Chapter 45: Chapter 45: The Psychological State in Crisis
Lin Yu’an curled up by the stove, the flickering firelight stretching his shadow long on the rough stone wall.
He felt something was off with his body, a chill seeped from his bones, his forehead began to heat up, and his temples throbbed with a dull pain.
"Damn... Could it be that rain yesterday gave me a fever?" Lin Yu’an cursed inwardly.
His heart sank as he reached out the back of his hand to feel his forehead, finding it indeed scorching hot, but he dared not show any sign of a fever in front of the camera.
Lin Yu’an struggled to get up, walked to a place outside the shelter away from the camera, and rummaged through his emergency kit from the space for a small blister pack of fever and anti-inflammatory medicine.
The bitterness of the pills spread in his mouth, much like his mood at that moment.
"I already have the space, I absolutely can’t stop here! Never!"
Lin Yu’an composed himself; he had already recorded his physical vulnerability in the afternoon. According to the routine of past contestants, next should be the psychological fragility.
He turned on the camera, continuing to record his "vulnerability" material, but now the recording was more about showing his mental state of "vulnerability."
Lin Yu’an picked up the torn, waterweed-and-silt-entangled stinging net, with snapped lines, looking like a pile of worthless junk! He tossed it aside irritably, making a dull "bang."
"Even you are against me!"
He growled lowly, his eyes filled with bloodshot veins!
Just sitting there, letting the negative emotions grow and spread in his heart.
Time ticked by second by second, and the air inside the shelter seemed to solidify, so oppressive one could hardly breathe.
Lin Yu’an began to talk to himself in front of the camera.
"Am I really... going to give up just like that?"
"Honestly, when wrapped in negative emotions, one can’t help but start reminiscing, and I remembered my childhood."
He suddenly looked at the camera, as if speaking to himself, "Guys, you know what? When I was a kid... my life was pretty tough."
Picking up a snapped line, his fingers unconsciously fiddled with it.
"I... I don’t have a biological family, I only know that ever since I have memory, I’ve been living with my current family."
"That family was okay with me at first, but after they had a boy, my so-called ’brother,’ everything changed."
A bitter smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.
"From the age of ten, they kept drilling into me that I should consider my brother, yield to him, take care of him... I became the de facto servant of the family."
"Laundry, cooking, feeding pigs, working in the fields... all the tasks someone my age could or couldn’t do were piled on me."
"The man who bought me often drank heavily, and when he was drunk, he’d start hitting people. That woman, and I, were his targets of venting."
"The bruises and marks on my body seemed never-ending. Until later, when after years of domestic abuse, that woman finally bore a son, only then did he restrain himself a bit."
"Later on, their farmland was demolished for highway construction, they received a sum of money, and the family moved to the city."
"By then, I was thirteen, left alone in the rural old house. Those days were the happiest of my life because I didn’t have to work and I could attend school in town."
He paused, a trace of warmth flashing in his eyes.
"My first benefactor was my middle school principal, he was the only beam of light in my unfortunate childhood!"
"One night, I secretly plucked a hair from that woman while she was asleep, wrapped it in paper, and hid it."
"One day, I mustered up all my courage and found Principal Li. I’ll never forget the shock and heartache in his eyes. He didn’t make a fuss but secretly paid out of his own pocket for a paternity test."
"The result was as I had guessed. I was indeed not their biological child."
"I’m very lucky to have met a true educator who’s also a retired soldier! Soldiers are the most trustworthy group in China!"
"Principal Li didn’t immediately help me call the police or find my biological parents. He had a very deep conversation with me."
"He said, at my young age, and immature mind, rashly searching for my biological parents could lead to unforeseen problems and harm. Besides, with the vast population, finding them wouldn’t be easy or quick."
"The best solution was to first focus on studying and becoming strong, and then, once I was mature and independent, I could search for my roots in a more meaningful way."
"He arranged for me to live at the school during weekdays, and I stayed at his house on weekends. The meals his wife cooked were the warmest taste in my childhood memory."
"From middle through high school, for six years, it was Principal Li and his wife who quietly supported me."
Lin Yu’an spoke to this point, a complex emotion flickered in his eyes toward the camera, containing gratitude and reflections on fate.
"I often think, although my childhood was full of misfortune, I must thank my biological parents for giving me a fairly intelligent mind and a strong body."
"It was these that helped me get through the most difficult childhood and adolescent years and gave me the opportunity to learn and change my fate."
He picked up the snapped line and began attempting to realign the scattered ends.
"Just like this broken net, it seems useless, but as long as one thread is intact, there’s still a possibility of repair, isn’t there?"
Lin Yu’an’s actions became focused, as if all his depression and anxiety were being peeled away during the narrating and untangling process.
"Senior year of high school was another major turning point in my life, also a very painful memory."
"Just when I was fully preparing for the college entrance exams, Principal Li, who had taken care of me like a father, passed away due to a sudden car accident..."
At this point, Lin Yu’an’s voice clearly choked, he lowered his head, remained silent for a moment, then continued.
"This was a huge blow to me. During that time, I was nearly collapsing."
"I had promised him to get into his alma mater, Tsinghua University, to become his fellow alumnus... But, because of his death, my emotions were greatly affected."
"Usually scoring over 700 in mock exams, in the end, I only scored over 680 in the actual college entrance exams."
"I let Principal Li down, I didn’t fulfill our promise..."
He took a deep breath, wiped the corner of his eye with the back of his hand, trying to steady himself.
"During the college entrance exam period, the first thing I did was call the police!"
"The police collected my DNA, entered it into the national missing persons database. They told me they would notify me as soon as a match was found."
"Later, I set up a separate household registration and left that so-called ’family.’ Following the principal’s wife’s advice, I applied to Texas Tech University, and luckily received a full scholarship, coming to the United States."
"And then... I met Aliya. She was like a beam of light, slowly erasing the unfortunate childhood memories."
"We fell in love, got married, and now, we are about to welcome a pair of twins."
"This is also the most important reason why I joined ’Alone in the Wilderness’ regardless of anything."
His voice began to grow firm and powerful!
"A million US Dollars could provide so much security for our future life. How could I easily give up!"
After finishing, he looked down at the lines in his hands which he was slowly sorting out.
"So, my journey of challenge is like life, also like this net, it’s not time to completely give up yet! No matter how great the difficulty, we can’t easily give up!"
In the memories and narration, Lin Yu’an’s frame of mind seemed to have undergone a baptism too.
He has been reborn, possessing a powerful spatial golden finger, and enhanced physique! It can be said he is undoubtedly the chosen one!
How could the shadow of that unfortunate childhood still affect him?
Lin Yu’an’s current mindset is more of a calmness and tenacity after enduring hardships.
He patiently started to repair that seemingly irreparable fishing net.
Every action was with such focus, as if he was not just mending a net, but also mending a life starting anew!