'Eh,' said Inner Sakura matter-of-factly. 'It could be worse. Wanna hear what I learned?'
"Ugh, my head…" groaned Sakura, who was bleeding copiously from her nose. "I think the last of my brain cells might be leaking out through my nose…"
Sakura was not the only one to have experienced a nosebleed of epic proportions. The dark-skinned Kumo ANBU member that had masqueraded as Neji was currently lying flat on his back with a beatific smile on his face and two trails of dried blood running down from his nostrils…
Since Sakura didn't know the first thing about forcibly extracting information from somebody's head using Genjutsu, she had relied on her Inner Self to brute force her way into the fake Neji's mind. Even though they were two sides of the same coin, Inner Sakura was much better suited for navigating such a task than she was, since she lived rent-free inside Sakura's mind palace…
'Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?' asked Inner Sakura. 'Well, they're actually both kind of bad, so I guess it doesn't really matter.'
"Let's start with the bad news, I suppose," Sakura sighed.
If she wanted Inner Sakura to disappear by the time Shippuden rolled around, then Sakura really ought to stop talking to herself. Talking to oneself was one of the first signs of madness, after all…
'The bad news is that Hinata is exactly where they say she is,' said Inner Sakura. 'That's the real Hinata getting married to Omoi, but it's more of an engagement ceremony than anything else, really. Apparently, the Raikage is looking forward to exposing the network of Iwagakure spies hiding underground in the Land of Lightning using the power of the Byakugan…'
Sakura was somewhat surprised to learn that the Raikage would actually marry off the real Hinata to one of his most promising Genin. She had thought that he would marry a fake to Omoi just for appearances' sake, while keeping the real one behind the scenes as a baby factory. But apparently, the Hyūga brand was worth more than she'd previously thought…
'Now for the good news,' said Inner Sakura. 'The Kumo ANBU are still chasing after Neji, which means he's still alive— but it also means he won't be able to help with Hinata's rescue.'
Which meant that the best course of action was for Sakura to storm the shrine where the marriage was taking place to give Neji some breathing room, though that was easier said than done.
There was just one problem: how would Sakura sneak in? There would doubtlessly be many sensor-nin in attendance, not to mention two perfect Jinchūriki. Sakura wasn't certain if Kurama was the only Tailed Beast that could detect malice, but on the off chance that it was a power they all shared…
'Crashing a wedding is pretty malicious,' said Inner Sakura, who was now lounging languidly on her side in Sakura's mind. 'I could try to think happy thoughts to cover up your evil aura…'
"What about the Transformation Jutsu?" Sakura suddenly piped up. "I could turn as small as an ant, like in that Marvel movie I saw at the cinema…"
The Jutsu that Sakura had in mind was called the Sukunahikona, but since that technique required a certain Dōjutsu, she would have to stick with the Transformation Jutsu. There was one huge problem with this approach, however— the chakra expenditure would be enormous. When it came to shapeshifting of all things, the Law of Conversation of Mass reared its ugly head… for some reason. While it wasn't impossible to change one's size, dramatic changes would require exponential amounts of chakra to compensate.
'That won't work,' said Inner Sakura, shaking her head. 'Maybe try something a little bigger, like a dog?'
To perform the Temple of Nirvana Genjutsu, Sakura would require two things: prep time, and a direct line of sight between herself and her targets— her victims needed to see the Genjutsu feathers before they would fall unconscious. Sneaking into the shrine would be ideal, but if that wasn't possible, then maybe flushing out its occupants might work…
"6.55 KK," Sakura muttered to herself. "That's enough for five Kakashi-level Shadow Clones… they could smoke out the wedding party using fire-style. But then, how would they get close enough…?"
What would Kakashi do in her place? Sakura might have vastly surpassed him stamina-wise, but the Jōnin was still far above her level in combat tactics, movement speed and signing speed…
'I know what Naruto would do,' Inner Sakura sniggered. 'He'd swagger up to the entrance and shout, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto— believe it!'
"That's… that's not a bad idea, actually," said Sakura thoughtfully. "I want them, but they also want me— so why not have them come to me on their own?"
Why in the world did Sakura have to fight them on their terms? The Raikage might be completely shameless, but he was also extremely hot-headed and impulsive! Yes… perhaps something like that could work!
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
A second Sakura appeared in a plume of white smoke. She had been created after Sakura had devised her plan, so she already knew what to do! Together, Sakura and her Shadow Clone leapt down from their hiding place, and they approached the shrine where Hinata and Omoi were currently getting married as close as they dared.
"Manyuu Assassination Genjutsu: Breast Illusion!"
Working together, the pair of Sakura quickly and silently knocked out the Jōnin sentries, who had been tasked with watching over the shrine from their sniper's nest atop an egg-shaped building. Now that she had some breathing room, Sakura began building up her energies, kneading and infusing more chakra in one go than she had ever before…
"Temple of Nirvana Jutsu!"
A myriad pure white feathers began falling on the Hidden Cloud like snow, and with Sakura's Kurama clan Kekkei Genkai bolstering her efficiency, all who laid eyes on them immediately collapsed; plunged into a coma from which they wouldn't awaken any time soon. Genin, Chūnin, Jōnin, civilians— it didn't matter how much they tried cycling their chakra, anyone who had their eyes open in the vicinity of the shrine fell victim to nap time…
One by one, they dropped like flies, and those who had the presence of mind to close their eyes were rapidly forced unconscious by Sakura's Shadow Clone. And once she was the only one still standing, the Shadow Clone loudly announced…
"YOU WANTED ME, RAIKAGE? WELL, I'M RIGHT HERE! COME ON AND HAVE A GO AT ME, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HARD ENOUGH!!"
Sakura peered down at the shrine from her hiding place. Now, she only needed him to take the bait…