Chapter 37: Mission: Fake It Till You Break It (or Get Banished)
---
We were so not ready for this.
After the king’s intimate demand, Elira and I were marched back to her chambers. Everyone else was given individual rooms—lush, spacious, and pointedly not the Princess’s bed.
Akane looked like she wanted to vaporize me. Rin pretended she didn’t care by stabbing a pillow repeatedly. Mei was sharpening something for no reason. And Ayame? She just smiled... the kind of smile that said, I’ll definitely be peeking tonight.
But none of that compared to my panic.
Because the second we got back inside, Elira pulled me down beside her and whispered:
"He’s watching."
"What—who?" I blinked.
She tilted her head slightly. "Top right corner. There’s a shadow in the lattice. Probably a court spy."
"Oh. Great. So we’re expected to—"
I didn’t finish that sentence.
Because she grabbed my face and kissed me.
Passionately.
And look—I’ve been kissed before. Once. Maybe twice. And none of them involved a royal audience.
But Elira? She kissed like she meant it. Like she was daring me to hold back.
So I didn’t.
I kissed her back—deep, slow, intentional.
Which is how I knew the exact moment the door creaked.
Akane’s foot was sticking out.
Then it vanished.
---
📣 SYSTEM NOTIFICATION
[Balance Breach Detected]
⚠️ Affection Equilibrium has been disrupted.
Your passionate interaction with [Elira] has offset the emotional stability within the harem.
⚖️ Balance Status: Compromised
💔 Emotional Sync: Broken
🔁 Affection Flow: One-sided
> Members are now experiencing increased jealousy, possessiveness, and emotional volatility.
🛠 Recommendation: Redistribute affection.
Engage remaining members with equal or greater intimacy to restore harmony.
Failure to respond may result in:
Trust decay
Loyalty penalties
Spontaneous pillow attacks
> "Maintain the balance, or be devoured by it." – Harem Management Protocol, 4.7
---
I blinked at the glowing message in my head.
"...You’ve got to be kidding me," I muttered under my breath. "I kiss one princess and now it’s emotional apocalypse?"
I glanced toward the door, already sensing the jealous aura radiating from the hallway.
"Great. Now I need to romance four ticking time bombs before breakfast."
---
"...We just destabilized the whole house," I muttered when we finally pulled apart.
Elira was breathless, a flush on her cheeks. "Good. Let them sweat."
"I’m the one sweating."
She giggled. "We’re not done. At least three more spies will pass by tonight."
And that’s how I found myself lying on a royal bed, with Elira curled around me like we were actually in love, whispering things like:
"Oh, Ren~ your hands are so—firm~"
And me, whispering back, "Yours too... your... uh... royal elbow is just... wow."
We were so bad at this.
So we improvised.
Every time a footstep passed, we moaned. Loudly. Passionately. Ridiculously.
"Ahhh—yesss—like that—right there—"
"...I’m just tucking in the blanket."
"Shh! He might be listening!"
"Okay, okay."
"Ahh—Elira—your Majesty, you’re so—regal—"
We did this five times.
And every single time, one of the girls was conveniently "walking to the kitchen" or "getting a midnight breeze" or "accidentally tripping near the door."
At some point, Akane hissed through the wall, "Fake it better or I’ll come help!"
Rin: "He never kissed me like that."
Ayame: "He never kissed me at all."
Mei: "I’ll just kill him and keep the body."
Me: "I can hear you, you know!"
By morning, I was emotionally drained and had performed enough dramatic gasps to qualify as a theatre major.
Just as I started to doze off, a knock came.
A guard.
"The King summons you two again. He wishes to know if... the bonding has been successfully confirmed."
Elira gave me a look. "Round two?"
"Please tell me he means spiritually."
She just smiled.
I was doomed.
---
The throne room was unusually quiet.
No jesters. No murmuring nobles. Just the king on his golden throne, fingers steepled, eyes sharp enough to peel skin.
I felt Elira’s hand slip into mine. Not for show this time. For support. That scared me more than the king.
He studied us for a long moment, then finally spoke. "So. Have you bonded? Truly?"
There it was again. That word. Bonded. As if it were something we could just check off a list.
Elira stepped forward, her voice calm and regal. "Father, we’ve taken the first steps. But there is something more pressing I must ask of you."
His eyes narrowed. "Go on."
She didn’t falter. "Ren is human. His body, while adapting, still suffers from the residual effects of his world-hopping. The longer he stays here without recalibration, the worse it will get. He hides it well, but I see it."
My brows rose slightly. I do? I didn’t, but I appreciated the concern... and the clever excuse.
She continued, "If you truly wish to test our bond and ensure his worthiness—then allow us to return to the human realm for a time. Let him heal in his own world. With me by his side."
There was a beat of silence.
Then the king leaned back slowly, nodding once. "You care for him."
"I do," she said simply.
"And you would risk your place here—your future—for his well-being?"
Elira didn’t hesitate. "Gladly."
He turned his gaze on me, unreadable. "And you, human? Would you return with my daughter, knowing this realm may close its doors to you again?"
I met his gaze head-on. "If she’s walking through it, I’ll walk through fire behind her."
For a second, the king said nothing. Then...
"Very well."
Elira let out a breath beside me.
"You are granted permission to return to the human realm," he said. "But you leave with my trust. Break it, and you will not return—even in pieces."
"Understood," Elira said with a bow.
I bowed too, only slightly delayed because holy crap did that just work?
Now we just had to survive Earth... again.
---