For the first time in what felt like a very long while, the dungeon was completely silent. There were no assassins, no inspectors, and no panicking adventurers. The only occupants were a few off-duty Iron Gryphons, sleeping peacefully in the Hibernation Hollows.
I finally had a chance to do what I had been trying to do all along.
For a Dungeon Core, sleep is a state of deep, blissful quiet. My inner light dimmed to a soft, pulsing, lavender glow. My connection to the dungeon relaxed, and my consciousness drifted in a sea of perfect, thoughtless peace. It was wonderful.
Naturally, it didn’t last.
A sharp, high-pitched buzzing sound drilled into my peaceful state. It was FaeLina. She wasn’t panicked; she was buzzing with a new and, in my opinion, far more terrifying energy.
She sounded like a marketing executive.
"Mochi, wake up! Wake up right now! We have a branding crisis!" she declared.
My inner light brightened with a flicker of pure annoyance. ’Branding crisis?’ I projected, my mental voice thick with sleep. ’I just defeated two separate invasion forces and passed a government inspection. Can I not get five minutes of uninterrupted peace?’
"No time!" she insisted, zipping back and forth. "The rumors about us are spreading, but they’re not consistent! I’ve been monitoring the ScryNet, and it’s a disaster! The adventurers call us ’The Sanctuary.’ Daisy the Druid’s followers call us ’The Nap Dungeon.’ That merchant Bartholomew is telling everyone about ’The Place with the Miracle Tea’! Mochi, our brand identity is a mess! We need to standardize!"
Before I could protest, she began listing off a series of terrible slogans she had apparently been working on.
"How about this one: ’The Comfy Corner: Your One-Stop Shop for Metaphysical Rejuvenation!’ Or maybe: ’Come for the Tea, Stay for the Existential Crisis Therapy!’ Oh, I know! ’Now with 100% fewer spikes than the leading competitor!’"
’No,’ I replied, my voice a flat, deadpan wall.
"But—" Updates are released by NoveI★Fire.net
As we were having this very important marketing meeting, the Guild Bulletin Board chimed with a soft, pleasant sound. A new quest had been posted.
FaeLina immediately forgot about her slogans. "Ooh, a quest! I hope it’s for something prestigious! Maybe they need us to appraise a magic item!"
She flew over to read the glowing script on the board. Her shoulders slumped.
"Quest posted by: Pip the Rogue," she read, her voice dripping with disappointment. "Title: ’Lost and Found’."
"Description: My favorite lockpick, a little silver one I call ’Jiggles,’ must have slipped out of my pouch somewhere on the second floor during my last Sentinel nap. It’s not valuable, but it has great sentimental value. Reward: 3 Silver Coins and my eternal gratitude."
FaeLina turned to me, her expression pained. "Our grand alliance with a powerful guild... is being used as a lost-and-found."
’Accept the quest,’ I commanded. This was exactly the kind of low-stress problem I enjoyed solving.
"And who do you plan on sending to look for a single, tiny lockpick?" she grumbled. "Sir Crumplebuns is a Knight of the Fluff Guard! A task is beneath his dignity!"
She was right. So I decided to hire some new, more specialized staff.
[Summon Monster: ’Dust Bunny’ x 3? Cost: 15 DP.]
With three soft poofs, a trio of new creatures appeared on the floor. They weren’t monsters. They were bunnies, about the size of my fist, made of animated, tightly-packed dust and lint. They had big, curious button-eyes and twitching noses. Their only listed abilities were [Find Lost Things] and [Gentle Tidying].
I gave them their first assignment. The three Dust Bunnies happily hopped down the stairs to the second floor. A few minutes later, one of them returned, the missing lockpick ’Jiggles’ held gently in its mouth.
The quest was complete. FaeLina was just staring at the adorable Dust Bunnies as they began to happily tidy up the main chamber, their little tails wiggling. Her resistance to my methods was now completely gone, replaced by an overwhelming adoration for cute, helpful minions.
"Oh, Mochi," she sighed. "They’re... they’re so efficient."
As if on cue, a new alert appeared. It wasn’t an intrusion; it was a notification from the Reputation System.
[Your Reputation with ’General Adventurers’ has increased to ’Beloved Sanctuary’!]
[New Visitor Type Unlocked: Tourists.]
[WARNING: A large, non-adventuring tour group, led by the merchant Bartholomew, is approaching your location. Estimated arrival: one hour.]
FaeLina’s eyes went wide. "Tourists?!" she squeaked. "Mochi, what are we going to do with tourists?!"
My nap was definitely over.