"Did anyone ever find out?" Inez asked.
"No, I moved away before that could happen. I was just too tired of being constantly judged and the elders of the pack running to my home every time Lyra returned home with a new set of injuries. I couldn’t stay there, so I abdicated the position of the alpha and moved here with the only people who trusted me. That way, at least I didn’t have to worry about them judging me every time Lyra returned covered in injuries. I don’t think she liked it."
"Why didn’t she like it?" Inez asked. It just didn’t feel right that Lyra was not happy with Killian not being subjected to criticism that he didn’t deserve.
"Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe she just didn’t like to see me relieved? Maybe she liked me to suffer? According to Morrineth, that was her way to ensure that the two of us connected. It was the evidence that the two of us were mates." Killian’s smile turned a little wry when he recalled the words that Morrineth told him. "She did ask me to go back and reclaim my position as my previous pack’s alpha."
He paused and added, "And this is also why my mother never wanted me to take another mate, not unless she was chosen by her. My brother chose a purebred, elegant mate for himself. One she approved of, and unfortunately, she did approve of Lyra."
"But she was simply twisted!"
No, it was more than twisted. Even Inez, who thought she had seen the peak of cruelty, felt it was too much.
"I know. But there was no way around it, my mother wanted me to be more like her perfect son and not Killian Sokolov" Another wry smile, another grimace. She raised her head and met his gaze, and noticed the pain and humiliation he had once gone through, which explained why he was so against getting together with another woman.
Why did he keep his distance from everyone and never trust anyone, even when he could have done so? He couldn’t even trust his mother, as she had never made him feel like he was a part of their family. It made her heart hurt to think he had spent a childhood where he had to suppress a shitload of anger for the emotionally absent parent who only gave birth to him because she wanted to make up for the loss of her perfect son.
Killian never stood a chance against his mother, who never saw him.
And then there was Lyra; she didn’t know much about that woman, but the more she found out about her, the less she liked Lyra. She didn’t want Killian to love her, but she did want him to suffer along with her. What in the world was she even thinking? With the woman gone, Inez knew that she would never get a chance to ask Lyra the answer to this question.
She looked at the man who had never been special to anyone. Never given a place where he could belong. Never felt the security of being loved without expecting anything in return. He had learned that it was unwise for him to love and expect anything from others.
Now, she was not even surprised that he had cultivated the image of a player. It was better to be accepted and treated as a player rather than to get involved with someone. Some people liked to pretend. Some pretended that they had it under control; some loved to show that they had everything that they wanted. Did she not pretend as well? That everything was alright? That she was loved and cared for, and that she didn’t crave the love of her mother that she might never get.
Just like her, he had hidden himself behind a carefree mask. In doing so, he had isolated and distanced his true self from others.
But could she truly blame him for that? If she were in his shoes—even if subconsciously—she had asked herself what was the point of baring herself to others when in her heart she knew that they might never love her? Especially when she showed her real self to them. It was better to hold back than to love them or trust them with her heart. It was way better to live alone than to depend on someone else.
"Thank you for letting me know these things; it means a lot," said Inez, knowing it had not been easy for him. He had the option of walking away, but he had stuck around, proving to her that it was worth sticking around.
He pressed a kiss to her lips. "I am sorry; I messed up just now."
"I hope you will not give up on me, Inez. It’s not easy for me, you know? Needing someone. I have never needed anyone. I have always been alone. No one had ever mattered to me the way you do." He lifted her hand and placed it on his heart. "I thought I would be in control of how you would get close to me or how this would turn out. But you made your way in here way too soon, and the realisation knocked me off my feet. But you made me get back up."
Oh, he was good. With him coming onto her like that, it made it impossible for her to get angry. And now that he had brought up his upbringing and the pain he went through at the hands of his mate, she understood him better. Understood why he wanted to leave earlier. It was not him being a coward, but him being vulnerable.
Inez had to blink four to five times to stop the tears from falling; she really felt like crying for the lonely boy Killian had been once. Never getting the peace that he wanted and craved, even in his mate. While she had shared the same experience as Killian, Inez now realised it was not that bad; at least she had received love —even a small part of it from Dominic and the rest. There was also Scarlet. But Killian, he was quite alone with Selene, battling her own demons. He had never gotten any form of love, and now that he had her, his instincts were telling him to keep her at bay. a