Finn facepalmed. "Oh right... I forgot you don’t know what any of those words mean."
Seraphina tilted her head. "What does cracked mean?"
"It means super strong. OP. Busted. Never mind. Look—are your abilities actually good? Like, what exactly do they do?"
Finn wasn’t just making conversation to kill time—he wanted to know if his future queen-slash-party member was actually worth the emotional investment. And also, you know, to ease the tension. Maybe. A little.
"W-Well... what would you like me to start with?" she asked, brushing some goo off her sleeve.
Finn leapt over a small slime-filled pit and turned, offering her a hand. She grabbed it, and with his help, stepped over safely. Once she was across, he asked:
"Alright, what does your Divine Protect do?"
"Oh! It protects anyone I cast it on. Makes them resistant to spells, poison, curses... stuff like that. I can even summon a full barrier sometimes—if I have enough mana."
"But it drains me a lot. Like, I usually can’t walk afterward."
’Okay, okay, OKAY!! We’re getting somewhere! I knew it—I knew I was making a great investment!’ he screamed internally, practically bouncing with restrained excitement.
"What about your blessings?!"
"I can bless my teammates to buff their strength, magic output, accuracy—depends on the prayer. You’ve probably heard of it—"
"OF COURSE, I HAVE!" he shouted with a little too much enthusiasm.
Seraphina blinked. "Why are you so excited?"
Which was a lie. It was definitely something.
Finn was genuinely thrilled. For once, a girl he met on this dumb fantasy trip wasn’t a total deadweight. Every adventurer chick so far had been hot and utterly useless. Especially Majestria. And she was supposed to be a literal goddess.
The most he’d seen her do was make her hands glow and beat someone into the dirt like a glowing MMA fighter.
’Tch. Divine great goddess my ass.’
Seraphina broke his thoughts. "Do you also want to know about my healing abilities?"
"Nah, I already have a general idea... although," he paused, "I am curious."
She looked over as they walked. "About what?"
"About what made you become a priestess."
"Oh. Well..." Her voice softened. "I was born into a church and raised there. They told me I was destined to be in the hero’s party and help save the world. That I’d be... devoted to the great hero. That I’d serve him and help him bring peace to the land."
Finn whistled. "Wowww. That’s... something."
"Hey—why don’t you tell me more about it after we get out of this slime-covered hellhole?"
Seraphina blinked, caught off guard by how casually he said it. But she smiled faintly and nodded.
"Sure," she said softly.
But soon, their little conversation was cut short by a loud rumble—followed by a weird, sloppy roar that sent an icy shiver down Finn’s spine.
Whatever the hell that was... it wasn’t small. And it definitely wasn’t friendly.
’Geez, I hope everyone else is still alive...’ Finn thought grimly.
He turned to Seraphina. "Let’s hurry up and get out of here. I don’t like whatever the hell that was, and being in this giant open space makes me feel like we’re just asking to get eaten alive."
She nodded quickly, agreeing without a word.
They both picked up the pace, carefully maneuvering around the jagged spikes and slippery ground.
At one point, Seraphina stumbled—her boot skidding on a slick patch of slime—and she nearly fell straight onto a sharpened spike.
Finn caught her just in time, yanking her back by the arm.
She gasped, realizing just how close that was. From that point on, she clung tightly to his arm without shame.
Finn, meanwhile, debated carrying her—but decided against it. His shoulders were already sore, and with the way this cave was laid out, every jump was a potential death sentence. Adding weight sounded like a one-way ticket to "spike-through-the-ass" city.
The cave chamber around them was... massive. Ridiculously massive. Like, way too big to be underground. The kind of space where an entire underground jungle, or maybe a depressed slime-themed civilization, could thrive.
It didn’t even make sense.
’How the hell is this even real? This feels like a poorly Blockscraft’s terrain generator that kicked the bucket.’
Still, logic could eat slime. They had to keep moving.
And just as Finn was about to lose all remaining hope...
Up ahead—barely lit by the glow of the surrounding slimewater—they saw it.
Just ahead—slightly to the left—was a narrow tunnel cutting into the cavern wall. It looked tight, claustrophobic, and completely swallowed in darkness from where Finn stood. But right now? It was hope.
Hope that maybe, maybe, it led out of this gooey, godforsaken nightmare and toward anything resembling civilization.
That’s all Finn wanted. Just to go home. To never think about slime again. His boring, pathetic life back on Earth was suddenly looking like five-star luxury in comparison.
’Maybe I’ll just stay infertile... get a desk job... never touch fantasy again...’
He paused, then shook his head violently.
’No! What the hell am I thinking?! I’ve made it this far—I’m not rolling over and letting my fertility die in a cave full of ass-jiggling mucus! This single bean better be enough to restore the Wiggles bloodline!’
He narrowed his eyes on the tunnel like it owed him money. That was the goal. Get to the tunnel. Survive. Escape. Nut.
As he moved with Seraphina at his side, something snagged his attention—a small, torn strip of red scarf caught on one of the nearby spikes. Faded, frayed, and fluttering slightly.
That meant someone else had been here.
And that they didn’t exactly leave with their full outfit intact.
Finn’s mental stability ticked down one more notch, but he grit his teeth and pushed forward anyway.
They reached the tunnel.
And with no other options left, they slipped inside, swallowed by the blackness.
Unsure of what awaited them within... or what fresh slime-coated hell was waiting ahead.