Jack didn’t had three boobs.
They were just metal bowls which he must have found lying around in the cell like a pornstar’s child finds a family album and with different fathers in each photo.
After uncovering this secret I threw the bowls away and closed the shirt of his dead body.
Then I stood up, standing just at the feet of the body.
Jack was beside me and we both stared at the dead body.
"Are you thinking what I am thinking, pal?" Jack asked.
"You crisscrossed the buttons of the shirt."
I jerked my head at him.
My brows twitched. "You were thinking about your buttons?"
I rolled my eyes. This ghost compensated for his IQ with the constant horniness. He is scary but for some whole other reason.
"Forget the buttons. We need water. How else will your body take a bath then?"
"Yes. Right. Water is important."
"There is no water here. The last time I saw it was when I followed a guard to the bathroom to check if he really was a man or not. And it turns out, he identifies himself as a Walmart bag."
"You know what Walmart is?"
"Nope. I made that name up." Official source is NoveI-Fire.ɴet
"... Right. That’s a good way to fill a plot hole before someone points it out."
And I came back to the topic again.
"So what about the water?"
Jack shrugged. "It’s been a hundred years since I last saw it. I don’t feel thirsty so I never really tried to look for it either."
I smacked my head on the wall.
"This is your body we are talking about. I am doing this for you. I will be carrying your dead body, I don’t want to touch something that reeks of bodily fluids. I need water. At least try to help me. At least act like you are helping me."
I yelled at the ghost and the latter gawked at me like he saw a female robot being sold for free.
I would have said sorry but Jack opened his mouth.
"You should have said so from the start, pal. I would help you."
"Of course. You are doing all this for me and it’s only natural I would help you too."
"No worries. You want water, right? Will this do?"
Jack moved his hands and they went to his pockets?
Will he bring water from his pockets? Can he store things in his pocket? I feel like I have heard this idea before.
However, Jack shoved his hand so deep inside his pocket, that his brown pants came off.
And I saw everything again.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"How is this helping me? You are doing the opposite. Heck, you are helping me to convince that I should suicide."
"You wanted water, right, pal? I’ll give you that." Jack said with full confidence and I gulped.
How would he summon water? Do ghosts have some special powers? I heard they are visible in the mirror. Wait... Do they jerk off looking in the mirror so that they could check if its size changed after the death or not?
Anyway, does Jack have one more Skill other than reading minds? Wait... Can he only read my mind or everyone’s? I should have asked this earlier.
I stared at Jack, and mostly his hands. They were the real threat.
He was beside me, his dead body was lying in front of us and staring at it, Jack moved his hands.
I paid close attention and when I saw where his hands were going towards, I banged my fist on the wall.
"Don’t slam the wall like that. I have a weak heart. I get scared easily."
"To hell with that. What were you trying to do just now?"
"Arrange water for you."
I clenched my fists. "Your body already stinks enough, what makes you think bathing it with your urine will help it in any way!?"
"I swear, you ar— Wear your pants first."
Jack sighed and wore his pants again.
He sighed as if I was the weird one. As if I am trying to lay my hands on him.
"How can you piss anyway?" I barked. "You haven’t seen water for a hundred years so how? Ghosts don’t need water to drink. So how would you have arranged the water even from your urine?"
Jack placed his hand on his lips. "... Damn. I forgot."
"Shut up. Just shut up. And at least wipe your hand before touching your lips. That’s an indirect blowjob."
I sat on the floor, my palms on my head.
Deep breaths became my savior again.
The deadline for the quest was near, I have no idea how my grandma is right now, Erect and Sexis must be waiting for me, Erect’s sister should know that both her brothers are alive. I want to leave this prison as fast as possible but the situation and this Jack weren’t helping me at all.
Nevertheless, fortune favors the brave. Just like gay men favour the straight.
To be honest, I just want to lie down and sleep but the face of my grandma won’t let me rest. Everytime I close my eyes, I see her moustache and my eyes shoot open. My body right now ached from everywhere as if I had just finished shooting for Blacked as the female lead. The dragging of the dead body took a toll on me. I have become as weak as a man who hit girls... with flowers.
I would save everyone.
The hero King shall rise again.
Malthus would die by my hands and I would restore this Moral to its original perverted glory.
I calmed myself down and slowly stood up.
Jack was silent as I told him to and now I had to think of a plan.
And to cook a plan, I need to know all the ingredients that I have.
That’s why I looked at Jack.
"Jack, tell me all the powers you have. Anything. All the skills. Tell me."
I asked, I asked with all the enthusiasm and in return, I got...
Jack whistled in the air, looking around the cell.
He placed his hand behind his head and loitered around as if he was in a school and selecting his target.
"What is wrong with you? What are you doing?" I asked but then, "Wait, are you perhaps... angry at me because I told you to shut up?"
Jack stopped whistling and... pouted?
"You are angry at me? Seriously? Like it was my fault? Like I was the stupid one? Like I am waiting for a chance to see you bending in front of me? And motherfucker we aren’t even friends! You just met me a few hours ago. We haven’t reached the pouting level yet!"
Jack pouted more, he jerked his head left and right, crossed his arms in front of his chest.
And in the end, I sighed.
The only person who could perhaps help me in this quest is Jack, making him angry wouldn’t help.
"Alright, listen up, Jack. I know you were just trying to help. I am sorry for shutting you up. Let’s be friends again."
I reached out a fist towards Jack.
Jack saw that and his pout vanished.
His lips found a smile.
"No worries, pal. I am sorry for making you angry too."
He stared at my fist and I gestured him with my eyes to do a fistbum.
"Oh." He said. "That’s cool."
Jack understood and then my fist...
Was inside his mouth.
"This is what you wanted me to do, right, pal?"
Yep. I am killing him.