"About that..." Leo started, scratching the back of his head. He looked away from the High Priest, focusing on a stained glass window depicting a saint spearing a demon. "It’s a funny story, really."
Remus didn’t look amused. His face was a mask of pale, trembling terror. "Funny? The Black Sky is a Calamity-Class artifact! It is capable of warping reality! Where is the box, Leo? Did you drop it? Did the bandits take it?"
"No, no," Leo waved his hand dismissively. "The bandits didn’t get it. I handled them. But you should have seen the size of the monster raid, Remus. It was incredible."
Leo widened his eyes, mimicking a storyteller at a tavern.
"First, there were the boars. Hundreds of them! Big, hairy, angry pigs with glowing tusks. They smashed into the cart like a battering ram. Bam! The wheels were creaking, the wood was splintering. I thought Hilda—that’s the mule—was going to have a heart attack right there."
Remus grabbed Leo’s lapels again. "I do not care about the mule! Where is the artifact?"
"I’m getting there!" Leo pried the old man’s fingers off. "You have no patience. So, after the boars, the zombies came. Grave Stalkers. Nasty things. Smelled worse than your breath after a garlic festival. They swarmed the Guardians. Ripped them to shreds."
Leo shook his head solemnly. "Brave men. Stupid, but brave. They died screaming your name, Remus. Well, actually, they died screaming ’Run!’, but the sentiment was there."
"They are with the Light now," Remus snapped, vibrating with anxiety. "Leo. The Box."
"Right, the box. So, after the zombies, the real trouble started. The Blackfang Bandits showed up. Elite unit. Nasty customers."
Leo leaned in, his voice dropping to a whisper.
"They had a leader. Bane. Dressed like a noble, fought like a demon. He had these ten savages with him. They surrounded me. I was alone, Remus. Just me and my swords against a small army."
"They tortured me," Leo lied, pointing to a small scratch on his cheek that had already healed. "See this? They beat me. They threatened to peel my skin off. They wanted the box, Remus. They knew what it was. They said their ’Boss’ needed it to conquer the world."
Remus gasped. "The Boss? Did they say a name?"
"No," Leo said. "But this Bane guy? He was terrified. He said he’d rather die than fail. So, naturally, he tried to kill me."
"And?" Remus shrieked. "Did he take it?"
"I fought him off!" Leo puffed out his chest. "It was a legendary duel. Steel against steel. Will against will. I broke his sword with my bare hands. I kicked him through a wall. I made him cry for his mother."
"I don’t care about his mother!" Remus roared, his patience finally snapping. He grabbed a handful of his own robes, looking like he wanted to tear them. "WHERE IS THE DAMN BOX, LEO? IS IT IN THE CART? IS IT HIDDEN IN THE WOODS? TELL ME!"
Leo looked at the High Priest. The old man was on the verge of a stroke. Veins were bulging in his forehead.
Leo sighed. He stopped the act.
He looked Remus dead in the eye. He placed his hand flat against his own stomach. He rubbed it gently, like a mother soothing a child.
"It’s in here," Leo said.
Remus froze. He stared at Leo’s hand. He stared at Leo’s stomach.
He blinked. Once. Twice.
"In... there?" Remus whispered.
"Yup," Leo nodded.
"You..." Remus stammered. "You... swallowed the box?"
"What? No!" Leo looked at him like he was an idiot. "It’s a wood box the size of a chest, Remus. How would I swallow that? Use your head."
"Then what do you mean ’in there’?" Remus shrieked. "Did you eat the artifact? Did you peel the Black Sky and eat it like a fruit?"
"I didn’t eat it!" Leo protested. "I absorbed it."
Remus’s knees gave out. He stumbled back, collapsing onto a pew. "Absorbed...?"
"Look, it was a desperate situation," Leo explained, walking over and patting the old man on the shoulder. "Bane was about to kill me. The box opened. The darkness started leaking out. It was going to consume the forest. It was going to kill everyone."
Leo put a hand over his heart, looking noble.
"I had to make a choice, Remus. Let the bad guys get the nuke, or... contain the blast."
"I made the supreme sacrifice," Leo said, his voice thick with fake emotion. "I threw myself onto the darkness. I let it enter me. I became the vessel to save the Kingdom."
Remus stared at him with horror. "You... you took a Calamity-Class entity... into your body?"
"And it hurt," Leo added, grimacing. "A lot. Like drinking hot sauce and razor blades. But I held it in. I locked it down."
He patted his stomach again.
"Now I’m raising it. It’s sleeping right now. Like a little baby calamity."
"A baby..." Remus whimpered. "You are insane. You are a walking apocalypse. If that thing wakes up... if it takes control... you could level the city."
"Nah," Leo grinned. "I’ve got a strong gut. Iron constitution. Besides, it gave me some great stats."
Remus looked like he was going to be sick. He stood up on shaky legs, backing away from Leo. He pulled a holy symbol from his robes and held it out, as if Leo were a vampire.
"Stay back," Remus hissed. "Do not come closer. You are corrupted. You are a vessel of the Void."
"I’m a Hero," Leo corrected him. "I saved your precious cargo. It’s safe. It’s just... internal now."
"We have to get it out," Remus muttered, pacing frantically in circles. "We have to extract it. Maybe surgery? An exorcism? If we cut you open..."
"Whoa, easy there, butcher," Leo stepped back, his hand going to his sword. "Nobody is cutting anyone open. The last person who tried that ended up cleaning my boots with her tongue."
"This is not a joke!" Remus yelled. "The High Priestess! She is expecting a box! A sealed, contained artifact! If I send her a boy who says ’It’s in my tummy,’ she will have me executed for heresy!"
"Then don’t send a box," Leo suggested. "Send me."
Remus stopped pacing. He looked at Leo.
"Think about it," Leo said, stepping forward. "I am the perfect delivery system. Nobody can steal it from me without killing me. And trust me, I’m hard to kill. I’ll walk right into the Capital, march up to the High Priestess, and say, ’Here’s your package, Lady. Now, how do we get it out?’"
"She will kill you," Remus whispered. "She will flay you alive to retrieve the essence."
"I’ll take my chances," Leo shrugged. "She sounds hot. Maybe I can charm her."
Remus stared at him. The audacity. The sheer stupidity.
But then, the gears in the old man’s head started turning.