They must have touched upon the little girl’s painful memories; they’ve gone too far, but this is the procedure, the necessary path.
They despised themselves while looking impassively at Bai Zhi, their faces never stern.
"I don’t know what it means to be treated well."
Bai Zhi’s voice was so soft, so low they nearly missed its sound.
"When I was little, my father never held me; in my memory, his gaze was always cold, sometimes terrifying like a snake’s eyes, instilling fear at a glance.
Back then, he would glare at me fiercely when no one was around, and as I got older?
My mother would go to school, and he made me cook, made me cut grass for the pigs.
Standing on a stool, I’ve cut my hand, scalded my face.
Going out to cut the grass, I’ve been chased by snakes, bitten by leeches, only to return home to his indifferent gaze.
I so desperately wanted, longed to be the best, I strived with all my might, just wishing he would hold me, just as he held my brothers."
Bai Zhi lifted her head, her eyes brimming with stirred emotions in that moment.
"I really, just wanted him to look at me."
The next second, the brightness in her eyes gradually dimmed,
And then it vanished altogether.
"I’ve tried so hard, tending the fields alone, cooking, sweeping, washing clothes by myself. I did everything for them.
I fed the pigs alone, worked the fields alone, but I was invisible in their eyes.
They said, I didn’t fit in.
My clothes were always soiled, but what could I wear climbing the mountain to work?
I didn’t have other clothes,
I envied Nan Xi, who possessed what I could never achieve no matter how hard I tried.
The love of a father and mother.
Each time my mother came back, they would chat together, work on schoolwork together.
Alone in the kitchen, I cooked, washed dishes, then washed clothes, and fed the pigs.
By the time I finished, they had already ended their day and gone to sleep.
It was like I was the invisible old maid of the house. No matter what I did, it went unnoticed, and they never asked if I was willing.
They criticized my poor academic performance, but I too wished to excel. Yet sleep was a luxury for me, from where could I find the time to study?
I too wished for a father’s embrace, a mother’s comfort.
That day, I just wanted a piece of candy. But they called me lazy for not harvesting fish mint, and still I dared to want candy.
Yet, I could’ve skipped chores and dug up the herb myself.
That was their promise, that if I washed their clothes, they would give me candy.
In the end, it was all lies."
Despair filled Bai Zhi’s eyes, her entire being embodying intense sorrow.
Engulfed by grief, she couldn’t find a way out.
"Sometimes, my feet ached terribly; I thought it was because of carrying pig grass since I had always been the one to cut it.
But that wasn’t the reason.
I was pushed down, right here, look, it even needed stitches."
Bai Zhi lifted her hair to reveal the long scar.
"It’s ugly, isn’t it?"
Bai Zhi asked tentatively.
"Not at all, not at all."
They hurried to reassure her, not wanting the little girl to feel inferior.
"I know it’s ugly, but I don’t care. My grandfather took me in, transferred my household registration, and let me live with him; only then I realized that those who like you never need you to suffer.
He wouldn’t make me feed pigs, nor would he let me carry heavy loads.
It turns out, leaving that home, that place I once was willing to give everything to cling to,
I can live a good life too."