Ellen’s chest felt squeezed, making it hard to breathe. Each breath became a battle, the air in the bus thick and heavy like it was slowly pressing in on her.
Her thoughts spun out of control, flashing between the present and the past, between the bus she was on now and the wreckage of the one from before. She had told herself she was okay with everything, that she could move on from the accident that had brought her here, to this world. She hadn’t expected the fear to rise so quickly, to choke her like this.
I thought I was fine.
The thought hit her with a pang of frustration.
I thought I could handle it.
But clearly, she wasn’t as fine as she had convinced herself to be. This was her first time on a bus since the accident. She realized it now, how naive she had been. She had never thought this small detail could trigger so much fear.
Ellen’s hands trembled, her body frozen as the world around her blurred into background noise. People shuffled down the aisle, chatting, oblivious to her struggle. The rumble of the bus, the faint smell of exhaust, the chatter—it all felt too overwhelming.
Then, through the fog of her panic, she heard Mason’s voice. His deep, calm voice cut through the noise, grounding her just enough to pull her from the spiral. "Ellen?"
She didn’t move at first, too lost in her own head to react. But Mason’s voice came again, closer this time, quieter. "Ellen, are you okay?"
Finally, she forced herself to look up. Her vision cleared enough to see his face. Mason was leaning in, his brow furrowed with concern, his usual aloof expression softened by something unfamiliar—worry. For her. Ellen tried to summon a smile, something to reassure him, but it faltered before it even reached her lips.
"I’m fine," she said, but even to her own ears, the words sounded hollow.
Mason’s eyes narrowed slightly, clearly not buying it. He kept his gaze locked on her. "You sure?" His voice was soft but firm, the concern still there.
Ellen nodded slowly, but it took a second for her to gather the strength to do even that. Her body felt heavy, weighed down by the panic that still clung to her like a thick fog. "Yeah," she murmured, though her voice lacked conviction.
Mason didn’t say anything for a moment, but Ellen could feel his eyes on her, watching her closely. She expected him to take her word for it and lead her to a seat, but instead, he did something that surprised her.
Without a word, Mason gently grabbed her arm and began to guide her toward the front of the bus. Ellen blinked, her mind still catching up to what was happening. At first, she thought he was just leading her to their seat, but when they bypassed the row of seats altogether, her confusion deepened.
"Mason?" she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. But he didn’t answer. He just kept walking, his grip on her arm firm yet gentle. Before she knew it, they had reached the bus doors, and in a smooth, silent motion, Mason led her out into the open air.
The moment they stepped off the bus and onto the sidewalk, Ellen felt the tension in her chest begin to ease. The air was cooler out here, the wide-open street giving her more space to breathe. Her heart was still racing, but it no longer felt like the world was closing in on her.
Mason stopped a few paces away from the bus, his hands finally letting go of her arm as he turned to face her. The bus drove off, disappearing into the city traffic, but Mason’s focus was entirely on Ellen. His jaw was clenched, but his eyes remained soft, studying her as if he was trying to figure out what was going on.
"Ellen," he started, his voice calm but with a hint of frustration, "you’re clearly not okay."
Ellen could only stand there, the weight of his words sinking in. She opened her mouth to protest, to tell him she was fine again, but no words came out. Instead, she just stood in silence, feeling exposed, as if Mason could see right through her. The cool breeze ruffled her hair, a stark contrast to the suffocating heat she had felt just moments ago on the bus.
Mason sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We should go home," he said quietly, his tone more resigned now.
But before he could turn to leave, Ellen reached out, grabbing his arm. "No," she said quickly, her voice more firm than she expected. "No, we can’t go home." Her grip on his arm tightened, her heart racing for a different reason now.
It hadn’t been easy to convince him, and now, here she was, on the verge of ruining everything because of her own unexpected fear. The weight of the situation pressed down on her as she realized how much this moment meant. This wasn’t just a casual outing to her—it was a chance, maybe the only chance, for something more. If they went back now, if she let her anxiety derail the day, who knew if Mason would ever agree to something like this again?
"Please," Ellen cut him off, her voice barely more than a whisper now. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading. "I just... I don’t want this to be over before it even starts. I need this."
Mason stared at her for a long moment, his arms crossed again. He seemed to be weighing his options, his eyes scanning her face as if searching for something. Finally, he sighed, the tension in his posture easing just a little. "Alright," he said, his voice soft but firm. "But you’ll let me know if you’re not okay?"
Ellen nodded, relief washing over her like a wave. "Okay," she whispered, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.
I’m okay. I need to be okay.