decided what to do yet?"
"Maybe train some more, face him and kill him before he kills you, and after that maybe go back to your family and see if you can recon—" He stopped short when he caught the look in her eyes—eyes that seemed ready to tear him apart if he dared finish that word.
He went silent, muttering a quiet, "Sorry."
"It's fine. Life doesn't revolve around those two things, remember? It doesn't have to be all about the Eternal Warlock of War or just about me returning home to my race," she said, and Ryuk tilted his head slightly.
"It doesn't?" he asked, as she turned to look at him with the same expression.
"I do think so. Did you think that's what all life's all about?" she asked. Ryuk replied without much thinking.
"The only reason I breathe is for my goals."
"Finding my race, reconciling with them, and taking back all that was taken from me."
"If I'm not actively walking toward my goals, then I don't think I'm really living at all," he said.
She hummed softly, turning to the bed.
"I see it : if you spend your whole life chasing goals, one day you'll fulfill them all and realize, 'what now?'"
"It'll seem worth it now because you're taking the steps to reach it. But once you're done, you'll only feel whole for a while before feeling empty again.
"Especially if you spent your entire life walking toward it, giving yourself no time to truly live."
"It's like a void that can never be filled," she said, and Ryuk silently considered her words for a moment before murmuring,
"No time to truly live, huh? What is 'truly living' then?" he asked, and Aster responded:
"Maybe everything you do outside of working towards your goals?" A light flickered through his eyes at her words.
"Like spending time with Morgaine..."
It was a quiet musing, but one that Asteralaxia picked up on instantly.
"Morgaine. As in the soon-to-be-crowned Queen of the Fallens?" she asked, and Ryuk nodded.
"Yes. She's a friend of mine, and we spend time together."
"I figured out some time ago that spending time with her doesn't really bring me closer to my goal or anything."
"But it's something I do anyway, and I enjoy doing it."
"Maybe that's your definition of living life?" she asked, her brow furrowing with an unreadable expression.
Her gaze lingered on him for a second too long before she blinked herself back to awareness after he asked
"Are you okay?" And she hurriedly nodded.
"But I thought, sometime ago, you fell out with her? After her mother, the Half-Fallen One, placed a death bounty on your head?"
Ryuk nodded and proceeded to give a summary of how he reconciled with the Half-Fallen One and Old Jack's ploy.
About five minutes later, Aster could easily piece things together.
"Oh, I get it now. Love is truly one way of experiencing life. I've heard of that at least. Never got to actually live it though..." she whispered, hugging her knees closer to her chest.
"Maybe it is. And you're quite old, right?" he asked, as her expression tightened.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" she asked.
"I mean, if you're old, it means you've met many people, experienced many chances of loving someone."
"So, I guess you had a higher chance of seeing someone and loving them before. Hence, getting to experience what love is?"
She softly shook her head.
"I loved my royal sisters at least. Well, until I was married off to that scum and they all voiced no objection and did nothing."
"I've only ever harbored hate ever since then. And they're the only people I've known all my life," she said in a low tone, before continuing:
"Until I met you. And the group, at least."
"Yes. After my race, you were the next person I met."
"And through you, I got to meet Isha and Void."
"And over the last four months, I got to meet Raksasha and Antares too..." she said, and he smiled faintly.
"You guys were the closest thing I've had to a true family."
"The closest I got to feeling loved was from Isha, though."
"Raksasha is playful and easy to get along with, but very mysterious."
"And Antares is quiet."
"You and Void are goofs that trouble me all the time!" she added, and Ryuk's once-bright mood dimmed, a shift that didn't escape Aster's notice. Thɪs chapter is updated by novel✶fire.net
"There's a funny way your eyes light up when you're happy, and then watching that light vanish so quickly. It's like the best thing in the world," she said, laughing softly as Ryuk hmphed.
"Yes, you are. You've caused me so many headaches."