Today marked the official first day of my grand scouting adventure. I say "official" because yesterday was just a test run where I got chased halfway across the forest by a horde of overly aggressive squirrels （・∀・）
Those little shits were probably plotting my downfall as we speak, sharpening their claws and practicing synchronized ambush tactics for when I come back!
Heh, too bad that's not today, squirrels. Not today.
Since the north had clearly been claimed by Satan's rodents, I decided to head south this time.
My objective: find leather, or at least some kind of material we could use to make clothes and armor. A growing "village" like ours needed proper protection.
Half the goblins were still running around in nothing but ragged loincloths, and seeing Boulder use what looked like a potato sack as a shirt was starting to bother me on a spiritual level.
---
As I walked toward the exit of our so-called "village," I took a moment to admire the scene.
Absolute chaos(´･ᴗ･`)
Tink was trying to hammer two planks together but had somehow nailed his sleeve to the wood. How? I have no idea.
Boulder and one of the goblins were engaged in a heated argument over a pile of mud that might have once been a brick. Scarface, bless his heart, was yelling at an ogre who was "helping" by lifting a log and spinning in circles with it like some kind of oversized toddler, while the others laughed at their antics.
"Work harder! Not stupider!" Scarface roared, throwing his arms up in exasperation.
Honestly, for a bunch of creatures I'd wrangled into a community, things were... progressing? If you squinted hard enough.
"Keep it up!" I shouted as I passed through the gate, dodging a random piece of flying lumber.
Scarface grumbled something about "crazy leaders abandoning the ship," but I ignored him.
---
The forest to the south was thick and damp, the kind of place where the air hung heavy with moisture and smelled vaguely of mildew.
Scratch all that, this place is just a muddy swamp, seriously, why glorify everything?
Anyway, the further I walked, the muddier the ground became. My crudely made boots squelched with every step, and I could already feel it soaking through.
"Yep, it's a swamp," I muttered bitterly, glaring down at the mud that had decided to swallow half my foot. "Why wouldn't it be?"
Armed with my "creatively made map"—and I'm using the term map loosely cuz I just stole it from Boulder (he didn't need that tunic anyway) —I trudged onward. I'd sketched vague landmarks with mud chalk that I dried up, like a child's drawing that got rejected by art class, don't judge, you know you were once such child yourself ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌
Still, it was my map, and so long as I can read it, I was determined to make it useful.
---
Hour One: Mud Monsters
After about an hour of slogging through the swamp, I was starting to think this place was cursed. My boots weighed a ton with all the muck stuck to them, and I'd already fallen twice, earning myself a mud facial that I did not ask for.
"This is fine," I muttered, wiping sludge off my cheek. "This is the life I signed up for." Technically didn't though.
The swamp was quiet—too quiet, in fact. No birds chirping, no wind rustling the trees, just the occasional plop of something uncomfortably close.
I froze mid-step.
"What was that?"
Plop.
"Uh-oh..."(•__•;)
Slowly, I turned my head. The water about five meters away rippled. A dark, shadowy figure moved beneath the surface.
"Oh no. Nope. Not today."
I started to back up, very slowly.
Plop. The ripple grew closer.
Before I could turn and sprint, something exploded out of the water with a loud splash. A giant, murky figure emerged—something between a mud monster and a blobfish with arms.
I stared at it. It stared back.
For a long moment, we both just... stood there.
Then, in one mighty motion, it let out a gurgling GYSHAA!.
"WHY?!" I shrieked, stumbling backward and flinging my map into the air. "I JUST GOT DRY! Dang it!"ಥ_ಥ
The monster lumbered toward me with the speed of a slow-moving avalanche. I wasn't about to stick around to see what it wanted.
I turned tail and ran, mud flying everywhere as I sprinted through the swamp like my life depended on it. Spoiler: it did.
---
Hour Two: Mapping Disaster
Once I was a safe distance away—and by "safe," I mean hiding behind a tree while wheezing like an out-of-shape ogre(Which technically am)—I dared to peek around. The mud monster hadn't followed me. Thank whatever swamp gods were out there.
I slumped against the tree, catching my breath. "Okay, lesson learned: swamps are full of nightmare creatures. Avoid swamp water at all costs."
That's when I remembered something.
My map.
"Oh no, no, no, no—"
I dug through my pockets frantically, but of course, it was gone. My beautiful, questionably drawn map was probably floating in a mud puddle somewhere, becoming part of swamp history.
"That's it," I muttered, throwing my hands up. "I quit. I retire. Someone else can deal with the mud monsters and flying maps." I'm out of here (●__●)
---
Hour Three: Reluctant Success
After recovering from my mud-induced trauma, I continued south with much less enthusiasm. Just when I was about to call it quits, I stumbled upon something promising: a tangle of thick vines and broad-leafed plants that looked vaguely leathery.
I crouched down, inspecting them. "Huh. This could work."
It wasn't leather, but if dried properly, it might serve as a decent substitute for clothes or armor. Not exactly "battle-ready," but hey, I'd take what I could get at this point.
I collected as much as I could carry, stuffing the plants into my bag while muttering, "If Boulder complains about wearing plant armor, I'm making him wrestle the mud monster."
---
By the time I stumbled back into camp, soaked, muddy, and carrying a bag of suspiciously leafy plants, I must have looked like I'd been dragged through a swamp—which, to be fair, I had.
Scarface spotted me first, raising an eyebrow. "Find anything good?"
I dropped the bag in front of him with a thud. "Armor plants."
"Armor... plants?"
"They're plants. For armor." I threw my arms out dramatically. "Trust the process."
He stared at me, unimpressed. "And the mud?"
"Don't ask."
Tink wandered over and poked the leaves with a stick. "Can we eat these?"
"No."
"...Then what's the point?"
I sighed, rubbing my temples. "I'm going to bed."
As I trudged toward my tent, I could hear Scarface muttering behind me.
"Plants for armor? I swear, she's losing it."
Honestly? Maybe I was. But at least I didn't get eaten by squirrels today
ψ(｀∇´)ψ