Hui Yin felt that the atmosphere had turned heavy, so she turned her gaze on the view below them.
She didn't want to entertain this kind of topic anymore.
"Look, there's a hole in that mountain there. Wait, that's actually the 'Heaven's Gate'? Why does it look like someone's nostril from up here? Haha..."
Hui Yin coughed. Lu Shen's eyes had never left her, and she was beginning to feel uncomfortable. What was he looking at? Stare at the view instead! My lord, why must you scare people like this?
She pretended to ignore his gaze, going 'oooh' and 'aaaah' at the sights outside the glass. But after a brief pause, Lu Shen spoke again.
"Didn't I say that we'll talk about this? Then let's talk now."
"Talk?" Hui Yin purposely made a blank face. "What's there to talk about?"
"Xiao Yin."
Her name on his lips sounded like a malediction.
Hui Yin smiled wryly to herself.
But hidden behind her mask, the smile she wore contained a tinge of sadness. This might be her last day to be together with him like this. Perhaps, she was only a fleeting fling for him.
But for her...Hui Yin stared at Lu Shen.
He was her lover, her fiancé, and her husband for many years. She loved him, and then she hated him. All of her emotions were invested on this man in front of her, and she was finally going to end it. She should have been feeling happy right now, but...why?
Why did it still feel so painful?
Hui Yin thought of the classical poem she read years ago, as the setting sun outside the window cast shadows across her face. Her eyelashes fluttered down, nearly brushing her cheekbones.
'It was hard to meet you and harder to bid farewell.
The east wind blew weak and all the flowers fell.'
The human heart was not a rational organ, after all. If feelings could be easily controlled, would she have even dared to marry him in her previous life? The constant disdain of his parents, the disparity in their statuses, his cold heart—would she have chosen to say 'I do' if it were not for love?
So many obstacles, so many trials. If love had not turned her into a silly fool, wanting desperately to stay by his side, would she have persevered to surmount them one by one?
Hui Yin shook her head, and said lightly, "I thought we're on a date? We shouldn't talk about heavy topics like these. It's your precious day off today, so we should enjoy it as much as we can."
At last, Lu Shen looked out of the window.
In a low voice, he said, "'Heavy topic?' 'Enjoy it as much as we can?' It means you're thinking that if we talk about this, it'll ruin this 'date'."
He laughed, but there was no amusement in it, only despair. "I asked you before if you hated me. I guess I know the answer now."
At her silence that might as well be an unspoken assent to his question, Lu Shen felt like all the blood in his veins had turned into acid. Unknowingly, he had clenched his hands into fists.
"Then why didn't you break off the engagement if you hated me?"
His words were harsh, as if they were being forced out of his mouth.
"If I break the engagement, will you let me?" Hui Yin gave her own question to him in return.
When she had first found herself back in her twenty-two year old body, Hui Yin had wondered. If Lu Shen loved Nian Zhen, then why did he marry her? He was indeed a man of his word, but surely, he would have protested more for Nian Zhen's sake?
Hui Yin didn't think anyone could force Lu Shen to do anything that was against his own will. If he had told her that he loved someone else, Hui Yin would have respected his decision despite her own heartache.
Why did he even proceed with that farce of a marriage with her?
Lu Shen's expression turned cold, and in his eyes Hui Yin saw a ferocity that wasn't there before. Without warning, his hand shot out and caught her wrist.
"You're my fiancée." His grip tightened on her wrist. "Don't think that you can get away from me so easily, Xiao Yin. You're mine."
And in his response she found her answer. He was too selfish—too selfish to let go of a woman he didn't even love. He was like a kid that found an interesting toy, and even though he did not care for it, he still kept it to himself.
In his eyes, she was exactly that toy. A toy to be played with, but not to be kept. A toy that once it was used, would be abandoned without much thought.
Hui Yin stared at her wrist was captured in his hand, before saying in a soft voice that was almost too low for him to hear, "You're hurting me."