...Please don’t kiss me now.
Tang Li blurted out the phrase without thinking, followed by a belated embarrassment, as her palm resting on Song Baiyan’s mouth felt the slightly prickly stubble on his chin, her fingers curling slightly, somewhat betraying her current awkwardness.
This awkwardness came from her "wishful thinking" a second ago.
Just like what the Buddhist scriptures say—
The appearances come from the mind.
What’s on your mind, that’s what you will see.
She thought Song Baiyan was going to kiss her, but it was just her "feeling"; maybe... also because it was the first time a man held her waist , as if the hormones in her body rushed to the brain, leading to some kind of mistaken cognition.
In her previous life, even though she married and shared a bed with Han Jifeng for a few years, they did not develop a deeper relationship beyond sharing the bedding.
When she first married Han Jifeng, she had some expectations.
Especially on the night they got their marriage certificate, as she sat on the bed after her bath, both shy and nervous, her mind had already sketched out their life after having children.
On a winter evening, they could take their child to the supermarket, and afterwards, each holding one of the child’s small hands, watching the child non-stop trampling the snow on the roadside while playing, and Han Jifeng would be carrying a shopping bag filled with groceries.
It might be mundane, yet it was the happiness of a gentle and enduring stream.
After returning home, she would go to the kitchen to cook, and Han Jifeng would take the child to wash their hands, then the father and son/daughter would join Qin Yueru in the living room to watch TV.
When Han Jifeng came out from behind the shower’s door, until he lifted the quilt and got into bed, all he said to her were two words: "Sleep now."
After saying that, he lay down to rest first.
Looking at the figure with his back to her, she felt an indescribable sense of emptiness in her heart, an emptiness unrelated to affection, just that the faint joy of new marriage became like self-entertainment in the deep of the night.
Throughout their few years of marriage, she and Han Jifeng were always polite to each other.
On regular days, unless necessary, they wouldn’t even hold hands.
During those years in the Lai Family, insecurity was deeply etched into her character. With Han Jifeng’s indifference in marital life, she dared not take the initiative to do anything for fear of displeasing him.
Lying next to Han Jifeng late at night, she even thought it was quite nice; even without children, they could still support each other as they aged.
In her eyes, when she married into the Han family, regardless of whether it was Han Jifeng or Qin Yueru, they had already become her own family.
After Tang Yin’s death, she found another place of peace in her heart.
She never thought that in the end, it would be Han Jifeng who would put an end to that marriage as plain as water.
He wasn’t impotent; he just couldn’t with her.
Past events suddenly crammed into her brain, and Tang Li’s mood was affected. With an impassive withdrawal of her hand, she did not look into Song Baiyan’s eyes and straightforwardly said, "I was just joking with you, don’t take it seriously."
Song Baiyan replied softly, "Is this how you joke?"
Hearing this, Tang Li instantly attributed the remark as the "teaching" of an elder to herself.
...Silence began to linger between them.
Tang Li could sense that Song Baiyan’s gaze was still quietly resting on her face. Just as she tried to find a topic to say something, Song Baiyan raised his hand and plucked a locust leaf from her hair.
The man’s rough palm gently pressed against the skin of her face, and Tang Li felt the broad warmth.
The icy cold at the bottom of her heart suddenly showed signs of melting.