Noon, in the kitchen of the newly built residence.
According to the recollections of those present—Cú Chulainn, Illya, Ritsuka, and even Artoria—it was an utterly harrowing experience.
A certain man—no, a certain short-tempered shota—was wielding his knife in the kitchen like a demon, his methods so brutal and his words so scathing that it defied ordinary imagination.
Even after retreating to their rooms and shutting the doors, the sound of his furious yelling from the kitchen could still be heard:
"Are you all serious right now?!"
So enraged that his spiritual attire materialized, Sakatsuki—cloaked in red like some nagging mother—glared darkly at Illya and unleashed his fury:
"How did you manage to make your dish even blacker than your brother’s?!"
Turning his attention, he picked up a certain Kuro’s creation with his chopsticks. But no matter how hard he tried, the dish refused to break apart, causing a vein to throb on his forehead.
"This thing is so damn hard, Mash could probably use it to rebuild Camelot’s walls!"
At this point, Sakatsuki gave up on critiquing each dish individually and just started firing off insults:
"The only thing properly cooked and not burnt today is that goddamn tuna sushi!"
"And Ritsuka, you were supposed to be cooking rice, not making ochazuke!"
"Is this your pancake, Diarmuid? I thought it was my projected Rho Aias!"
"You’re asking why your dish tastes bad? Enkidu could step on it and trigger a special attack—what does that tell you?!"
"Master, what on earth is going on here?"
Artoria, who had just entered, immediately ducked under the dining table upon seeing Sakatsuki’s outburst and whispered to Ritsuka and the others crouched beside her.
"Ah, well..." Ritsuka scratched her head, forcing an awkward yet polite smile. "Since Sakatsuki got turned into a kid, all the Servants got curious. So while he was busy cooking, they all insisted on helping..."
The problem was, aside from Tamamo-no-Mae and Kiyohime—model housewives—and Miyu, who had been raised with proper culinary knowledge, what did a bunch of battle-hardened Heroic Spirits know about cooking?
Naturally, their "help" only made things worse, and Sakatsuki’s rage meter skyrocketed until it finally exploded like a powder keg, unleashing indiscriminate verbal annihilation upon the freeloaders present.
"Waaah, I’m useless..."
Mid-conversation, Illya—with a QAQ expression—burst into tears and threw herself into Ritsuka’s arms, sobbing uncontrollably. "Onii-chan said I used too much oil and asked if I was trying to cook Gilgamesh’s armor... Who even is this ’Gilgamesh’ jerk anyway?!"
Before Ritsuka could console her, Sakatsuki’s Berserker-like roar echoed through the tiny kitchen once more:
"WHERE THE HELL DID MY ENTIRE TABLE OF FOOD JUST GO?!"
"Eh? Wait, that’s weird..." Cú Chulainn, who had been tasked with guarding the table to prevent food theft, froze. He couldn’t believe that, just because he got distracted laughing at Sasaki’s misfortune, several plates of perfectly good food had vanished from the table!
Seeing Sakatsuki roll up his sleeves and storm toward him, the Hound of Culann panicked:
"Uh, Sakatsuki? Big bro Sakatsuki, let me explain—"
Sakatsuki leaped onto the table and slapped two thick slices of bread against Cú Chulainn’s face:
"Tell me, what are you?!"
For some reason, Cú Chulainn understood the insult perfectly. Sweating bullets, he averted his gaze and muttered in despair:
"I am... an idiot sandwich."
"Pfft." A giggle came from under the table, where a certain ahoge king was hiding. Ritsuka turned her head just in time to spot a grain of rice stuck to the corner of her mouth.
"Uh... Miss Artoria, how long have you been here?"
"Hmm, just a little while? A few minutes, maybe?" Due to the punishment, Artoria was being unusually honest.
A few minutes? Enough to finish four or five plates of food?
Ritsuka broke into a cold sweat. Meanwhile, the now-smaller Sakatsuki, unfazed by trivialities, snapped angrily:
"Hey, whether you’re Artoria or Mordred, tell me—was it you who stole the food?"
[Punishment Rule: Contestants must speak only the truth and must answer when questioned.]
How underhanded! Using this method to force me out!
The ahoge under the table jolted in alarm, quickly covering her mouth as she tried to flee the kitchen. But the moment she stood up, her lips moved against her will:
"It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it! I just saw food on the table and—ow ow ow ow ow!"
Amidst her pained cries, Sakatsuki mercilessly pinched Artoria’s delicate cheeks, showing no regard for her beauty, and unceremoniously tossed the glutton out of the kitchen before slamming the door shut.
"From now on, no British Servants—or dogs—allowed inside!"
He really just banned the entire British Servant faction... Ritsuka, still playing dead on the floor, peeked up at Sakatsuki, who stood with hands on hips, his face a picture of irritation. She couldn’t help but find it all incredibly amusing.
Compared to the aloof, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing Sakatsuki, this fiery little boy had his own unique charm.
"Are you all conspiring to mess with me?!"
His furious voice echoed through the courtyard. Perhaps a certain little red dragon could have soothed his ruffled feathers—but alas, she was too busy secretly enjoying the show to step in and stop the chaos.
Ahem. In any case, due to various reasons, today’s lunch was delayed by about two hours. During that time, how many Servants tasted the "carefully" prepared dishes—whether their own or others’—and triggered further commotion... Well, that’s another story for later.
After lunch, Sakatsuki, finally freed from the kitchen’s torment, tracked down Artoria, who had hidden herself somewhere on the island.
"Cliché as it may be, a heart-to-heart talk is essential for you, isn’t it?"
The woods stood along the winding stream, their dense canopies swaying gently in the breeze, casting emerald reflections upon the clear water—like a sea of green.
Though birdsong and the murmur of the stream filled the air, the scenery itself seemed frozen, a beautiful amber of azure and jade.
The golden-haired girl, now free of her armor, sat on a mossy rock in the stream, gazing blankly at the endless sky and drifting clouds.
When Sakatsuki followed the trail of magical energy and found her, the wind happened to lift the strands of hair by her temples, breathing life into the scene. The landscape shimmered in her saintly blue eyes, radiant and alive.
Silently, he approached and sat beside her.
"Sakatsuki?" Lost in her thoughts, Artoria only noticed him now, startled. "How did you find me?"
Due to the punishment, she and Mordred tacitly fled the camp after lunch, fearing that someone might pry and expose their little secret.
"Enjoying some alone time here, my king?" Sakatsuki didn’t answer the question but instead smiled, saying, "If you have any worries on your mind, feel free to share them with me—for example, your feelings toward Mordred?"
Since this wasn’t posed as a direct question, Artoria took a moment to think before shaking her head and answering:
Curling up and hugging her knees, the girl with the signature ahoge gazed into the distance. Though clad in a swimsuit, she wouldn’t feel cold, yet she appeared somewhat fragile. "Sir Mordred... Though she is nominally my child, I have always regarded her as a Knight of the Round Table. There is no familial bond between us."
"Separating public and private matters—that’s a commendable approach." Sakatsuki first praised her before continuing, "Indeed, you are flawless in public affairs, but what about in private?"
"Have you ever had a serious conversation with Mordred in private?"
Author Note: "Idiot sandwich" is a humorous meme, originating from Western cooking shows where a chef would place slices of bread on either side of a trainee’s face and ask, "What are you?" The answer would be "idiot sandwich."