We are orphans. It is the most appropriate word for my sister and me. We lost our parents five years ago. Back then, I was 20 years old; I was just starting university. My parents died in a traffic accident. My sister was 12 years old when that tragic day happened.
Since then, seven years have passed. As I was already of legal age, I had to take care of my sister. We had no relatives we could trust; we were alone in a big city. As such, I had to grow up much earlier, work full time so that my sister could continue studying. Luckily, our parents left some money for us.
Although it was difficult, especially for me, since I was studying and working, we managed to move forward. My sister also did her part helping with the house chores; she even learned how to cook. In the same way, she also had to mature in her own way. The following year, my sister began to have constant body pain. Since it didn’t happen very often, we didn’t pay much attention to it. But as the months went by, one day she simply collapsed to the floor crying in pain. Worried, I took her to the hospital.
And life hit us again. My sister had bone cancer. My whole world was falling apart. We had a deep conversation about it. It turns out she had been feeling this pain for a long time, without me noticing. In her own words: "I didn’t want to put more weight on your shoulders..."
The cancer was advanced. No definitive solutions could be found, and the only thing that could be done was to try to stop it somehow. The most viable option was chemotherapy. Fortunately, the government was a big help; the expenses were partially covered, but not completely. That’s where I came in.
It was a complete disaster. My somewhat stable life went down the drain. During those six months, my schedule became chaotic. My sister was mostly in the hospital, so at least I didn’t have to worry about her daily care.
I looked for part-time jobs, morning and night. I had very little time for myself. I mostly stopped going to university, I stopped seeing my friends, even my girlfriend. I had no time for anything. Luckily, she was understanding in that sense. As the days and weeks went by, with the few visits to the hospital, the worries, the exhaustion and fatigue, everything went from bad to worse.
My relationship with my girlfriend ended, mainly because of me and my bad mood. At the time, I didn’t care much. The only thing that mattered to me was my sister’s health — but I wasn’t receiving good news.
My sister’s cancer only got worse with time, and with it, the cost of the medicine. It was around then that I picked up the habit of smoking. It became a habit that helped relax my mind, even if only for a few moments.
A bad habit that only made my appearance worse. It’s astonishing to see how worries kill you slowly. In just a few months, I looked like a forty-year-old man.
My grades at university were just as bad. For those six years, everything was complete chaos. If it hadn’t been for the help of some professors, I would never have made it to the final semester. But in the end, it was all for nothing...
A few days ago, my sister was discharged — so to speak. It can be better interpreted as: "use your last days to be with your brother." Her condition is fragile. To endure the pain, she has to be injected with sedatives, which means she spends most of the time sleeping in bed.
She is very attached to me. She’s supposed to be 19 years old, but she doesn’t look like it at all. Her condition and appearance make her seem like a 15-year-old girl. I’ve spent some time with her; she always clings to me and falls asleep in my arms.
Every time I see her, so fragile and small, an overwhelming feeling clouds my thoughts: a hint of melancholy and sorrow. Thoughts cross my mind, always asking: "What if everything were different?"
When I return home, I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t fix myself up at all. I’ve neglected my physical appearance. I haven’t even had the chance to shave. Sighing to myself, I leave the bathroom and sit at the table...
"What do I do now?" I asked myself, looking at the phone. Look for a part-time job or a full-time one... the truth is neither option is viable. There’s no time. There’s no time for anything. The money our parents left us ran out a long time ago. My sister is no longer a minor, so the insurance no longer covers her.
Massaging my temples... taking out a loan either... it’s the last option, and the best of them all, but the question is: how the hell do I pay it back later? That doesn’t matter. I’ll worry about it later... sighing...
"Brother..." My sister’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts...
Every time I see her, I feel sorrow and guilt, injustice and resentment. My only family.
She sat next to me and remained silent.
"Are you feeling okay?" I asked her, worried.
She nodded slightly and lifted her head. Her blue eyes were glowing softly and looked at me with expectation.
"Brother, you won’t let me die, right? We’ll be together forever, right?"
My body trembled. Her bright eyes looking at me... her expectations weigh so much. You have no idea how heavy they are. I feel like I can’t even breathe. I started to sweat cold and feel like throwing up...
My sister slowly gets up and hugs me from behind.
"Don’t be afraid, brother. I’ll be fine, I promise. After this, our lives will go back to normal. Just you and me, brother..."
The feeling never leaves my body. I get chills while it eats away at me inside. I don’t understand what’s happening, but her words are true. After all, it’s what I’ve been fighting for all these years...
My sister... yes, everything is for her. That’s the only thing that matters. As long as she’s okay, I’ll be okay too. Nothing else matters.