The system said some weird shit.
I mean, I know what it said and I understood it too but as an MC I have to act like it. Fourth Wall isn’t a hymen of a girl starring in tentacle genre hentai to keep breaking like that.
[ Don’t talk about it anymore. I did enough bullshit. Get out of this prison now. And you are about to be delighted about something really soon. ]
’I hope it’s not something related to me being pregnant all of a sudden. Because I was asleep in a cell with Jack for three months.’
[ No. It’s nothing like that. The fact that you even think about that is already suspicious. ]
’Alright. Shut up now. I’ll look forward to the good news you are talking about.’
The system went silent and I focused on Johnson again, who was looking at me like he saw a fat woman stating that she is into fit men.
What was he looking at though? Wait- did he finally figure out my identity? Did he figure out that I am the Hero King? If that happened, I would have no choice but to sleep with him—kill him. I mean, kill him.
"Wh-what is it?" I asked, ready to throw Jack’s dead body at any time on the chief guard.
Johnson raised his finger towards me.
"You are.. you are.."
"You talked to yourself all this time!?"
My face lost all the tension like a man knowing that he was not the father.
"So? What about it?" I asked.
"You talked to yourself and you were making all kinds of expressions as if you were fighting with someone inside your head."
"Yes. What about it?"
"I am afraid of mental patients!"
"I am afraid of sick heads, motherfucker! You guys throw stones, you guys bite, you guys write shitty novels and then cry for not getting any readers, you guys put a rock on your ears and talk to it! You guys are nuts!"
"Alright. First, one of the traits you shared didn’t belong to mad people. They are simply called writers. And what you said tells me that you are afraid of fire and you are afraid of mad people. Now my question is, What are you? Phobia collector? Who the hell made you a chief guard?"
It made sense. It was like a king with only one working eye only appointing blind people as the members of his court house to appear superior. But all that wasn’t important right now.
"Forget about me, man. Tell me about the water. What happened in the bathroom?"
Johnson shivered. So they returned. Bro got traumatized just for water. I bet he would kill himself if he got reincarnated in Africa.
"In the bathroom of the solitary cell, I reached near it and opened the door of the bathroom. And then..."
Johnson rubbed his left hand on his right shoulder. He had the metal bucket in his right hand otherwise he would have cuddled to himself. ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ NoveI[F]ire.net
But I wanted to know too.
"Yes. And then what?"
Johnson looked at me.
"Just as I opened the bathroom’s door, a stench of hundred dead bodies greeted me."
"Dead bodies? Of prisoners?"
"No. Worse..." Johnson said.
"Whose dead bodies were there then?"
Johnson again looked in my eyes. The tension was thick like your mom’s thigh. Silence fucked the air and the guard finally said it.
"... Hundred dead bodies of ants were there?"
"And you smelled their stench?"
"How the fuck is that even possible? And why the hell are you shivering over ants? Were they wearing suits that can increase their size?"
"Those ants weren’t alone, human." Johnson said, seriousness dripping from his face like the female protagonist of an hentai after being creampied.
"Of course the ants weren’t alone. You told me there were hundreds of them! Dead." I barked.
"Yes. But ants weren’t the only thing that was dead there."
I leaned forward. "What else was there?"
Johnson shivered. "Hundreds of flies were there too!"
I punched the wall beside me.
"First the ants and now the flies? Why are you shivering over basic things? This is a prison, man. The bathroom won’t be filled with Odonils with lavender flavor. And what kind of childhood did you have to be afraid of these insects?"
"Everyone has their reasons, alright. Some are scared of lizards, some are scared of crickets, some are scared of women who say, don’t worry, babe, he is just my gym trainer.
I wanted to retort but Johnson said a fair point. I am also scared of some things. Like being physically vulnerable around Jack, like Sexis’ antennas trying to catch signals inside my pants at any time.
"Alright. Fine. I believe you. You were scared of ants and flies in the bathroom. Then what happened? How did you become ? Was there anything more ’sinister’ than flies and ants?"
I asked and I expected the chief guard to shiver once more but for a change, he didn’t. He stopped shivering and said:
"Other than the flies and ants, yes, there was one more thing but it wasn’t all that terrific."
"Oh. So you have some good memories too. Tell me." I asked and Johnson revealed it while cleaning his ear.
"There were five human skeletons lying around there."
I slammed my fist on the wall again.
Johnson frowned. "You really are mental."
"How dare you call me a mental case when you are out here normalising human skeletons found in bathrooms?!"
"It is normal though. Don’t you have some too?"
"No, I don’t. This is not what everyone have some skeletons in their closet means, dude!"
"Strange. You Humans are weird creatures."
Great. Humanity hit a new low. Someone who is scared of ants and flies called us weird.
"Alright. Fine. So after you saw the horrendous sight of a hundred dead ants and flies, and a normal—Thursday—sight of five human skeletons, what happened after that? Where did you got this fucking water from?"
I didn’t ask where the skeletons came from because, well, this is a prison, you would only find skeletons here, not Black Widow and Wanda Maximoff doing a lesbian scene for a non-cannon marvel storyline.
Therefore, I asked Johnson about the main thing and yep, his shiverings returned like a live action version of a hit manga involving balls.
"After I ignored the ants and flies, I went inside the bathroom, holding my breath and then I opened the only tap present there. And just when I opened it... it came out."
"What came out?" I asked, completely invested.
Johnson stared at me his wide eyes and with a gulp, he told me that from a simple tap came out:
"A Goblin with a guitar!"