Who exactly was Poseidon?
In the Greek world, she was the unrivaled queen of chaos, a "legendary donkey-dog hybrid" if there ever was one. And that wasn’t just about her behavior; her track record in battle wasn’t much better either.
Despite her impressive titles like "Ruler of the Seven Seas," "Earthshaker," and "Goddess of Storms," Poseidon was, frankly, known more for taking losses than handing them out.
Getting beaten up by Zeus? Sure. Even her nieces and nephews, Dionysus, Apollo, Athena — had all taken turns putting her in her place.
In fact, she sat at the same losers’ table as Ares, the infamous war junkie who always picked fights he couldn’t win. Together, they were the Greek pantheon’s most reliable punching bags.
Now, the divine authority of the sky in Eros’s hand might be faint, but it was enough to summon Zeus.
And if Zeus saw Poseidon shamelessly trying to seduce someone he had his eyes on?
A cold sweat dripped down Poseidon’s temple.
That would be a bloodbath.
But then a thought struck her, and Poseidon relaxed, letting out a loud, cackling laugh.
"Hah! You almost had me there!"
"So it’s you, huh? But in that case... you do understand what kind of situation you’re in, right?"
Her self-assured smile returned as she took another step toward Eros.
"You’re trying to summon Zeus with the sky’s authority, but don’t forget it’s shared with Hera. You won’t actually do it."
Hera and Zeus both held dominion over the skies. If Eros tried calling for help, who answered first was anyone’s guess.
"So why not be smart and come with me instead? I promise I can shield you from Hera’s wrath."
Eros sidestepped her outstretched hand and let out a long sigh.
"Then I guess we’ve got nothing more to talk about. Alright then, O mighty King of the Gods, Father of-"
"Wait, wait! Hold on!"
Poseidon quickly grabbed Eros’s raised hand in a panic.
"Don’t you fear Hera even a little?!"
Eros yanked his hand away in disgust and took a step back.
"Afraid of what? Let’s gamble then. See whether Hera punishes me or Zeus turns you into sea foam."
Holding back only made him angrier. Giving in only brought heartache.
He’d faced Hera head-on before. What was there to be scared of? Worst case, he’d get cursed again.
If that meant Poseidon got her ass beat, it was totally worth it.
And if he counted that satisfying punch he’d landed earlier, he’d say he came out ahead.
He’d slapped Poseidon across the face and lived to tell the tale, and she didn’t even fight back.
Name one other mortal or demigod in Greek mythology who’d done that.
Sure, Hera might toss a curse his way, but she wouldn’t show up herself.
Poseidon’s eye twitched. Her lips curled involuntarily. Was he really this petty? Willing to drag them both down just to avoid coming with her?
She took a deep breath, then stepped back, signaling her surrender.
Eros wasn’t giving in, so she would.
As much as she liked this beautiful boy, she could always take her time with him. No need to blow everything up here.
"See? Wouldn’t it have been easier to cooperate from the start? Now everyone’s embarrassed."
Eros finally lowered his hand, looking smug. The clouds overhead began to part.
With just a few words, he’d tamed one of the most perverted, overconfident goddesses in all of Greece.
Don’t call it bluffing.
Call it strategic use of divine connections.
If Poseidon couldn’t control herself at the mere sight of him, who was to blame?
If she’d just stuck to her original plan of kidnapping a random sea queen, not even Zeus could have stopped her.
Now though, not only had she failed to nab herself a Sea Queen, she’d struck out with Eros too.
Turning away, Eros noticed Amphitrite standing quietly, her small hands pressed to her chest, gazing at him.
So, this was the goddess who had nearly become Poseidon’s Sea Queen.
Did that mean he’d saved her?
Just in case, he figured it’d be best to keep her close. No way was he letting Poseidon worm her way back in.
As for the others, he’d deal with them one by one.
"Hey, human!" Poseidon suddenly called out, mounting her sea horse and preparing to leave. "There’s just one more thing I’m curious about."
"If I swore on the River Styx that I’d fulfill every word I said earlier, would you reconsider?"
"Sorry," Eros replied without hesitation. "As a man, I’ve got zero interest in being a queen, whether it’s for the sea or the heavens."
He had no intention of becoming anyone’s consort, especially not for some manipulative cross-dressing trickster.
But that did bring up one thing he’d been wondering...
"By the way, why do you look ?"
He gestured vaguely at Poseidon’s current form, tentacle hair and all. What was up with that?
Zeus and Apollo at least had clear motives. But what was Poseidon playing at?
"Huh? What do you mean, ’look ’?"
Poseidon blinked at him, then glanced at her floating, whip-like hair. Understanding dawned on her.
"Oh, this? It’s convenient and stylish. What other reason would there be?"
Eros’s brain short-circuited, flashing with disturbing images.
No wonder Poseidon liked turning her lovers into monsters. She wasn’t just doing the playing, she wanted to be played with too.
She was totally deranged.
This was officially outside his capacity to tolerate.
Oblivious to his mental meltdown, Poseidon asked one last question.
"Am I not good-looking enough? Why are you so resistant?"
"Because I’m not interested in pegging people, thank you very much."
Eros refused once again with sincere conviction. Even if he wasn’t going to be the one getting pegged, the idea of doing the pegging wasn’t any better.
Sure, Poseidon was hot. But underneath that exterior?
His cosmic libido went limp just thinking about it.
"Something more normal, huh?" Poseidon muttered, stroking her writhing hair thoughtfully.
The other goddesses, having overheard Eros’s words, instinctively glanced at their own bodies.
Perseis flicked her burning hair.
Amphitrite cautiously checked her reflection in the swirling waters.
Besides a few small patches of scales, she probably looked the most human of them all.
Well, except for Sister Styx — her appearance was perfectly ordinary.
None of them realized that Eros’s comment had been wildly misinterpreted.
He had only meant one thing.
He did not want to top Poseidon, that twisted little sea monster.
"Well, looks like my little sister has great taste as always. You really know how to pick the rare ones."
Poseidon grumbled under her breath, then released the barrier of water she’d erected, departing with her entourage.
But just before she vanished from view, she turned her head with a wicked smile.
"Eros, I’ll let everything that happened today slide, except that punch."
Her fingers grazed the spot on her face he had struck.
"I’ll remember it for a long, long time."
"Don’t worry. One day, I’ll return the favor."
"Until then, try not to die too soon."
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