The next morning, I woke up to a goblin-sized headache. Not from any injury—unless you count repeatedly slamming my head against the metaphorical wall of goblin stupidity. No, this was a special gift from the horrifying realization that I was leading these guys.
I stepped out of my rickety shelter, surveying the disaster that was the goblin camp. If chaos were an Olympic sport, these guys would've taken home gold, silver, and bronze, then melted them down to make crude nose rings.
A goblin skittered past, carrying a burning log for absolutely no reason. Another goblin was arguing with a rock, and somehow losing. How did these guys survive for so long?
"Why does it look worse than yesterday?" I muttered, rubbing my temples.
Boulder plodded up to me, gnawing on a Glowshroom like it was a steak. "Morning, Boss! Camp's looking good, huh?"
I stared at him. "Boulder, a tent just collapsed, and I think that's Gorn wrestling a squirrel for half a berry."
"Yeah!" he said cheerfully. "Normal goblin stuff." Dudeಠ_ಠ
"No, Boulder. This is the problem. If we keep living like this, the only thing we're building is a fast-track to extinction. It's time for some changes."
"Like what?"
"Like everything," I groaned.
---
I called a "meeting," which, in goblin terms, meant I screamed at everyone until they shuffled over, grumbling like toddlers forced to nap. I climbed onto a mossy rock, trying to look authoritative. Instead, I looked like someone trying to cosplay as a motivational speaker.
"Listen up!" I barked. The goblins stopped shoving each other long enough to stare at me with a mix of confusion and mild suspicion.
"We're not scavengers anymore," I declared. "From now on, we're a community! And that means we're going to start acting like one. No more fighting over scraps, no more random fires—"
"But fires are fun!" someone interrupted.
"They're also how we almost roasted Gorn alive yesterday!" I snapped.
Gorn waved a singed hand. "I was warm! Like a Glowshroom on a summer's day!" Bruh(´･_･`)
Good lord, how did these morons survive?!
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Okay, first rule of our new and improved goblin camp: cleanliness."
The goblins erupted into groans and protests.
"Why do we gotta wash?" Gorn whined. "We're goblins! We're supposed to smell like swamp and despair!"
"No, Gorn. You smell like a dead fish that's been lovingly aged in dragon spit. And guess what? Predators love that smell."
A goblin in the back piped up. "So, what you're saying is... Gorn's bait?"
Gorn glared. "Hey!"
"Focus!" I yelled. "We're starting with basic hygiene. If you don't want to do it for me, do it for your own skin. Literally. Have you seen Tink's rash?"
Tink scratched his arm sheepishly. "It's... artistic."
No, no, it's not.
---
By midday, I'd achieved what could only be described as questionable success. Most goblins had rinsed off—though some thought "cleaning" meant rolling in mud "because it's fresh dirt."
"Step one: sort of done," I muttered, watching Boulder chase a goblin who'd stolen his bucket.
Next on the agenda: fixing the camp. I gathered the group again.
"We need proper shelters," I explained, gesturing at the leaning tents and crumbling huts. "Something that won't fall over if someone sneezes."
Tink raised a hand. "But Boss, we don't got fancy materials."
"Then we use what we've got," I said. "Wood, vines, mud—whatever works."
Boulder raised his hand. "Can I smash stuff?"
"Sure," I sighed. "But only the bad stuff. Not good wood, okay?"
He saluted enthusiastically. "Good wood stays. Bad wood smash."
---
By the evening, we'd somehow built a single, lopsided hut. It leaned like it was trying to take a nap, but it was sturdy, and most importantly, functional.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE]
Base Infrastructure Improved: +5 Reputation.
I stared at the notification, then at the hut. "That's it? Five points? We basically defied physics!"
Gorn patted my shoulder. "Good job, Boss. Next time, we build two huts!"
"Oh, joy," I muttered sarcastically.
---
That night, I gathered the goblins for one last speech.
"We've got a long way to go," I admitted, "but today we proved we can do more than survive. We can build. Each of you has strengths—Tink's good at building, Gorn's sneaky, and Boulder's... well, strong."
Boulder flexed proudly, ripping his shirt. We know dude, we know(¬_¬)ﾉ
"We're going to keep improving," I continued. "Together, we'll make this camp into something great. Something we can all be proud of."
The goblins stared at me for a moment. Then Tink raised his hand. "So, do we get paid for this?"
"No," I said flatly.
He grinned. "Sounds good, Boss."
As the group dispersed, I collapsed by the fire, utterly exhausted. The camp still looked like a work in progress—emphasis on work—but it was a start.
One hut, a slightly less filthy goblin crew, and a whole lot of headaches later, I allowed myself a tiny, victorious smile.
"Step by step," I murmured. "Even if the steps are wobbly and smell like Gorn."