I don’t even remember which drink number we were on when we were talking loudly and breathing out wheat air.
Three? Four? It didn’t matter, the froth blurred together, and the bartender girl had stopped even pretending to understand us, thank god Tower of Babel for hiding our sins.
She began sliding mugs our way and went back to polishing the same glass over and over.
"Alright, lass," Gimsen said, raising his mug toward me with that half-smile of his. "Ye said ye’d tell me everything. I’m listening."
"Everything?" I hiccuped, lifting my mug and almost spilling it. "Fine, you asked for it." I leaned in over the table, words sloshing out like the ale. "So, first off... I met Hailie in the Poison Dragon’s cave. Don’t ask me what I’m doing in there, if I tell ya, I might have to kill yaaaaaaa~"
"The little lass with the white hair?" he asked.
"Yeah... yeah... Huh???" I was shaken a bit, "You met her?"
"I heard about her when asking around when yer weren’t online, cute girl, they said."
"Yeah... Sweet girl, too sweet. Anyway, I killed her."
He stopped mid-drink, eyebrows jumping.
"I didn’t mean any- God, it wasn’t personal, okay? I didn’t know she was... burp, anyways, she turned out to be Hailie Sonder. The daughter of, you know, of the man who made the damn game Founder of Sonder Interactive."
"Och," Gimsen sat back in his chair, frowning. "Sounds to me ye done stirrin’ up a hornet’s nest"
"Don’t ’och’ me, I’m not finished,"
I cut him off, stabbing a finger in his direction.
"Because then her big sister, Eirlys? God even the name is pretentious... Anyways, she shows up, corners me, and basically says, ’Hey, I know what you did, so work for me or else.’"
"It’s blackmail, uncle. Except not fully, because I kinda agreed as long as she doesn’t perm ban me for all the death threats and bugs I’ve been causing for the game over all those years... So anyways, long story short, I report bugs and exploits to her, and in return I don’t get stabbed in my sleep. Plus, free housing and meals at their mansion. Three square meals a day, can you imagine? All because I said I wanted to look after Hailie, she’s too bloody innocent, unc! Someone’s oughta."
He rubbed his beard, the lines around his eyes deepening.
"And ye just... trusted her with that?"
"Do I look like I had choices?" I snapped, then groaned, slumping forward. "Anyway, then Ann came back into the picture... My old friend, ya know Ann, right? The Giantess? Underground prostitution ring? We needed asylum stayed at her cabin, she got this one in the woods, probably built it by hand."
"Sorry lass are we still talking ’bout the game or real life?"
"Where was I... Ah, Ann’s cabin, and that’s where we ran into... her."
Fucking hell, how to explain this, I thought.
"I’m going to hold your hand when I say this... Uncle Gimsen... She’s female in real life, but can use a male avatar in VR."
His face was all confusion, every muscle curled.
"We talked a bit and hit it off... She was kinda an anarchist and talk weirdly but that’s not what matters."
I stood up for a second to stretch, letting all the alcohol process properly in the my stomach.
"Then guess what... I asked her to add me in game, and guess her username."
Gimsen struggled with my demand, so he just started naming random usernames that we know, that included the top players like "DarkHeavens" "SeeOh" but I just shook my head.
"Her username was CJS69."
"Great golly!" He exclaimed dramatically.
"YES, EXACTLY!" I exclaimed back, dramatically-er, "Great god damn golly, jolly rochers, god damn poachers, unthinkable shits innit, my username squatter is here, then he, or she, logged off." Read complete version only at novęlfire.net
"What’s next?" He asked.
"Then I messaged Ann about it, she gave me the phone number, and a woman picks up... It was the username squatter. Tanya, I later learned." I slapped my palm on the table. "Turns out she lives three floors down from me. In my bloody apartment building, what are the odds? I even caught her by accident on the bus while she was out buying groceries."
He let out a low whistle. "That’s a hell of a coincidence."
"No kidding! But it gets worse... We got caught in a bus robbery. She just... stood there. Letting me take the hit, she knew the gun wasn’t loaded, Gimsen, that god damn woman knew it, and she just let me bleed for it. Then she followed me, saying that she wanted to, quote, escort a little kid back home safe, end quote, like, how ridiculous is that??? I didn’t know she was the woman on the phone then."
His mug froze halfway to his lips, "So you went back to her apartment, not knowing that you’re leading the owner back to hers place? This is making little whiff of sense to me, girl."
"Yeah. And when I tried to confront her about stealing my name, about using CJS69 like some cheap disguise, it blew up. I yelled, I cursed at her, and then she..." I trailed off, making a crude gesture with my hand. "It turned into that... And don’t give me that look. I’m telling you straight, she fucked me silly, and I didn’t even fight back."
The color drained from his face. "Lass... I didn’t need to hear that"
"What? You wanted honesty, you got it." I swigged the rest of my drink and slammed it down. "That’s what happened. Every bit of it."
For a long moment, Gimsen just stared at me, his Nordic accent thick when he finally muttered, "Gods above, Cory... ye don’t half find yourself in the worst places."
I turned to him, eyes locked.
And I just started snickering, chuckling, giggling, then bursted out laughing my ass off. And honestly, looking back? I didn’t understand why... At all.