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Chapter 2: ♫Happy Birthday♫? by Harem-Fan
[Wake! Wake up! If you don't wake up, I am going to K~Kiss you~!]
This blasted noise is killing me... wait?!
"I know this stupid alarm sound.. It is Issei's damn alarm clock! No, No, No, just please let this be a joke!"
Tap! I reach up and slam the off-switch, which I have weirdly done in muscle memory...
Okay, now I can think a bit.
"Fuck me sideways, I really am reincarnated as that bastard, Issei!"
A moment of silence later, and maybe a tear or two, and a yell from downstairs breaks me from my self loathing.
"Matsuda, are you up there watching porn again, get up?!"
Then her voice softened a bit...
"Your worthless Father left to open the bookstore, and I'm going to work! Your breakfast is in the fridge... Um, Wash your hands first before grabbing it, fufu!"
Wait, I clearly heard her laughing at that!
"And honey, mow the damn lawn before your two idiot friends show up, you leave the house, or I will tell that fat girl down the street you have a crush on her! Haha~"
Holy crap, that's my mom!
All right, let me take stock of my situation...
Okay, no painful headache recalling all my memories... That fan-fiction trope is out the window.
Next, it looks like I'm Matsuda Tanaka and not Issei Hyoudou. Damn, I kinda feel like I got the short end of the stick all of a sudden.
"That fucker will get with all the best girls in this world. sigh."
Back on track... Let's look at the bright side, I don't have to get involved in all that plot-nonsense, and can just chill like a normal Human...
"Wait, I just did that in my past life!"
I was a loyal one woman house husband, to a wonderful Philippine woman, but damn I can't remember her name, that bites.
Lets see, I had a really nice daughter, most everything was average, and I couldn't really complain at all.
"Hmm, Did I die from COVID or Truck-kun? I guess that's a good memory to not have."
Lets see, my Earth zero life skills were pretty normal I guess.
I went to high school in the State's, skipped college... Nope. I was not a rocket-scientist or super expert at all.
Well there were 2 things I was good at.
The 1st thing was cooking, I used to own a pizza restaurant for a time. Those were the days, and yet I can't recall its name, damn.
Well the other thing I was good at was, I had a black-belt in 2 styles of martial arts, Karate and Jujitsu.
"That might come in handy a bit, but in a world full of the supernatural, it might not be much at all... sigh."
Tanaka Matsuda, in my new native Japanese language, is and always was me!
"Well I was just a side mob character in that anime, Highschool D×D... I'm sad again."
Anyway, I watched a few seasons of Highschool D×D, too many times.
I was an anime and fan-fiction whore... But the worst part is, I hadn't seen that anime in like 25 years, due to my age!
And all of that damn useless fan-fiction has made me confused about what is real and fake information.
"Damn, I must have had some issues with my brain back then."
Anyway let's take stock of what I have done over the past years...
"Oh~shit, it is my birthday today, and I'm now an adult in D×D, for all purposes."
"Shit... Mom totally forgot my birthday... I'm not disappointed, nope, not one bit, what a sad start."
I digress... So I'm very athletic for a guy my age, and have proudly taken my middle school baseball team to the local championships!
"That's right, praise me more, cough! And I killed it on track at school."
Well I tried so hard to be the best in school sports, so I could impress the ladies!
Sadly, I acted like too much of a pervert and hung out with those two ass-hats...
No wonder I was doomed to fail.
"That's okay though, none of those little girls in middle school would have had a serious interest in this new and improved, Great Me!"
Well there was one girl in my new memory that is going to go to Kuoh Academy...
"Yup, super pervert cosplayer, Aika Kiryuu."
Oddly enough, she lives right across the street from my home, on the other block.
We are like cats and dogs though... That was definitely my fault.
I caught Aika doing cosplay in the past, and called her ugly...
"Ya, I want to slap past-me real good, sigh."
Okay, time to roll my lazy ass out of bed and clean up for the day...
I looked around my normal modern room in Japanese standards, and took stock...
Comfy bed, desk with a computer for school...
"Who am I kidding, my past-self has sooooo much porn on it, it takes 5 minutes just for the damn thing to boot up."
I got a hamper next to my closet, full of sports clothing.
"Looks like I haven't gotten my Kuoh Academy school uniform yet though?"
Whatever, now to the bookshelllllllllllfffffff?!
"Oh, My goodness! I can't believe I have this much porn!"
This has all got to go!
You would think, why would my family let me have this abomination of DVDs?
Well my dad owns an adult book store. He is a mega-perv.
"Sorry Dad, your son is going to be a gentleman... mostly."
Alright, and next to the bed is that damn animated alarm clock...
"On second thought... I like that, it stays!"
My eyes move to the trash-bin... and I want to die!
What has the past me been doing on his vacation?! Investing in the tissue paper company?!
"Okay, before I mow any damn lawn, eat, or come up with a plan to kill Issei, 'just kidding', I need to clean up this biohazard room. A bottle of bleach will do, right?"
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