Chapter 166: Chapter 150 Because You Want to Protect Yourself
Freyja asked subconsciously, “But didn’t you just say I was happy?”
“Happiness and fear can coexist.” Adela said, “In the gambling duels at the casino, I have seen many such people—they get great hands, so they are excited and happy about their chances to win, but they are also worried that their opponents have better cards, so the underlying anxiety and fear never leave.”
“Happiness stems from what one already possesses, while fear stems from the thought that an opponent can strip away what one has at any moment. Freyja, with whom, and in what kind of gamble, are you engaged?”
“Given that this class is dreadfully boring anyway, rather than chatting with a psychologist, you may as well talk to me—I won’t even charge you.”
Freyja hesitated, “Generally speaking, if one were to undergo psychological therapy, one should seek out a psychologist with no ties to one’s personal life…”
“Yes.” Adela propped up her chin, gazing at Freyja’s beautiful face, “But despite your apparent happiness, your eyes are full of ‘save me’ signals. I simply can’t stand by and do nothing.”
Freyja gently touched her own face, briefly slipping into a trance.
Adela didn’t rush her, quietly waiting by her side.
The sunlight today was pleasant, and the teacher’s lecture was particularly soporific.
In such a tranquil routine, Freyja seemed out of place.
Because she radiated a happiness that Adela had never seen before.
Even if Adela witnessed a gambler turning the tables in one game, clearing his gambling debts and avoiding a fate of being transformed into a mechanical miner for life, they were not as happy as Freyja;
Even if a student was admitted to the Red Mist Institute for graduate studies, they were not as carefree as Freyja;
Even if it were successful businessmen, Mages, professors, scholars—they were not as content as Freyja.
This was really… too glaring.
It even caused a feeling of disgust in Adela, to the point of wanting to vomit.
After a long silence, Freyja finally spoke, “I know a girl named Meiwa…”
“Oh, pfft ahahaha, okay, go on.” Adela could hardly hold back.
Freyja gave Adela an annoyed look and continued, “She recently met a man due to some special circumstances…”
Because of the Contract, Freyja couldn’t reveal details about Ash’s identity, appearance, or that he was living in her apartment, among other information. But she could still share some blurred details with others. For instance, if they spent the night together, she could say they stayed at a hotel; if they dined together every night, she could say she went to eat at Ash’s place; if she scared Ash to the extent that he was afraid to get in bed…
After piecing together the events of the last few days, Freyja finally exposed the inexplicable emotions within her heart, “Now, I both like and dislike him, I want to be close yet also want to stay away from him, I feel as if I may be sick…”
“Isn’t that easy to understand?” Adela laughed, “Meiwa fell in love with him.”
“No, definitely not.” Freyja shook her head, “I’ve been in love before. Love is about getting closer, embracing, greed, taking—how can it be disgust or distancing?”
Adela said, “Love also comes in many forms, or should I say, many purposes. The kind of love you’re familiar with, Freyja, is merely born from physical attraction, fueled by desire to satisfy lust. When you meet a better ‘shell,’ your love will shift along with it. To you, that kind of love is replaceable.”
“But what that man brought to Meiwa wasn’t a momentary desire, but the joy of mutual understanding, daily companionship, the merging of souls. In the future, you might encounter plenty of beautiful ‘shells,’ but intriguing souls—maybe only this one.”
“This is why Meiwa feels repulsed by this love and even tries to distance herself—it’s irreplaceable. What’s more terrifying is that he has gradually woven himself into Meiwa’s life, like a poison seeping into the marrow, which cannot be removed by any means.”
“What an evil man, to make Meiwa part of his life, so that Meiwa’s life is also trampled by him; he wants to understand Meiwa, so Meiwa will want to understand him too; he is dependent on Meiwa, so Meiwa will also depend on him.”
“Perhaps only a man who has completely abandoned his self-respect, his independent life, his privacy would do such a thing. Even the most basic moral education at the orphanage would not have led to such a despicable act.” Adela shook her head, “There are still such shameless men these days, and he even successfully charmed Meiwa. Poor Meiwa indeed.”
Freyja listened, her mind in a haze, and asked subconsciously, “What should I do then?”
“Follow your instincts, dislike him, stay away from him,” Adela whispered, “If you continue , you’ll only sink deeper into the growing affection and lose yourself. The one locking you up won’t just be the man, but also everything you’ve invested in him.”
“You’ve heard it many times in the orphanage, haven’t you? ‘Every relationship that concerns you will taint you,’ ‘Every relationship that belittles you will harm you,’ ‘Every relationship that forces you to change will dominate you.’ Everything that man does is tainting you, hurting you, dominating you.”
Adela took Freyja’s hand, “We have received so much education, not to lose ourselves. We were born for ourselves, and solely for ourselves, with no spare room for anyone else.”
“Do you still remember the main content of the ‘Prohibition of Blood Relations Act’?”
Freyja murmured, “It’s… personal freedom…”
“Yes, personal freedom, because after the prohibition of blood ties, family ceases to exist, and with no foundation for kinship or love, everyone cuts off all social shackles and can thus achieve personal freedom.”
“Perhaps you value him greatly now, but that’s only a ‘delusion’ at this moment. Next year, next month, tomorrow, even the next second, you could have new thoughts, fall for someone new, desire a different life.”
“This isn’t just for yourself, but also for the other person, after all, humans are far more fickle than Meiwa.”
“Think about it, what if the other person suddenly had new thoughts and chose to leave you? What would you feel?”
Thinking of the rapidly expiring ‘best before’ date, Freyja suddenly found it hard to breathe and struggled to say, “…It would hurt.”
“If knowing him for just a short time hurts you, imagine what pain months or years could bring. Would you twist yourself, trying to please him just to hold on?”
“You’ve anticipated this possibility yourself. You’re worried about that future, and that’s why you’re so uneasy, why you want to distance yourself.”
“Because you want to protect yourself, even if it’s just a marshmallow, but you are still afraid of getting pricked.”
Looking at Freyja’s increasingly pitiful expression, Adela whispered in her ear, “We don’t need irreplaceable love.”