The name of the prison I am currently in is called Buttholian Seclusiam Prison—A prison so tight even the walls clench. That’s the tagline of the prison. Thɪs chapter is updatᴇd by NoveI[F]ire.net
One look and you know you are cooked.
This prison has ten levels and I am in the last level—the tenth one. Same level as a kid in nursery who woke up to drink water one night and saw how his parents created him.
This level stores the most heinous criminals and for some reason, Supreme Man sent me here. The system says Supreme Man chose this level for me at random but I have doubts. All my crimes are incomplete as they are only in my head. But are they heinous? Bold Yes.
Anyway, this tenth level has the maximum security as Malthus had re-inaugurated this prison—like my best had re-inaugurated an old age home for his parents—and sent his soldiers here as guards.
Each level has hundred cells and in each cell only one prisoner lives.
But the Supreme Man sent me to a cell where a prisoner already was—Jack Mihoff.
He died in this cell and now I am sharing this cell with his ghost. Like a man who divorced his wife because she was ugly without makeup but then got married to her sister.
What I mean is, after nearly dying by Malthus, I found myself with a ghost. So nothing good happened to me except for escaping death.
Moreover, the system had unlocked a new feature. No, it’s not AI video generation with voiceovers. But now, It can assign me quests, give XP and Skills.
And the first quest it gave me was to escape from this prison.
The deadline for this quest is 2 days. It’s very less just like my sperm count after hitting the 6 times threshold. That’s why I started thinking about completing the quest right away.
For that, I sent Jack, a ghost, to do some research about the placements of the guards, their shifts, their mood, their fetishes, their measurements... of uniforms, if they had any.
Jack was a ghost so I thought it should be safe to send him as a spy. Ghosts aren’t visible after all.
I smacked my head at the rods. From the corner of my eyes, I saw an afraid ghost running towards me.
"Hey, pal! Guess what? They can see me."
Jack passed through the rods of the cell and hurriedly stood behind me.
I glanced at him. "Are you hiding right now?"
"Hiding? Me? As if. I am just making sure those guards can’t see me."
"That’s what hiding means."
"Okay. Fine! I am hiding. Those guards are scary, alright. Some have three eyes, some have two tongues, and some don’t even have a face. And I saw one of them chewing a metal rod like it’s a chocolate bar while the other guard was chewing the same rod from the other side!"
"... Alright. I am going to hide too."
I moved and stood behind Jack. I ain’t having those death metal fans soldiers. I also used to do death metal but the last time I did a death metal concert, I was beaten, thrown out of the venue and arrested. It was after two days I got to know that beating someone to death with metal isn’t a music genre.
Anyway, as I stood behind Jack, he looked over his shoulder.
"Pal, don’t mind, but," He said. "That’s the worst place you can hide in! I am a ghost! Their attacks will pass through me and land on you. And I am see-through. So you are not even hidden."
"Shit. You are right. I have to go somewhere else."
I roamed my eyes inside the cell like a hamster on cocaine and found only one place to hide.
I jumped on the first corner I saw but instead of the hard wall, I felt something soft on my back. Sophia Leone? No. She can’t be here. Why do I always remember her and my private part whenever I feel something soft?
But apart from feeling something soft, my nostrils also burned like a car burns after an accident driven by a woman and my ears buzzed like the constant broken siren of an ambulance that met with an accident because it was also being driven by a woman.
But why the hell did all this was happening? Where did I get myself into?
I wanted answers and just then, Jack looked at me and he smiled?
"Didn’t know you were that eager to grind on my dead body, pal."
I jolted so hard I would have mistaken I had nitros in place of my buttocks. I left the corner as fast as a woman leaves with her boyfriend after her old millionaire husband dies.
I jerked my whole body—like a stray dog after falling in the sewer—to remove the bacterias of Jack’s body and went on to hide in another dark corner.
"I was ignoring him but then he removed his pants in front of me. I will kill him!"
The guards had arrived.
They all stood in front of my cell and Jack was also there, looking left and right.
And after hearing the guards, I slowly moved my head to the ghost.
"So they are chasing you because you removed your pants? Otherwise they were just minding their business?"
"I sent you there to spy, dude. Not to reveal your location yourself!"
"I just can’t stand being ignored, alright. They were acting like I am some ghost!"
The guards had spears on their hands and some had swords and one of them had a metal rod in his mouth.
But then, another thought hit me and I jerked my head at Jack.
"How can they see you? You are a ghost. Ghost shouldn’t be visible."
Jack stayed silent for a while but in the end, shrugged. "Then I guess, I broke the rule. I was a rebel from the start."
"... You are so lucky you are dead. Otherwise, I would have custom requested the system to give me a quest for killing you. With no rewards in return."
"Come on, pal. I am not that bad. It’s not my fault they could see me. And death is just a scam created by coffin companies to sell more coffins."
"What the hell are you talking about? Do you have hemorrhoids in your mouth?"
"No. But I have them in my as—"
"Who are you talking to, ghost?"
"Yeah. I can see no one."
"Is it another ghost? Did you bring over your friends here for a night out?"
Jack was cut-off—fortunately—as the guards asked some questions.
And at that, Jack raised his brows. "You can’t see him?"
"What kind of guards are you? You can see a ghost but not an alive man!?"
"There is an alive man with you? One cell only allows one prisoner. It’s impossible for another man to be here."
"Yes. I am a ghost. He is lying. You don’t worry about it, guards. I will make sure he learns his lesson and not drop his pants anymore."
"What are you talking about, pal? Come out of the corner and show yourself. Are you an introvert?"
I clenched my jaw. ’You idiot, if they saw me they would recognise I am the Hero king and take me to Malthus and I would die. So just shut up and call me a ghost!’
"Oh yes, guards. He is a ghost. I forgot about it. Sorry for disturbing you, you can go and check on other prisoners. We will stay quiet now." Jack finally said something sensible to the guards and the guards nodded.
"Yeah. Stay quiet. And don’t ever come out of the cell and if you do, then don’t you dare drop your pants again."
Jack smiled. "I will keep it locked in my mind, guard. Just like the warnings I received from children’s parents. You can focus on other cells now."
"Nah. There is no need to focus on other cells. We just chill all day."
"Hmm? Why is that?" Jack asked and the guards revealed:
"Because all the other cells are empty. Only you two are at this level. This level is so empty you might think ghosts live here. Haha."