It was a situation where Finn could do nothing… like literally nothing. He was bleeding out, and in front of him stood a dozen of military fuckers, aiming at him… that was not even a single chance to shoot one… nah, he was fucked, and well, he knew it pretty much as he smiled… a big smile that wasn't that much of that demonic one, that signature smile…no it was the smile of that acceptance that he truly going to die… not by bleeding out in peace but riddled with bullets. New ɴᴏᴠᴇʟ ᴄhapters are published on novel✦fire.net
What a gangster way to go out.
"You are Finn, right?" One of the men asked, but he didn't even hear it that much, the question just went past him, or more like didn't even reach him as his vision now slowly blacked out and he fell to his knees.
I thought I really accepted it… dying… then why the fuck do I want to live.
It felt like life was playing a joke on him… he was hundred percent sure that he did not care about death, that he could die any day and be right with it… but now his body fought to live… his soul fought to… he wanted to reach out for something… or more like something was pulling him up to his feet…
Something invisible… something powerful… something that he knew all along.
Everybody in the world fears death… and even those who deny it, those whose lives were terrible, lives that turned them into monsters, or those who were born monsters… when the time comes, when they're bleeding out… all of them have memories, flashbacks that, out of nowhere, scream at them to live. Out of nowhere, they want to live.
And for Finn, that little grain-size thing was… his little sisters… the little sister that he actually never had.
His life was just sheer agony, sheer terror, and he dealt with all of this with imaginary sisters.
Yeah… Finn was an only child in his family, never had siblings… no, he never, he just made them up to protect himself. The one that was sexually assaulted by his own father, own mother, was him. The one that screamed, that begged, that just wanted to be loved… it was him all along… for 5 straight years… it was him, and it was also him who had created them.
Not little sisters but older sisters.. he created them from the fractures of his own soul just to survive. Every scream that tore through the night, every desperate plea for care that went unheard… it had been him all along. Five years straight, living in the echo of himself, hiding behind older sisters he could hold in his mind but never in reality.
And now, bleeding, broken, staring death in the face, the older sisters weren't just an invention anymore. They were the raw, burning truth of him, the part he could not deny, the wound that refused to close. They clawed at him, screamed at him, begged him to hold on… and in that impossible moment, Finn realized the full weight of the self he had hidden for so long. It was him.
He didn't just deal trauma, no… trauma became him, trauma that twisted his reality, twisted his mind, and created something he could use to shield himself. His mind created older sisters, sisters that shielded him, confronted him, talked to him at nights… but one thing was true in his horrifying life… in his story.
Finn killed his parents, and ate their hearts, when his "older sisters" one day disappeared from his head. That was the day he turned into a monster.
And he lied to everybody about it, because that was his protection. That was his weakness, that he had been abused, terrorized by his own parents… he shielded himself from one horrific story with an even more horrific one.
That's what happens when you are truly broken… when you are shattered into pieces and not capable of facing it, not capable of telling anyone, not capable of dealing with it.
This is why James' single word hit him…one word. Live… and it was truly special to him for one single reason.
He lied to James too that night… but something was very different about it, because it felt like to him that James knew he was lying. A lie that was just outrageous.… but James, with that one word, sounded like he knew the truth, accepted the truth… and wanted Finn to live… Finn that, in all his life, just wanted to die.
That's why he never feared death… until James gave him a reason to fear it.
In Finn's mind, James was the one who understood him, and didn't look at him differently, wasn't terrified… no, he was alright with it, and embraced him… yeah, James hugged him too, hugged him while saying the word.
For Finn, it was everything he needed, everything he wanted in life.
But there was more… of course, there was more… because James is James and when he is drunk, misunderstandings come one after another.
He hugged Finn because he couldn't balance and fell into him… and the second he said, "I love you, Finn. Never change for anybody. Bloom like a flower."
Was it cringe? Embarrassing? A little gay?
It was, yes, and second James said it because he didn't hear half of the story, didn't even pay attention to it, but what he saw on Finn's face was that he was sad, maybe depressed… so he said what he said… and with it, he didn't just tame another beast. No, for the first time in his life, Finn became… the real Finn.
And now, bleeding out, reaching his hand toward the sky, as the darkness swallowed him… James' words echoed in his head… his imaginary older sisters stood in front of him… and slowly, they faded away…
Finn Orvich, member of the Bellini family, has—
"Darvik sent us Finn… we're here for you!" The same voice came, now with power behind it.
Though the words didn't mean anything to him… he didn't even hear them clearly… who is who, what is what… but he felt his wound being pressed down… he felt the stabs in his arm… he felt all of it… and then the darkness truly swallowed him.
He lost consciousness, but his story didn't end.
Please read the author's notes.