"Pretty much got it..."
Cohen instantly understood the Silver Key's purpose. The villains, if they could disgust Cohen, would consider it a success...
These two petty thieves weren't the main force trying to disgust Cohen; they were just bait. The real annoyance for Cohen would be the subsequent inspections and public opinion.
"We can give you seventy percent!" B, who hadn't had his mind read, clearly hadn't figured out the current situation. The way the lion was drooling all over the floor was really terrifying – especially since it was looking in the direction of the tied-up B. "We can give you seventy percent of the money we earn in the future! Carson, right?"
The one called Carson, A, couldn't say a word. He had just felt his memories being flipped through by some mysterious force – anyone with a normal brain would think their memories had been looked at by Cohen's "Legilimens"...
The person who gave them the tip that "Number Five Privet Drive was rich and easy to rob" was suspicious... They had been used as pawns.
"Even at a time , you're still talking about a 70/30 split?" Cohen shook his head. "You guys..."
"Eighty, eighty percent is fine too!" B immediately changed his tune, but Cohen had already turned around to leave and wasn't planning on untying them. "Ninety then? Don't go – it's all yours! All the money we earn later can be yours too—"
"What's all that gibberish? Thessalhydra, these two are yours, do whatever you want."
Cohen yawned, tossing these two child-snatching outlaws to the Basilisk and the Chimera.
"Mick, remember to eat them while they're fresh, the soul disappears after they die..."
But Mick didn't seem to have much appetite – it had been a long, long time since it had tasted souls and happiness.
Thessalhydra hissed as he approached the two thieves, opening his mouth wide to reveal sharp fangs.
The baby Basilisk also tried to look fierce along with Thessalhydra—
The B that the baby Basilisk wanted to bite had his head bitten off first by the cheerful lion.
Cohen left the chest and climbed back into bed to continue sleeping.
The Silver Key could only come up with such trashy methods – Cohen felt like they weren't villains, but rather like they were here for comedic relief.
If nothing went wrong, when Cohen woke up in the morning, there would first be a batch of Muggle police at his house, followed by a batch of Ministry of Magic investigators.
Early morning on Christmas Day.
"Okay, okay, nothing much here, feels like another malicious report..."
The Muggle police officer in uniform nodded and said goodbye to the bewildered Norton family.
"Why would the police come to our house so early in the morning?" Martha asked Edward, confused.
"How would I know..." Edward shrugged. "He said someone reported that we were holding people captive and there was a murder – but we haven't lost anyone in our family."
"Yeah, yeah," Cohen chimed in.
"Who would report our family?" Rose frowned. "And from the Muggle side—"
The fireplace in the living room suddenly burst into a green flame as tall as a person, and a disheveled man who was very close to Edward walked in, looking sleepy.
"Ha, Merry Christmas."
Arnold looked like he hadn't fully woken up yet.
"Got a report that there was a Muggle conflict here – was Edward kidnapped by Muggles?"
"Are you blind?" Edward said through gritted teeth. "I'm perfectly fine – why does everyone have to come search my house today?"
"Don't know, but the report about you made me have to come out on Christmas – my wife threw a huge fit, saying I might as well go work at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office..." Arnold tapped and knocked on the air in the house with his wand, muttering something under his breath, like some kind of detection charm.
But apart from some common traces of everyday magic, nothing else remained here.
Cohen doesn't use magic to kill people.
Not only not magic, but not even in this dimension.
"Did you guys piss off some bored people?" Arnold noted the detection results and asked Edward. "The Ministry got two notifications, one through the Ministry's reporting system, and the other through the Muggle channels forwarded to the Ministry's Muggle Liaison Office – and they specifically chose Christmas Day."
"It can't be some competitor from the newspaper..." Rose said somewhat helplessly.
"It can't be those kids from the Hellfire Club..." Edward said jokingly.
It can't be me, right...
Cohen really wanted to say that.
But saying it out loud would be a bit foolish.
Even if Arnold had no idea about Cohen's identity and was best friends with Edward, Cohen couldn't just blurt it out like that.
"Does the Ministry know who reported it?" Edward asked.
"Even if they did, they couldn't say. The reporter's identity is confidential – you have to submit an application if you need to protect your rights," Arnold said. "Do you want me to help investigate? I can ask the mail clerk – she's a friend of my wife's..."
"Then thank you very much," Edward said, his expression not very pleasant. "I really want to know who's so bored – it's only six forty now, and my good Christmas mood is almost gone."
After seeing Arnold off, the Norton family was wide awake – those malicious reporters had at least successfully ruined the Christmas mood this year.
However, after waking up, Edward seemed to suddenly think of something and secretly slipped into Cohen's bedroom.
"What's wrong?" Cohen, who was flipping through the family phone book at his desk, turned his head to ask Edward, who had knocked and entered the room.
Edward had written down the names and addresses of most of the wizarding world contacts in a Muggle phone book. Cohen wanted to find the Crouch family's address in it – so he could go to the Crouch's house in the next few days of the holiday and drag out Barty Jr.
"About those people who came to investigate today..." Edward sat on Cohen's bed and asked somewhat uncertainly, "Did you have any conflicts with any vengeful classmates at school?"
"Conflicts? How could I have conflicts with classmates..." Cohen said.
"That's good..." Edward breathed a sigh of relief. "How did you sleep last night?"
"I didn't secretly get up in the middle of the night to randomly grab a few Muggles, run to the street and shout, 'Hehehe, I'm the freaking Dark Lord, I'm going to rule the wizarding world!' and then just stand there dumbly to be discovered and reported twice."
Cohen saw through what Edward wanted to ask at a glance.
"I stayed in my room the whole night—"
"No need to be so..." Edward frowned, feeling like something was a little off with Cohen. "Cohen?"
"Anything else?" Cohen found the Crouch family's address and asked without looking up.
"Aren't you happy about Christmas?" Edward asked. "Want to go downstairs and get some pudding?"
"Good idea," Cohen said.
"Is there any for me?" Earl suddenly asked from his cage.
"Come down if you want some," Edward waved at Earl. "Your little dish is always in the living room, and there's also that new owl Cohen bought yesterday – have you guys named it yet?"