Sakura's eyes fluttered open. Judging by the soft light filtering through the window blinds and the fluffy pillow propped under her head, she had been rescued… But by whom?
'An unfamiliar ceiling…' Inner Sakura immediately piped up. 'We're alive!'
Indeed, Sakura was still alive— it was with no small amount of surprise that she noted that she had somehow managed to survive her first encounter with a member of the Akatsuki (who wasn't an undercover agent).
Still feeling slightly disorientated, Sakura tossed aside her bed covers and woozily attempted to sit up… and was shocked at the ease with which she managed to achieve this feat— with the heavy hangers on her chest, she ordinarily had to put some effort into shifting her torso into an upright position.
"Right," Sakura glumly said to herself, as her coma-induced mental haze gradually dissipated. "I threw everything away…"
For a moment back then, Sakura's pride had momentarily overtaken her better judgment, to the extent of sacrificing the beautiful breasts she'd so carefully cultivated. For someone who'd used to be a teenage boy just a few months ago, Sakura had always been excessively proud of her large bust…
'We had to fight,' Inner Sakura rationalized. 'Otherwise, Kakuzu would have just gone back to grab the others.'
"…the others!" Sakura couldn't help crying out.
Karin, Neji… and even Shino! What had happened to them!?
A boy's plaintive grunt shattered the quiet stillness of the hospital ward— Sakura's head swivelled towards the source of the noise, and she found that it had originated from a sleeping boy in an orange-coloured jumpsuit, slumped in a chair next to her bed.
"Ngh…" Naruto snored, stirring fitfully in his sleep due to Sakura's outburst. "Ramen…"
From his unkempt appearance, Naruto had doubtlessly spent the night watching over her— and judging from the mountain of empty cup ramen containers littering her bedside table, he'd likely spent more than just the one night!
…And judging by the dirty footprints leading up the wall and to the ceiling, he'd been evading the hospital staff to stay by her side, even past visiting hours!
"…Sakura?" Naruto mumbled, as he opened one bleary eye. "You're awake, ya know!"
Without warning, Naruto lunged at Sakura and hugged her— but instead of being met with two fluffy pillows, he was met with the harsh reality of hard, bony ribcage.
"How long was I out?" Sakura wheezed, pushing Naruto's head away. "Do you know what happened to Karin and Shino and Neji?"
"It's been three days… I think?" said Naruto, counting the days on his fingers. "I dunno about Karin, but I heard Shino got badly hurt— Granny Tsunade spent a lot of time on him. Oh, and here— I got you this. Ya gotta be hungry after all this time sleeping, right?"
Naruto leaned over in his chair and grabbed an unopened cup ramen from Sakura's bedside table, which he then handed over to her. Sakura inspected the label, which read: Deluxe Salt Ramen (298 ryō). If someone ever claimed the bounty on her head, they would be able to afford around two hundred and thirty-five thousand of this expensive cup ramen variety!
"Er… thanks, Naruto," said Sakura, who wasn't one to reject free food. "But I'm not sure cup ramen's right for someone who's still in the hospital…"
"You're right! How could I forget the hot water!" Naruto exclaimed, slapping his forehead. "Just hang on a sec, I'll go get some…"
Naruto snatched the deluxe cup ramen out of her hands, nearly barrelling into Kakashi as he sprinted through the doorway and disappeared around the corner.
"Never does sit still, does he?" Kakashi commented. He then gave the door a symbolic knock, before entering the room, adding, "How are you feeling, Sakura?"
"Okay, I suppose," said Sakura. "Kakashi-sensei, do you know what happened to the mission?"
Kakashi's visible eye softened, and Sakura immediately knew that her teammates had failed.
"So, Neji got away after all, huh?" said Sakura despondently.
"Your friends put up a good fight," said Kakashi. "I've heard a few things about those men dressed in those black-and-red cloud-print robes— the Akatsuki— from Jiraiya-sama. You're all lucky to still be alive."
Kakashi then recounted what he'd heard from Karin:
Shino, the absolute menace that he was, had nearly managed to solo Hidan by having his insects devour him down to the bone, but Hidan's immortality had taken him by surprise. Not expecting a skeleton to rise from the dead and sneak attack him, Shino had let his guard down, and if it hadn't been for Karin's timely warning, he would have got chopped in half…
"A walking, talking, skeleton man?" said Sakura in disbelief. "You can't be serious…"
Then again, if Hidan could still speak with his head separated from his body and without access to his lungs, then anything was possible!
"By the way," said Sakura hopefully, glancing around the room furtively, "did Sasuke come to visit me, by any chance…?"
"His own mission under Shikamaru failed as well," said Kakashi drily. "He's immersed himself in his training, and he hasn't stopped since his return…"
Without getting into too many details, Kakashi explained what had happened to the Rinnegan Retrieval Team, who had gone after the Sound Four:
Lightly injured: Nara Shikamaru, Rock Lee
Heavily injured: Akimichi Chōji, Akamaru the dog, Inuzuka Kiba
Pride crushed: Uchiha Sasuke
Mission Status: Failure
Sakura shuddered at the thought of an Orochimaru in possession of a pair of Rinnegan that could basically predict the future…
"On that note, let's move on to the next matter at hand," said Kakashi. "Sakura, would you mind recounting what exactly happened to you?"
"Yeah, that's what I wanted to ask too!" shouted Naruto, as he walked through the doorway with Sakura's piping-hot cup ramen in hand. "A Sakura without huge boobs isn't Sakura at all!"
Sakura glared at Naruto— if he had dared to speak to the original Sakura this way, he would have got smacked upside the head! If only he knew this was the original's natural state…
"Naruto, that's no way to speak to a lady," said Kakashi disapprovingly, before looking in Sakura's direction. "…though I would like to hear about that as well—" He coughed lightly. "—ahem, for the mission report… naturally."
What else could be said, apart from: as expected of the village's number one closet pervert?
"Naturally," said Sakura, unconvinced.
Incidentally, Neji, Ebisu and Iruka were number two, three and four on the list of Konoha's closeted perverts, respectively! While they weren't as true to their desires as the openly perverted Jiraiya, they weren't far behind on the hentai-scale!
Though now that Neji had gone rogue, the two instructors would get bumped up in the rankings…
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In the manga, this is pretty much where the time skip would start, but in the anime, we still get a lot more filler— though some are more interesting than others.
So, poll time: which arcs would you like to see adapted?
Kurosuki Family Removal Mission
Stuck-Together-With-Glue (lol)
Movie 2: Stone of Gelel (this one is necessary for future Sage Mode power-ups)
Kaima Capture Mission
Movie 3: Guardians of the Crescent Moon Kingdom
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Then, we'll enter time skip territory, with a few training with Tsunade chapters, in which Sakura will consolidate her foundations.
This arc will conclude with the Chūnin Exams round 2 for Naruto and Sasuke— and since the exams are done in teams of 3, Sakura will naturally return to help them rank up, and there's a chance she'll become a Jōnin as well!
If there are any arcs you feel would be worth seeing, feel free to suggest them.
And if you think filler is evil and we should skip straight to Shippūden, you can comment that as well!