Chapter 64 – Wrong Letter
Text rendered in glowing script.
To: Celestial.Office @heavenlight.admin
From: lux.vaelthorn @vaultnexus.infernal
Subject: A Little Clarification
Rawr~ Dearest Cloud-Dwellers,
First of all—ugh~ you really know how to pamper a devil, don’t you? That naughty little reply, the apology bundle, and that ridiculously soft soul-soothing words? Mmh, I may or may not have moaned a little slipping into it. You sly seraphs.
But now you’ve got me curious, sweethearts. If that was just the apology... What would the thank-you package feel like? Dare I ask what you send if I start behaving worse?
Anyway~ let’s not get too distracted (not that I mind, I do love attention). I do have some burning questions fluttering around my lovely little corrupted heart. Just a few things I know you’d love to clear up for your favorite greedy incubus, right?
[.....]
’...wait. Wait. Wait.’
Lux narrowed his eyes, blinking at the glowing script as it scrolled like demonic poetry laced in glitter.
’That’s so wrong. Why do I suddenly sound like a horny devil sending love letters to Heaven?’
[Tentacles clinging to you. Your Incubus Pheromones have increased by 100%.]
[Emotional aura: Flustered + Lustful. Do you require suppression protocol?]
Lux groaned in his head. ’Okay, I get it. I’ll deal with the clingy heiress tentacles later—just write the email in my usual tone.You know. Passive-aggressive. Cold smile with backhanded compliments. Professional menace mode.’
[Adjusting tone: Passive-Aggressive Protocol Activated. Restarting Draft...]
To: Celestial.Office @heavenlight.admin
From: lux.vaelthorn @vaultnexus.infernal
Subject: Clarification Required Regarding Artifact Side Effects (And the Part Where I Almost Died, Again)
Dear Esteemed Cloud-Dwellers,
Thank you for your prompt response, apology package, and complimentary. I’m particularly looking forward to not bleeding internally anymore. However, a few things still concern me:
o Who exactly are these "unsanctioned angels" targeting me?
o Do they come with name tags? Power levels? A "Hi, I’m Here to Kill You" badge?
o Because the last batch that dropped in? They were not interns.
Your note about the artifact drawing "unwanted attention" was appreciated, though I feel the phrasing could have been slightly more specific. Perhaps something like: "Congratulations on eating forbidden celestial fruit. Please expect murder attempts by your next breakfast."
Also, while I acknowledge Clause 7.3, it would have been helpful if you’d bolded the part about inter-realm tracking spikes. In red. Maybe flashing.
Please advise on updated protocols.
And send a list of angels who have "existing grievances" with me.
It’s a long list, I know. I’d like to know who made the cut.
Sincerely (and extremely irritated),
Lux Vaelthorn
Chief Financial Overlord of Hell
Department of Infernal Finance & Interrealm Asset Management
Vault Nexus Prime, Sector 7 – Lower Infernal District, adjacent to the Lake of Tax Auditors
Lux nodded to himself. ’That’ll do. Now send it—’
[Interrupting again, sir. Alert escalation: Horny Heiress Beside You. Tentacle contact has reached groin proximity.]
Lux paused. Finally shifted his eyes down.
Oh.
Oh no.
Yeah, there it was.
One tentacle was now boldly slipping under his coat.
Another was creeping up his thigh.
A third?
Yeah. It was trying to figure out the zipper situation.
’Seriously?’
[Would you prefer I provide tactical assistance or simply keep announcing warnings?]
’Just finish the damn email!’
[Sending with passive-aggressive tone level: MAXIMUM. Now redirecting attention to your rapidly spiraling physical situation.]
Lux exhaled—out loud this time. Closed his eyes. Counted to five.
And when he opened them, he finally turned.
Rava looked like she wanted to cry and kiss him at the same time. Her bouquet was now crumpled in her lap. One hand fisted tightly around a lily stem. Her mouth slightly open like she was about to speak—then changed her mind again.
Her tentacles?
Still exploring him like he was both a battlefield and a dessert menu. One wrapped lightly around his collarbone, another had the audacity to slither down his abs like it was picking toppings for a sundae.
He raised an eyebrow.
"Miss Bluewave."
She looked at him, realizing her tentacles.
And froze.
The color drained from her face. Then came flooding back in a brilliant, mortified crimson.
"...I’m sorry," she whispered, in a voice so small it sounded like it was trying to shrink into a dimension where this moment never happened.
Her tentacles jerked back all at once, flailing slightly before coiling behind her like guilty snakes. She grabbed one with both hands, stared at it like it had personally ruined her credit score, then glared at the rest like they were a gang of traitors who’d sold her soul to embarrassment.
Lux didn’t move. Not a muscle.
Just watched her.
[Sir. I highly recommend mutual physical bonding. Your arousal index has peaked.]
Lux hadn’t answer yet, but the system chimed again.
[But according to my analysis. Your current priorities are survival, celestial diplomacy, and preserving mortal realm reputation.]
Then it chimed again.
[But she is practically wrapping you in a live-action cuddle contract. Consent with benefits.]
Lux sighed. Yeah, he built his own system based on his two sins. Greed and Lust. And now... the algorithm of both sins had a beef due the contradiction priorities.
One made him think with his brain, one made him think with his nuts.
The car was still moving. Still ten blocks from the Sovereign Grand.
If they were in the Underworld, he’d already have her half-naked by now. Probably on a lava-forged table, biting his shoulder and saying things like "harder, my king."
But this was Earth.
People wore pants. There were laws. Social media.
So, he leaned closer and asked, voice low and deliberate:
"...Do you want to drop by my suite?"
Rava’s eyes widened. She blinked. Her tentacles froze mid-crotch like guilty noodles.
"...What?" she breathed.
He tilted his head. "No pressure. No assumptions. Just a place to talk. Quiet. Private."
Beat. Her lips parted again.
He added, voice warmer now—darker, coaxing.
"And maybe... let those tentacles of yours stretch a little without judging eyes around."
Rava made a sound halfway between a squeak and a moan.
And yeah—he was absolutely enjoying this.
She clutched the bouquet tighter. "I... I didn’t mean to—"
"I know," Lux said, reaching out and gently brushing one of the tentacles still curled around his wrist. "But I’m not complaining. I told you already—they’re cute."
She melted.
Absolutely melted.
The tentacles coiled tighter.
And this time?
He let them.