(Prompt! These two chapters use a lot of first-person narration~ It's Liu Xue's monologue. I hope everyone can read it through, much appreciated~)
I am a cowardly person.
Being born was the first thing in my life that I couldn't choose for myself. From the day I was born, I became a daughter of the Dou family. An innocent child, yet burdened with a deep-seated vendetta.
Some people can see their entire life at a glance.
As a young girl, I always thought this way.
What kind of family you're born into, what kind of parents you have, these are things I felt powerless over.
But the path is one you must walk yourself.
I faced two choices: revenge, or not.
To be like a moth to a flame, dying a spectacular death.
Or to live a quiet, mediocre life, hidden from the world.
My heart yearned for the latter, but the road beneath my feet always led to the former.
Thus, I wandered, drifting like duckweed, battered by rain, pushed by currents.
If you ask me whether I regret choosing the path of revenge,
I think I would answer you—yes.
In a person's life, there are very few moments of resolute determination, of burning one's bridges, of disregarding everything.
And most of the time, there is hesitation, doubt, looking around, fearing the consequences.
I am a clear-headed coward, much like the masses.
Su Tianhe is a very ambitious person. I saw through him; he not only wants Sky's End Valley but also aims to annex Netherworld Hall.
He secretly helped Sui Yan take over Netherworld Hall, and he didn't deliberately hide this from me.
Because, in the end, what he wants, regardless of which side, will belong to the Su family.
I saw through his intentions but did not stop him.
He promised that even if Netherworld Hall disappeared, Sky's End Valley would always remain.
This way, it wouldn't go against my plan for revenge.
He is the final piece.
These thoughts were shared during a private conversation when he was honest with me. Su Tianhe is a cautious person, not one to easily expose his true thoughts.
I was the one who approached him first, saying I wanted to die with Sui Yan.
He couldn't believe it at first. He said I had sacrificed so much for this position, costing countless lives.
How could I just give it up after such hardship?
I said I wasn't "for" this position; I never wanted to possess everything.
What the Su family wants is change; they want to change the situation where Sky's End and Netherworld deplete each other.
But what I want is an end.
Love and hate, tears and suffering, generational grudges, all end with me.
I decided to meet Sui Yan one last time.
I took the Falling Pear Blossoms poison before setting out. I thought, if I died on the way, so be it; it would just mean Sui Yan got a reprieve.
If I didn't die, then fine, the plan would continue, and he and I would die together.
The poisoning process went smoother than I imagined. I disguised myself as you, but unfortunately, Sui Yan saw through it immediately.
He played along with me for a long time, just like when we were kids playing games.
Sui Yan often pretended not to know, letting me bully him, tricking him around, thinking it would make me happy.
We, two dying people, coughed and spat blood, clinging to life as we talked for a long time.
How many years had it been since we had such a time?
At the time, it seemed ordinary.
Sui Yan said, Liu Xue, I'm tired.
Sitting in that position, the platform is high, and the burden on his shoulders is heavy. The narrow gap left is just enough for him to catch his breath.
I smiled bitterly, not saying anything in return.
How could I not feel the same?
Here we sit, looking glamorous, but in reality, we are two ragged dolls, two hearts riddled with holes.
I asked Sui Yan if he had any regrets, and after a long time, he finally responded.
He said, Liu Xue, life is unpredictable.
He initially descended the mountain for immortality, to protect his sister and Shi Fu.
But what happened afterward? He realized he was destined to be his sister's enemy, that he wasn't the destined one for Peach Blossom Mountain.
In the end, so many things were beyond his control, so many unspeakable hardships, leading him further and further from his original path.
The initial vow was too vague, like a dream. He often recalled it, questioning whether he really said those words.
Zhuang Zhou dreaming of a butterfly, is the tranquility of the mountains real, or is the slaughter outside real?
Sui Yan could no longer tell.
I saw his blinking slow down, his breathing become faint, almost inaudible.
He said again, Liu Xue, I'm tired...
I said, sleep, Sui Yan.
Grudges and vengeance will end here. Close your eyes and end this illusion.
Sui Yan obediently closed his eyes, a slight smile on his lips.
He said, in the next life, let's just be ordinary people.
Plant beans on the southern mountain, brew wine, and tend to flowers.
He wants to meet you and me again as ordinary people.
Sui Yan, beside me, gradually stopped breathing and his heart ceased.
I looked at the bright moon in the sky, my vision growing blurry.
I remembered something.
One day, I dreamed of you, me, and Sui Yan around a well, pulling up a huge watermelon. That watermelon was so big, Sui Yan and I, overestimating our strength, took turns trying to hold it, only to fall over.
The melon soaked in well water, cool and refreshing. Slicing it open, the green rind and red flesh were crisp and sweet.
The three of us sat around the low wooden table in the courtyard, each holding a crescent-shaped piece of watermelon, quenching our thirst, chatting casually.
I sweated a lot, drenched, which was strange. Even in the height of summer, Peach Blossom Mountain never steamed people to this extent.
It can be hard to make great work when its stolen from ".
Wiping my face, I realized it wasn't sweat, but all my tears.
I woke from the dream, tears flowing. It dawned on me that it wasn't a mere dream, but a long-gone memory.
A dream came last night, leading me home, showing I was homesick.
Looking back at the soft red dust of thirty meters, it's no match for the chickens and dogs of Peach Blossom.
This is not my home; Sui Yan and I cannot die here, cannot rest in peace.
I made a decision, to carry Sui Yan's body to that mountain, to the grave long prepared.