Su Lu took a deep breath, "I’m not softhearted, I just..."
Zhao Ying didn’t speak, listening quietly to her.
After a long pause, Su Lu continued, "I actually still can’t forgive him."
Zhao Ying thought of the words she had once spoken with Bo Jingshen and, after pondering for a moment, said, "Perhaps, he also has his compelling difficulties..."
"I know he has difficulties." Su Lu’s voice was low, "Do you think I don’t know? I’ve always known. I’m aware he has his reasons, even guessing that his troubles must be very serious, that they were reasons so compelling he had no choice but to give up on himself, to abandon me. But I just..."
"Often it’s , I understand all the reasons, but I still feel sad."
"I understand all the reasons, but I still feel aggrieved."
"I can imagine your difficulties, but it still hurts me too much."
"I still can’t understand why you absolutely had to abandon me."
"I was clearly... already so unfortunate."
Su Lu spoke slowly, articulating each sentence at a measured pace, which made Zhao Ying feel a heartache listening to her.
"I know that by saying this, I might make you sad, but Mom, really, before you and brother appeared in my life, I’ve had so much misfortune, the only touch of luck within my reach was him. I would even sacrifice my own life for him. Back then Su Yukan..."
Su Lu took a deep breath, bit her lip hard, and then slowly exhaled a sentence, "... he almost beat me to death. He was close to beating me to death if it wasn’t for Su Zhe arriving back just in time. Even so, I didn’t want to give up on Bo Jingshen, I love him!"
Su Lu opened a bottle of beer and gulped down half of it. Zhao Ying did not stop her, even though Su Lu’s health had not been good after giving birth to Zhao Xiaole and she had abstained from alcohol for a long time.
But Zhao Ying knew that, at this moment, Su Lu genuinely needed some alcohol, to give some release to her emotions.
When she said, ’Even so, I didn’t want to give up on Bo Jingshen, I love him!’ so resolutely, Zhao Ying felt somewhat shaken.
Because Su Lu was usually a gentle and restrained person, Zhao Ying rarely saw her express her emotions so openly.
Then Zhao Ying felt an overwhelming heartache, she knew that Su Yukan had been violent towards Su Lu before, but she hadn’t realized it was that severe. Su Lu was never one to exaggerate, so if she said she was almost beaten to death back then, it could have been truly life-threatening.
Zhao Ying’s heart felt as if it had been stabbed.
"Do you know what this means, Mom?" Su Lu’s eyes began to well up as she fixed her gaze on Zhao Ying and asked.
But without waiting for Zhao Ying to answer, she answered her own question, "It means that in my eyes, in my heart, being separated from him was more terrifying than death. At that time, even Su Yukan beating me to that extent couldn’t make me yield. Later, he changed tactics, no longer using violence to threaten me, but threatening to harm Bo Jingshen instead, and I gave in."
Su Lu curved her lips into a bitter smile, "It means..."
She patted her chest, "Back then, in my eyes, Su Lu’s eyes, Bo Jingshen’s safety took first priority, above everything else. After that, being together with him, our relationship, followed closely behind in second place. And I could put myself far behind, very far behind."
Of course, Zhao Ying’s heart ached for her daughter, and she suddenly didn’t know what to say.
Su Lu inhaled deeply, "How does that saying go? When I saw him, I became very low, so low to the dust, but my heart was joyful, and so flowers could also bloom from this dust?"
"Mama, I blossomed for him," Su Lu gently tugged at the corner of her mouth as tears smashed out from her eyes.
"Qianqian, stop talking," Zhao Ying couldn’t bear to see her daughter’s tears, she felt extremely heartbroken and took a tissue to wipe them away.
Su Lu let out a long breath, "After so much difficulty, I finally got divorced, finally got to choose my own life, and finally met him again, finally... had another chance with him. I was so thrilled, then, without a word, he pushed me away, left me behind. I valued our relationship more than my own life, but he gave it up."
Zhao Ying said, "Alright, let’s not talk about it anymore. Don’t cry, we won’t mention him. If you don’t like him, just ignore him, and you can avoid seeing him in the future."
"It’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it?" Su Lu glanced at the shrimp in her fingertips, which had been peeled into a messy state, and gently sniffled, "I had said such harsh words at that time, yet when I saw him hurt, I was still concerned and out of sorts. So what does that mean, what do these past five years mean?"
All of this, of course, Bo Jingshen had no idea about as he was eating in a light-flavored restaurant with Zhao Xiaole.
Zhao Xiaole was peeling shrimp for him excitedly, using both hands and mouth.
Bo Jingshen didn’t mind and ate them right up.
"Daddy, did you buy the rose perfume?" Zhao Xiaole asked.
"Mmm, the secretary will deliver it later."
"Is it more high-end than what we won?"
"That’s great, that’s great, Su Xiaolu deserves the best!"
Bo Jingshen’s eyes crinkled with a smile as he put a piece of fish, picked clean of bones, onto Zhao Xiaole’s plate, "Still, be cautious when you eat, I’m worried there might be some bones I missed."
"Uh-huh!" Zhao Xiaole took a big bite but chewed thoroughly before swallowing, "This fish is delicious, can we take one back for Su Xiaolu?"
"Sure." Bo Jingshen nodded and signaled a waiter nearby.
Because it was an upscale establishment, there was a waiter standing by for personalized service. Seeing Bo Jingshen’s gesture, the waiter nodded in understanding.
"Hey, Daddy, have you ever been to Three Gardens?" Zhao Xiaole asked buoyantly, as he was not one to eat in silence.
Bo Jingshen paused for a moment when he heard the name Three Gardens, his motion and gaze stalling momentarily, "Uh... why do you ask?"
"Oh oh! Because I’m going to play in Three Gardens soon. I’ve never been there, and I heard it’s really fun! So I just wanted to ask you, if you’ve been there, tell me what’s fun, so next time I go with you, we can enjoy it together. If you haven’t been, then I’ll go scout it out first, and next time I take you, we can explore it together!"
From this, it was clear that no matter what, he was planning to take Bo Jingshen there for a fun time.
Bo Jingshen smiled, "Then you tell me what’s fun after you go, and you can take me there next time."
"Okay, okay!" Zhao Xiaole nodded.
Bo Jingshen paused before asking, "Who are you going with?"
"Mama and Uncle Qiao."