The lively sounds of the bar pouring in were muffled as I pulled the door closed and locked it. With the door sealed, I sighed in relief, as if a great weight had been on my shoulders. I walked to the mirror, turned the water on, and washed my face.
Putting my hands on the sink, I drearily looked at my reflection. Thin face. Unshaved beard, gaunt, sunken eyes and a sickly pallor. My social exhaustion certainly wasn’t helping; in short, my appearance could put a zombie to shame. The only reason I wasn’t home, savoring the last shred of time I had left in this mortal coil, was to accompany a close friend of mine to a bar.
It had taken days of bothering and begging, but Gale, my closest friend, had managed the divine feat of convincing me to leave the house. It was awful. My feet hurt. I was sweaty, the food sucked, most offensive of all Gale was having a good time. Call it petty, but recently, suffering in the presence of my good-fortuned friend was almost unbearable. I felt guilty- Gale had been a dear friend, a sturdy rock in the emotional minefield that was my life. He was there for me at the passing of my parents, a shoulder to cry on with past relationships. Gale was everything I could wish for in a friend, and that angered me.
I don’t know why. I loved him as a brother, but seeing him more successful, more happy, left a sour taste in my mouth. I envied him — I envied his freedom. And yes, I envied his health.
Seriously. Every time I thought of the fact that I’d be dead before my birthday this year, I felt slightly more hatred towards others. I hated myself for it. I knew it was unreasonable. Knew it was unforgivable. But the joy I’d begun to feel towards any of his minor sufferings scared me.
I splashed more water on my face. I forced the bad feelings back down, and gave a performative smile to myself in the mirror. Serviceable. I wouldn’t afflict Gale with my feelings, wouldn’t taint our friendship with something I knew was petty. I wanted someone, at least, to remember me fondly in my passing.
I prepared myself, took a deep breath, and opened the door. The sounds of karaoke hit my ears, a near-tangible shockwave. The smell of alcohol mixed with the strobing lights, creating a somewhat overwhelming atmosphere as I walked back to our spot at the bar.
As had been the case since we’d arrived, Gale and the other two who accompanied us, Sam and Lily, were sitting at the bar huddled together. I sat on the edge, a clear outsider from the group. Gale, sitting next to me, had noticed my return, and shot me a dazzling smile.
“Aaron!” He shouted over the din. He leaned close enough to my face to feel his breath. “You good?” He asked.
Recognizing he was simply checking up on me, I nodded with a perfunctory smile. His lips raised again as he nodded. He tapped my arm gently, and said “Let me know when you’re ready, we’ll leave!” I was about to respond when Sam leaned over to Gale’s ear and said something I couldn’t make out. Gale laughed and shifted his body, continuing the conversation with Sam and Lily out of earshot.
I frowned and stared down at the table. I quickly asked the bartender for a drink, and buried my unfair feelings in a drink. When I had finished, Gale was still talking with the others. My chest tightened, and I stood up, patted his shoulders and informed him I’d be going for a smoke.
The cool, Autumn air filled my lungs as I walked a bit down the sidewalk. I pulled a pack of cigarettes from my back pocket, and sat on a nearby curb. The intense buzz of the nicotine covered my feelings. My thoughts wondered. How did I get to this point? 28 years of life, accomplished nothing, a few, failed, short relationships to leave my mark on the world. As an only child, after my parents passing I had become estranged from my relatives.
It was like “I” had never existed in this world. The only person that might notice my absence was Gale. The same man I had, just earlier, felt genuine hatred for.
I took another drag, blowing out the smoke in a long, controlled breath. I watched the cloud of smoke fade away into the surrounding air. No trace left behind.
It took a moment for my brain to register the sound behind my head. I froze, hands pausing unsteadily. I slowly turned my head.
A man stood behind me. His dirty, grimy skin was clearly unwashed, his clothes ripped and his eyes showed a dangerous light in them. Chapters fırst released on novel·fire.net
I stopped thinking. My blood ran cold, and what I tried to say came out as a few stuttered syllables.
“Your wallet.” He said, his voice raspy and cracking.
I slowly reached my hand towards my pocket. I paused for a moment as he readjusted the gun in his hand. Carefully, I slid my wallet from my pocket. He reached for it, a greedy look on his face, as a shout came from behind us.
“Wait—Leave him alone!” Roared a masculine voice behind us. Shocked, I looked up at the figure of a man running towards the thief.
“Gale, no!” I shouted, horrified that my friend was sprinting headfirst at an armed robber.
The man, panicked, raised his arm towards Gale right as he was tackled to the ground. As they fell, a shot rang out, accompanied by the pained grunt of a man. I watched, horrified, as Gale rolled over, and a steady stream of blood pooled on the ground beneath him. He tried to stand to his feet, his face defiant.
The thief-the murderer, aimed again at Gale, ready to pull the trigger. My brain electrified with terror. Out of pure instinct, I rushed forward in front of Gale. The flash of a muzzle blinded me, and my next moments were filled with pain. I staggered back, colliding with a barely standing Gale, and we both collapsed to the ground.
“You… idiot…” I said in pained breaths. I turned my head to see Gale’ face. He looked at me, a mixture of three parts pain and one part affection. He didn’t speak, or couldn’t. His hand raised to wipe some splattered blood from my cheek, before falling limply to the ground. When I saw his body still, my breathing became erratic. I felt tears start to form in my eyes, and I had to take gasping breaths from my mouth when my nose filled with snot.
The sounds of footsteps running and people screaming faded out as I looked at Gale’s face. Ah. How was it that until this very moment, I never appreciated Gale? The man who gave his life for me, a dead man walking. At the thought that his effort was wasted, my breathing slowed. At first, I thought to keep my eyes open. But the only reason for keeping them open had just left this world. I breathed out slowly.
Ah. I wish I could start over. Me and him. I wished that I could live a life where I didn’t have to be jealous of my friends for living.
I want to start over with Gale.
My eyes closed. The pounding of my heart slowed. Darkness.
[System Unlocked. Heroine Creation System Online.]