Not-Wolfie drifted weightlessly in the darkness. Then, a blue box appeared. At least, he assumed it was blue. (Recently, he had started to have some doubts.)
Congratulations! You have leveled up!
New Class and Subclass available!
Berserker: Academic Rage
Do people refuse to listen when you speak, despite the fact you’re obviously right? Do you find your genius being ignored, even though you’re clearly smarter than everyone else? Don’t waste your words of wisdom on idiots. Let your fists do the talking instead!
Channel your rage to temporarily increase your damage output and size. Do extra damage against targets with a low Intellectual score when enraged!
Gain access to new abilities such as: The Weight of Knowledge, Too Broke to Die, Ramen, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead, and Too Mad to Be Wrong.
Would you like to accept this Class and Subclass?
YES/NO?
With tears in his eyes, the dire wolf selected YES. He had hoped for a combat class. But getting one designed around beating the stupid out of people? Not-Wolfie could barely believe his luck.
He spent his points and selected a new ability from the list. Too Mad to Be Wrong sounded amazing, and Not-Wolfie liked the idea of always being right. He didn’t waste time reading the description, because there was no way his superior intellect would lead him astray.
Not-Wolfie confirmed the changes. It was time to save his pack-mates.
***
Coming back to reality was somewhat less fun than floating in the void. His skull ached and Francis still had him in a headlock. But the dire wolf had a class now, and that would make all the difference.
Not-Wolfie tried to stand up, but the Marine wrapped around him was too heavy to lift. The dire wolf growled with frustration. This was supposed to be my time to shine!
thought Not-Wolfie, I finally got my class, but this big dumb idiot won’t budge!
The unfairness of it all made him so angry. Who was Francis to stop him from having his big moment? What gave him the right to hold Not-Wolfie back? Did he think he was hot shit just because he was some kind of deity?
The dire wolf felt himself enter an enraged state. This time when he tried to stand up, Francis came with him. Nobody is going to hold me back, ever again, Not-Wolfie promised himself as he went off to save his pack-mates from their own stupidity.
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***
The wisps had led them to a circle in the middle of a clearing. Wolfie looked at the black stone monoliths suspiciously. Generally it was a smart idea to stay away from strange ruins, and that went double for ones that were glowing or made the world around them shimmer. Nothing good could come of that.
Both dire wolves declined to follow the wisps into the circle. The wisps waved their luminous tentacles, but neither one of them was willing to take the risk. “Look,” said Wolfie, “You’ve very nice and all. But I have this thing about evil ritual sites.”
“They make him itch,” Also-Not-Wolfie added helpfully, “And I don’t react well to them either.”
The first wisp bobbed up and down uncertainly. It tried to speak directly into Wolfie’s mind, but was unable to connect. All it got was static.
“Theymay be too stupid to understand us,” the first wisp told its companion through their telepathic link, “Perhaps their brains are too primitive to comprehend our commands?”
“Possibly,” agreed the other wisp, “But then why did they follow us here?”
“Unclear,” replied the first wisp as it took a second to look over the dire wolves, “Perhaps they thought we had food?”
“That is a foolish assumption!” snapped the second wisp, “These are not domesticated beasts!”
“ENOUGH OF YOUR BICKERING!” shouted the queen wisp as she floated into the clearing, the force of her mental presence causing her two minions to almost deflate. “Observe as I bend these lesser creatures to my will!”
Wolfie and Also-Not-Wolfie watched transfixed as the queen wisp’s body pulsed, filling the air with swarms of gently scintillating colored lights. They danced around the dire wolves in hypnotizing patterns.
“Damn. That was one heck of a display,” said Wolfie as he reached into his bag for the last of the popcorn, “It kinda makes me wish I wasn’t color blind.”
The queen wisp froze. “I beg your pardon?” she asked, switching to verbal communication so she could be understood by lesser creatures.
“We’re color blind,” replied Also-Not-Wolfie, “Dire wolves can only see blue, green, and… what was the other one?”
“Yellow,” said Wolfie, “At least, I’m pretty sure it’s yellow. Our pack-mate is in denial, but we’re wearing him down.”
“He’s really sensitive about it,” added Also-Not-Wolfie, “So, I probably wouldn’t bring it up if I were you.”
Wolfie nodded, “He can get a bit frustrated about things sometimes. But we still like having him around.”
“Definitely a good pack-mate,” agreed the other dire wolf.
“Ah,” said the queen wisp, “Well, you might be surprised to know that the ability to see color has nothing to do with the effectiveness of our hypnotic patterns. It works perfectly well on rabbits and squirrels.”
Also-Not-Wolfie raised his paw. “Actually, that reminds me. Since you know so much about animals, maybe you have an answer. Are squirrels classified as fruits, or birds?”
“There has been some debate,” explained Wolfie, “And we thought getting an outside opinion might help clear things up.”
“Both spend a lot of time up in trees,” said Also-Not-Wolfie, “And of course, they’re too fast to eat.”
The two dire wolves looked up at the queen wisp expectantly.
She sighed. Somehow, despite the fact she lacked both a brain and a head, talking with the dire wolves was giving her a migraine. “Squirrels are mammals.”
Also-Not-Wolfie raised his paw. “And that means?”
“That they aren’t birds or fruit,” replied the queen wisp.
“Oh,” Wolfie nodded to his packmate, “I guess that clears that up. What about pears?”
“What about them?” asked the queen.
Also-Not-Wolfie raised his paw. “Well, you see, there has been some debate…”
***
Not-Wolfie heard something explode in the distance, and picked up his pace. He needed to get to save his pack-mates!