Surprisingly, after that encounter aside from the numerous geographical obstacles they had to avoid, they made it back to Midway without further issue.
Adam was tired, physically of course, but spiritually too. However he wasn't yet done, he still needed to make enough money to make the trip worth it. He could worry about his feelings after he sold everything.
"Hey kid…" Salvatore began as they walked through the front gate of Midway after hearing the front gate guard speech again. Adam turned to look at him and then Salvatore sighed and shook his head.
"Nah, nevermind." He smiled softly and patted Adam on the back a few times. "You got this, kid." He said before turning to leave, having sensed the trouble that still clouded Adam's mind.
Adam went through the motions, selling all his stuff at the appropriate vendors as well as fulfilling the specific item requests he had received. Jay, Lune, Doctor Yewon, one flea market vendor, and then a small number of random people he had met who had requests for him. After some effort and at least an hour of pure mercantile experience he managed to offload all his goods; guns, chems, jewelry, everything. He had netted a solid 4232 caps from the venture, by far the most lucrative run he had ever gone on. Most of the money came from Jay, having brought back premium guns after having spent time selecting them. But one cannot discount the fact that each chem was a valuable source of caps and apparently the jewelry sold to Lune was of high quality and sought after. It can not be understated how valuable it is to raid a raider base. No wonder raiders raid, it's incredibly lucrative.
However, at each place, the vendors he knew all asked him if he was doing okay. It was apparently clear on his face that something was off. He was not acting like himself. He did not have the confidence he normally had, the charisma and charm, the inner strength. And despite his best efforts to appear otherwise he was… vacant. It showed. Others were concerned for him.
He waved each of them off however, telling them he was just tired from a trip. Neither Lune nor Jay bought the excuse but for the sake of not prying neither pressed further. Doctor Yewon simply didn't care after she asked so didn't press further for that reason.
Having sold everything he returned to Olivia, much richer.
"2,200 caps." Adam said, putting the vouchers on her counter when he entered her shop. Olivia looked at him surprised.
"I must say you caught me off guard, I thought it would take you some time to pay off your debt." She laughed softly as she put the caps away. She then looked at Adam's face. "Hey… are you okay?" She said with a softer, more worried tone now. Adam was almost getting sick of hearing this. Why did people have to keep bothering him?
"Yeah… I'm fine… just tired." He said as he turned a bit to avoid her gaze. Offering her the same lie he had used thrice before. She seemed to scrutinize him for a few moments longer before she nodded.
"Alright, well It was a pleasure doing business with you. I hope to see you again soon." She said pointedly, sensing something was wrong, but like her peers before her did not press.
"Thanks…" Adam said softly as he turned around to leave without another word, leaving her there, watching Adam walk out slowly.
Adam headed straight over to the Layover. It was more convenient since it was closer to the mall and the food court than Delta was, however more than that he was simply not thinking about anything but sleep at the moment.
The exchange with the front desk was simple, clean, and efficient, as always. Adam got a room for 2 nights, as per usual. And then went straight to his room. He took off his gear and, without showering or even taking off his vault suit or anything, he laid down in bed and went to sleep.
Adam woke up the next day, his stomach hurt, he was hungry, but he didn't feel hungry. No, more than that he didn't feel like doing anything. He just laid there in the bed after waking up, wishing he was still asleep.
He remained there for hours. Simply laying in his bed staring at the ceiling, unsure how to even feel. He reached for his Pip-Boy and turned on the radio, tuning it to Ray's radio station. The music helped, but it didn't change the situation.
He was a clone. A facsimile. A lie. He was not a real person, he was just a lump of cells grown in a vat. He did not have a mother. His mother was a biochamber. He did not have a father. His father was the original Adam. He never served in the military, he never worked at Second Life, he never reprogrammed Buddy, he never won that little league game when he was a kid, he never even played baseball, he never earned his distinctions, he never… lived before he awoke in that vault. He was… nobody.
That was what hurt him most. There was stolen valor, there was the lack of having family, but it was the lack of identity, the lack of having a history, the lack of a reality beyond the short time he has been alive. He has never really lived until recently. And that thought scared him. All he had was the memories of a long dead man.
Who was he? He wasn't Adam. He wasn't a Baxter… would his- the other guy's mother even recognize him? He was just so confused, so unsure of himself.
So he just laid there in bed, unmoving, listening to the sound of the energetic DJ rattling off stories, playing music, and giving advice for anything from wasteland survival to gun maintenance. In his quiet little room, that was feeling more like a jail cell, self imposed as it was, Silver Ray Johnson was his only companion. As much as he didn't want to talk to anyone right now, it was nice to have someone to talk to him. It made him feel less alone. Which was how he was feeling right now. Alone. More alone than he had ever felt in his entire life. So very, desperately, alone.