I lifted my arm to push the pod hatch open, only for my shoulder to pop and crunch like cereal, I think it was about time I take a small break until that girl Hailie came back online.
I could easily find another sucker to be my Cleric, but that would mean betraying and abandoning this girl after we made a promise (albeit, she was dumb, but there was a chance she could catch on). Worse, Eirlys might take that personally.
I crawled out of where I lay, not bothering to close the pod as I dragged my half-naked self across the floor with one sock on and a bra hanging off a finger. The room smelled like sweat, trash, and something vaguely metallic, could be blood, my own... Probably?
"Don’t step on the bag. Don’t step on the..."
My foot sank into a half-inflated trash bag full of used tissues, yes, that kind of tissue. The sheer squelch of that was enough to remind me that no, I did not, in fact, have my life together.
"When is trash day again?"
I lost track of time quite easily these days.
Limping toward the bed, I passed:
A box of melted cream puffs.
Two long, cylindrical objects, a comfort one and a daring one. I mostly used the daring one after I’ve gotten accustomed to the sensation.
And a NEET-ass wall plastered with Darkmoon Adventure concept art and promotional standees, as well as illustrations of hot 2D girls that resonated with my needs. Don’t tell the artist, though... I didn’t ask all of them for permission to print and hang.
Then, the hunger hit.
Finally my organ just remembered food was a thing. I’ve gotten through many different kinds of diet to minimize time needed to eat, I once reached around 80 kilograms, most I’ve ever been, just so that I didn’t need to eat for a week straight during an event that increased loot drop chances.
The amount of bottles I accumilated during that time was... Probably a world record. The rightful source is novel✦fire.net
Still, currently I am underweight and need to push food into my mouth.
I detoured to the kitchen corner, a.k.a. the part of the apartment not covered in sweats or trashbags.
Inside the fridge was...One half-drunk bottle of off-brand cola. Three ketchup packets, less than I thought. A half-melted ice cream sandwich from sometime last August. Finally, a tupperware box that god told me not to open.
I slammed the door shut with my hip and turned to the stack of instant noodles sitting on top of my PC.
"O great messiah of quick and easy calories..."
I peeled the lid of one halfway, and poured boiling water from the old electric kettle. The kettle had brown burn marks on the side and probably wasn’t up to code, but I think it’ll be fine.
While it soaked, I opened the bottom drawer of my desk and pulled out my "emergency snack bin." I popped open a bag of shrimp chips and chewed mechanically while waiting, half-seated on a crate of tangled charging cables and anime magazines.
Ten minutes later, I was sitting cross-legged on the floor, slurping my noodles with the etiquette of a sewer rat.
"Ah..." I moaned in bliss.
Lukewarm, over-salted, vaguely chemical heaven.
After gulping down the last drops of broth off the plastic lid like it was Eirlys’ juices, I crawled over to my mattress, technically its name, despite its horrid state.
I flopped onto it face-first, breathing in the distinct scent of expired shampoo, electrical burn, and pseduo-depression.
"Urawaghhwhhhhhhhhhhh." I groaned.
After a few moments of soaking in the silence, I dug between the bed and wall and retrieved my cracked phone from under that sock and a crumpled receipt for three chicken sandwiches. I thumbed it on and opened Darkmoon Adventure’s Forum.
There was a thread that was on Trending, and it read.
[I Gave The All-Time Top 50 Players Nicknames]
I’ve personally interacted with all the top 50 players worldwide. After all, we were the best and the only one that got early access, and clashed like hundred of times in the PC version. So this was going to be funny to see, what nickname did they get, especially, what yours truly got.
I’m the #3 best player ever, mind you.
I clicked, then did a quick glance from top to bottom, before scrolling back up to read more carefully.
#1 – Unnamed Monarch (Username: DarkHeavens)
#2 – Architect of Hope (Username: SeeOh)
#3 – The Primordial Sins (Username: CJS69)
#4 – Ministry of Agony (Username:...)
#5 – The Method Actor (...)
#6 – He Who Burned $20M
#8 – Capitalistic Devil
#9 – The Roots of Bloodshed
#10 – Shield of Mankind
#11 – The Encyclopedia
#13 – The Greatest Player
#18 – Potion Anarchist
#20 – Heavy Loudmouth
#23 – Silent War Criminal
#24 – 42 Supports In One
#26 – Father Of The Forge
#29 – Nuclear Scientist
#30 – Slips Into Gold
#31 – The Cat Is Out There
#34 – Absolute Assassin
#35 – Chrome Dome Home
#36 – Celestial Composer
#37 – Barbaristic Barbaric Barbarian
#39 – Unstoppable Farmer
#41 – THE Spellcaster
#42 – Last Man Standing
#43 – The King’s Consort
#44 – Minimalistic Shooter
#46 – Destiny Bound Handler
#50 – Left Half Of A Winner
I paused, squinting at my nickname given by this random guy online.
#3 – The Primordial Sins
A plural "Sins", what the hell does that even mean?
I gave him a comment,
[L post, you got lazy 20 names in, though, good job pointing out #47 was a leech. Also, like I mentioned, we should really stop voting for #15 considering he’s not even that good of a player.]
Time to doomscroll, until the next time Hailie’s online.