It further reminded her that she would use his departure as a way to get back to how she was when she didn't realize he was an attractive and endearing man.
"Despite not knowing each other well, you're up late comforting me," the Commander realized, his voice lighter than before. "I should thank you."
Except it wasn't just that.
Before Irene went down to the dining hall, she had an inkling that the Commander could be down there, just as he was in the last inn in Chemois. Even if it was a shock to see him, there was a small hope in the corner of her heart.
Since she was already trying to comfort him, perhaps she could finally come clean with what had been bothering her for such a long time. It was an event that drove a wedge between them, and she had a feeling she was the one solely at fault for jumping to such a conclusion…
"I have an ulterior motive," she confessed. "I had a feeling you would be down here this evening."
"How do you mean?" he asked, seeming to hesitate at his own question.
She gently tucked her hair behind her ear, resisting the urge to nervously play with it as she might normally.
"I wanted to apologize for assuming the baby in that village was yours," she admitted, speaking more quickly the more nervous she was. "You've never given me any indication that you were that type of man. I have just never seen a man hold a child that wasn't his in such an affectionate way. But that's no excuse. I could tell I offended you, but I didn't have the courage then to say something to rectify it."
Her head felt hot with embarrassment. She had to drink some of the cool ale to distract herself.
However, the Commander straightened out slightly after she blurted out so many things.
"I didn't realize you were still thinking about that after all this time. I appreciate your apology. I admit that it did sting a bit when you jumped to that kind of conclusion about me."
However, Irene stopped with another apology when he shook his head.
"All I can do is continue to prove that I'm not that sort of person," he persisted with a small smile. "That way, there will be no shadow of doubt."
She offered a small, embarrassed smile, her eyebrows lowering as she held back so much. There were no doubts about him any longer. In fact, she feared that he was far greater a man than she originally thought. Not only was he pleasing to the eyes, but he often said things that warmed her heart. The surprises he offered weren't merely about himself but more about what he did to her.
"Well, you face dragons with such effortlessness, I feel that anything is possible at this rate, Commander," she joked.
"You're joking with me now?" He feigned disbelief, reminding her of Felix, which filled her with much dread. "I never thought I would see the day."
"You're going to make me apologize again," she uttered. "You don't seem fond of apologies very much, so I don't think you would like it." ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs, ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴠɪsɪᴛ novel✶fire.net
She brought her ale to her lips again and hid a small, shy smile.
"You're right," he admitted. "I only want my knights to lift their heads towards me and show how they survived so long while being neglected by the King. No more apologies, got it?"
Even though it was a bit unnerving to do so, Irene straightened her posture and lifted her head.
"Yes, sir," she responded, her voice too quiet to be dutiful, but she felt that she shouldn't shy away. "There won't be many opportunities in the near future as it is." At the last sentence, her voice got even quieter. "I wish you and Commander Lothian the best in your travels. Please return to us safely, Commander. We have become spoiled having you around. You cherish our knighthood so much more than the late Duke."
Even though he did seem burdened, he still offered her one of his more genuine smiles, and this one actually did meet his eyes, which told Irene that she possibly had helped in cheering the Commander up.
"I am merely treating all of you the way that I would like to be treated as a knight," he admitted. "Perhaps it's because I also feel sorry that you all were given someone lacking experience… But like we agreed, no more apologies."
However, Irene's last sentence was punctuated by a yawn, and she immediately covered her mouth with her calloused hand that was rarely without a glove. Her eyes were wide as she looked at the man across from her.
"You want to apologize again, don't you?" he asked with a small smirk.
"I think that's my cue to go to sleep," she insisted, ignoring his jab. "The ale seemed to have done its job."
"I may actually be able to sleep now as well," he responded.
Their conversation had helped remind him of his entire purpose. He needed to get to Hydrogia quickly so that he could return to Chemois just as quickly. He had people waiting for him, after all.
All he hoped was that the King didn't anger him enough that he would lose all he had worked toward so far.
Side by side, the two knights brought their mugs to the basin where they would be washed by whoever kept the bar the next day.
As Irene turned to leave, she was surprised to see the Commander holding out his hand to her. However, the gesture was anything but a mere handshake, and she quickly closed the space that made it so both of their hands embraced the forearm of the other person in a gesture of trust known by knights.
"Take care for me," the Commander requested. His expression had returned to slightly more contemplative than the lighthearted one he had before. Their conversation had ended, and he was left thinking about why the King had taken his aunt and mother into custody once more.
"You as well," Irene responded. "We will be waiting for you."
The Commander gestured for Irene to go first, and she nodded before quickly walking up the stairs and down the hall that would take her to the private room where a small fire was waiting for her. She loved feeling snug while she was sleeping.
She missed the Commander leaning against the bottom railing and watching her ascend the stairs and disappear into the dark hallway. There was a hopefulness in his expression before he wiped it off. He ran a hand through his hair, seemingly frustrated.
He knew that leaving his knighthood would cause their budding trust to perish, and it would likely have to be built once again. She was like a fire that was hard to keep burning and disappeared so incredibly easily.