"So what do you want to do, Guiying?"
Inside the Chief Editor's office of Dream High, Guiying faced Yating with the question of the future of her writing career. Zhan Yahui was no more and so the spot of her editor's position was vacant. But before Yating began any process to assign a different, new editor for her, he wanted to have Guiying's opinion.
A state of conundrum occupied her heart. "I don't know." Thɪs chapter is updated by NoveI-Fire.ɴet
Yating pressed his lips, his gaze sympathetic. He understood the closeness Guiying and Zhan Yahui shared and thus the conversation of her writing future was always going to be difficult when Zhan Yahui wasn't going to be there anymore.
"You can take your time considering it. There is no hurry. In fact, you are free to take a break and just focus on your personal life if you wish. I know a lot has happened and you need time to process it…" he leaned back on his chair, sighing.
Guiying lowered her gaze. To replace Zhan Yahui's place as her editor felt almost as a crime to her. She thought about working with a new editor, but she just failed to picture it.
"Please give me some time."
He smiled. "Of course."
Guiying then asked, "What will happen to Zhan Yahui's office?"
"For now, we are keeping it as it is. I don't wish to empty her stuff so soon like…we are kicking her out. But eventually…"
"Of course. You don't have to ask."
Guiying stood in front of Zhan Yahui's office, staring at the door with an unreadable expression. A few of the staff members passed behind her, giving her pitiful looks.
"What will happen with her now?"
"Ever since the Summit, it seems she has reached a kind of a rock bottom, right?"
"Poor her. Now Zhan Yahui isn't there either. I don't know how she will manage."
"I pity her. They were so close."
"She could have reached far."
"It doesn't look like she could write anytime soon. Writers are really sensitive people."
"Another writer could replace her as the star of the Dream High anytime."
The hushed whispers reached Guiying's ears. But her gaze was fixed at the door knob that she held. If she turned to face those hushed whispers, she would see the pity in their gazes. Sympathy for a fallen star.
It wasn't those hopeless words that hurt her. It was the fact that there wouldn't be Zhan Yahui anymore to fight them off. To sneer and mock at that knife-cutting sympathy.
"Pity is for weaklings. You don't aim for people to pity you but to be envious of you so that they are incapable of spitting such nonsense. You know what stabs people the most?"
Guiying felt as if she could hear Zhan Yahui's voice, speaking those same words to her and laughing that same evil chuckle.
"Success of others. And pity from a successful person feels like poison."
Guiying gasped and covered her left ear with her palm, stumbling a step back. She stared at the empty space ahead with a sense of disorientation gripping her.
What was that…It felt like…she spoke into my ear just now…
Slightly breathless, she supported herself against the wall. A few people passing her gave her odd looks.
"Zhan Yahui's death seems to have taken a toll on her. She seems so lost."
"Yeah she is really piti-Brrr!" The woman hugged herself. "It suddenly felt chilly."
The woman accompanying her, gulped. "Maybe it's the aura around this place. After all, Zhan Yahui used to work here and now she is dead."
"W-We should steer far away from this place…"
The duo hastily scurried away, leaving Guiying to herself. She softly slapped herself on her cheeks, waking herself up and exhaling a breath out. She gathered the courage to push the door and step inside.
She looked across the interiors with a musky scent twitching her nostrils. There were traces of slight dust formed on the desk. She called somebody from the cleaning staff and asked for a mop and a duster.
"Mam, I will clean this room. Chief Gu has also asked to maintain the office."
Guiying smiled. "I know. But I would like to do it myself."
After getting the tools, she closed the door and began to methodically clean the office. Twenty minutes later, she softly collapsed on the chair, exhausted. Staring at the seat in front of her on which Zhan Yahui used to sit and read her drafts filled her heart with a plethora of inexplicable emotions.
Zhan Yahui wasn't a person to carry much stuff around. There were only a few books and diaries inside the table drawers, her favorite phantom design pen stand which always spooked the hell out of Guiying and some change of her clothes since there were many times she stayed overnight in Dream High.
Guiying struggled to smile as she held the pen stand. This time, the familiar fear didn't grip her over which Zhan Yahui used to laugh at her.
"Are you afraid of scary stuff that much?"
"Your pale face tells a different story," she sneered. "Such a coward. Get used to it. There are scary things all around us. The real winner is the one who steps and tramples upon those ghosts threatening to eat you."
"We…c-cannot really step on a ghost…"
Zhan Yahui shut her eyes with lament. "You are supposed to be a writer but you severely lack imagination, don't you?"
Even at present, Guiying felt her face flush with embarrassment once again like that time.
That was so stupid of me to talk so literally…
Guiying looked at the pen stand with a wry smile.
She used to love this so much.
She kept it back and walked around the table, opening the drawers. There were books and diaries with a lot of colorful sticky notes bookmarking different pages. She lifted one book and flipped through the pages.
Guiying trembled as she read the contents, tears brimming her eyes. The notes held all pointers about Guiying's improving areas in her writing skills and unreadable sketches of her plot outlines. The pages looked a mess with one arrow pointing from top to down and then many other words crisscrossing the already written words.
Holding the notes in her hand, Guiying could feel the effort and the sleepless nights Zhan Yahui would have put into polishing Guiying's books. She might have wanted Guiying to rise as a star for her own selfish motives, yet the scent of the pressed ink in those pages enveloped her heart with warmth as if they told a different story too.
"Not all of this…was just to use me, right? Somewhere…somewhere you genuinely wanted me to become a good author, didn't you?"
Tears plopped on the pages, her shoulders quivering as she sobbed silently.
"You were a terrible person Zhan Yahui. But I don't why I still…miss you."