I was thinking about my first novel and trying to remember it's plot and characters , when I saw a message on my phone , from someone whom I've been ignoring for the past 2 years - my brother.
Vikram : [Are you coming home next week. ]
After seeing the message , I ignored it.
But after some time there was another beep sound.
I picked up the phone and looked at the message and after reading it , there was a deep frown on my face.
Vikram : [There's a prayer ceremony at home for her , You should come. ]
After closing my eyes , trying hard to calm the raising emotions and ignoring the whispers that I started hearing in my head.
{Hey, can I come with you. I wanna see her}
{you're supposed to be the big brother}
{What are you gonna do without me}
{Why did you leave me here alone idiot}
{will you stop doing that, it's making me laugh}
{Don't you dare forget about me , you big dummy}
As the whispers started getting louder, all the memories that I buried deep in my brain started emerging in my head and with that came the pain that I was ohh so familiar with.
I clenched my fists as a chest pain started assaulting me. I could literally hear my heart beating faster and faster. And it looked like my lungs couldn't keep up with it.
I had trouble breathing. I tried to calm down and look around me but I found that I couldn't move my body. I could see the box of pills kept near my laptop but I was losing the strength to even move my hands.
I started getting dizzy , I could feel myself losing consciousness every passing second.
I tried hard to control my emotions and focus on breathing like normal but it was getting harder and harder.
My eyes started getting heavier and it took all I had in me to keep them open. I couldn't close them and fall unconscious here , as I knew if I did then what awaited me was hell.
It was only yesterday night when I lost consciousness due to pain and the vivid nightmares all night long , which felt like eternity was the result of it.
I knew I couldn't go through that again or whatever sanity I had left would be gone for good , so I tried my best to stay awake - hoping it would end soon or one of my colleagues would help me snap out of it.
But my hopes were getting wasted as no one came to help - I could see a transparent face forming in fog near my table. It was something I was most familiar with - after all how could I forget her.
But I wasn't happy seeing her as this meant hallucinations and those ones messed up my brain more. I was literally on my last straws.
It was then that someone started shaking my shoulders and that luckily somehow brought me out of my trance and back to reality.
I started taking quick deep breaths to calm myself down .I took the box and gulped down 3-4 pills with water.
I could see the worried expression on Simon's face (a colleague of mine) .
I could see he was saying something but I couldn't hear his voice.
I gave his hand a pat and started walking away from everyone . I needed some time to clear my head . I was in no condition to listen to anything right now.
After Shiva left Simon turned back and he saw everyone staring in his direction.
Larry - How many times has it been .
Simon - It's the 3rd time this month and 2nd in this week only.
Morris - Seriously he should take a break if he's not feeling well in his head.
Simon - It's only for now , he'll be fine after some time. It's not the first time anyway .
Larry - But that's the problem and I mean we were here today but if not then _ .
Morris - Don't spout bullshit , you idiot . It was the same last year too. He'll be fine next month.
Larry - But don't you think it's getting more serious every time. You saw the look on his face earlier right. I literally felt he could drop dead any moment there. I was scared shitless.
Hearing Larry's words , the other two shut their mouth. As they both knew it was truth.
The panic attacks for their silent colleague were getting stronger every time and they could see it.
But they could do nothing about it to help him - as he didn't ask for any help , and simply rejected when someone else offered it.
It was the same last year when all the company staff had to go through mandatory therapy for their mental health check and he simply ignored it by taking leave for a week.
He should have been fired for it but since he was best friends with Ali and on good terms with Aarvi, the COO - no one said anything.
Well all they could do was hope that he'll be fine next month. And they can start working together again.
Though SK(Shiv Kumar - our mc) never talked much or tried to be friends with anyone but he did helped everyone when someone asked for it .
And for that they were all grateful as without him it would've been quite hard for them to finish their deadlines many times.
If he had free time and was not in his usual broody mood , sometimes he'll even send mails to writers to improve their stories further and suggestions to fix plot holes. And that helped their team get more contracted novels and books , earning their extra bonus.
So they could only wish and pray to God that he'll be fine before next month , as next month was when they had to face their biggest hurdle ever .
But neither they nor anyone else knew that God had other plans for that guy.
And this was the last time they'll ever see him.
It was hard to describe the panic attacks in words as I had no idea about it. But I wrote that after searching online for all its symptoms and effects -- and I feel it turned out great.
Tell me what you think?
--- Take care of your mental health as it's super important.